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Saturday, August 02, 2003
yes indeed, it's a rare Saturday update for the FOW Nation. the traffic to this site over the weekend is generally slow, so I'm assuming that this post with be tagged with "No Buzz" for at least the next 44 hours or so. but that doesn't stop the post from containing a solid dose of PHC for those of you who need a hit to get you through the weekend. so without further ado...
New details are arising in the Kobe Bryant case. the day before Kobes surrendered to police, he dialed 911 and medics arrived at his Newport Beach home to treat as yet unidentified female! Kobe dialed 911, hung up but the dispatcher Star 69'd his ass and made him talk. Emergency units arrived at Bryant's home and after the unidentified female was treated, further medical assistance was refused. and ABC News is reporting that he gave inconsistent statements to authorities before his arrest ... get yo' shit straight, Kobe! and remember that girl that the entire world misidentified as Kobe's accuser? yeah, her real name is Katie Lovell and she appeared on "Good Morning America" on Wednesday.
a story like this only makes you realize that the clock is ticking on a celeb's 15 minutes of fame REAL fast. RUUUUBEN Studdard is suing the guys who gave him all of those free 205 Jerseys that he wore during the early stages of last season's "American Idol." way to treat the boys back in the home town proper, Ru. they gave you free jerseys to wear and to promote, and since you didn't have a contract with them that included any profit sharing buzz, what makes you think that you're entitled to the money they made from their products? Ru ... so wurst.
and in sadder news from overseas, Glamorama has parted ways with its former Patron Saint, Miss Paris Hilton. while Kegzies leaves the door open for a future reunion tour, he characterizes the ubiquity of Paris as such: "All of a sudden the hot girl with the worst attitude in the world is being drooled over by some 13 year old punk who stole his dad's Maxim. Boooo ... She was always a caricature, but now she's a caricature of a caricature. I don't even know if that exists but whatever." Applications for a new Patron Saint are now being collected, visit Glamorama if you are interested.
apparently your very own Uncle Grambo is one of the country's foremost authorities on Mandy Moore. well, at least according to the people at BlogPulse.com. click through, scroll down to Mandy Moore's entry at #36 and witness the hottness. yes, I am best.
only 10 more days til "Corpses" is released on DVD! G. Noel Gross of CineSchlock-O-Rama previews one of 2003's finest films. here's an excerpt: "Seven breasts. 115 corpses (give or take a thousand). Pickled sibling. Straight-razor to the jaw. Hatchet amputation. Gratuitous vaudeville revue. Random Bigfoot sighting. Split-screen shenanigans. Slim Whitman caterwauling. Wild driving. Chicks in rabbit suits. Crypto taxidermy. Gratuitous slow mo. Crucifixion. Bloody knife licking. Unlicensed surgery. Multiple brainings. Gratuitous John Wayne impression. Geek speak. Cereal slurping. Excessive boozing." i say those are the ingredients that make up a perfect movie ... well, that and Sheri Moon!
you heard it here first. well, not exactly "here" here but let me explain. you see, A2 based FOW APLarcadia was one of the dozens of sexy attendees of last weekend's Damore-A-Palooza. he and I got to talking about records and such and he was absolutely RAVING about this new album by some dude named Sufjan Stevens called "Greetings From Michigan, The Great Lake State." he explained that the owner of Schoolkids Records had passed along the recommendation and that it was by far one of the best albums of the year. i have yet to find it in a local record store, but I'm going to reveal Amazon.com buzz shortly. and then, just two days later, the indie snobs over at Pitchfork were on the bandwagon, lavishing it with an 8.3! so remember. Sufjan Stevens. "Greetings From Michigan, The Great Lake State." get it? got it? good.
and finally, in news that is sure to send shockwaves through the heartland, MSN reveals that Heavy D ain't so heavy anymore ... he's dropped 135 bills in the last year! his recent weight loss allowed him to land a role as a mechanic on the upcoming "Tracy Morgan Show", for which he also composed and performed the show's theme song. Too bad the show didn't make NBC's fall schedule.posted by uncle grambo |
and we'll be there to see it! just picked up some ultra-hott tix for the show on Sunday, September 21st at Comerica Park in lovely Downtown Detroit!!! too bad those f*cks at TicketBastard raped us for $91.20 in "convenience charges" (which is on top of another $28 in "Building Facility Charges")! total Visa bill = $723.18 ... d'oh!
Friday, August 01, 2003
Damore's love for Dushku and her unadulterated Duffness has been well-documented. i hope you enjoy the contents of the email below as much as I do...
last night was a little bit of a wild night. Damore, JP McKrengels, Seantizz, DJ John King and your Uncle Grambo all rocked The Whitney Garden Party. the people watching was pure hottness, especially when the Tranny Crypt Keeper was revealed! afterwards, a small group revealed Garden Bowl / Magic Stick hottness, where the DJ collective known as The Laser blew the roof off the mutha sucka. the party started slow but got jumpin' jumpin' with underage hotties post-midnight. the beer was flowing like wine and the night was a little fuzzy, but thankfully Buddis Lembeck was able to email a few of the evening's highlights along. tigs.
posted by uncle grambo |
Thursday, July 31, 2003
remember Blu Cantrell? she was the singer slash Black Tail covergirl who banged Babyface and got a record deal out of it. not too shabby. well apparently Blu is back with a new single that's gone straight to #1 on the UK Charts, so you knew it was only a matter of time before The Sun revealed the goodies from said issue of Black Tail. btw, this is totally NSFW (which means Not Safe For Work, yo).
must be nice! the leader of the free world, G-Dubz Bush is preparing to go on a month-long vacation to Texas! shit, i can't even call in sick without being overwhelmed with emails and voice mails when I get back the next day, so how can the President Of The United States take the whole effin' month of August off? oh yeah, he couches it as a "working vacation" ... riiiiiight!
i say GOD DAMN! i heart Rush & Molloy! in today's gossip column for the New York Daily News, they reveal two extremely hott pieces of gossip. first they break the story that Bruce Springsteen petitioned George Steinbrenner and tried to persuade him to let him and the E-Street Band play Yankee Stadium ... and The Fat Man said no!!! then they reveal that the patron saint of Glamorama, Miss Paris Hilton, was caught making out with Sugar Ray frontman Mark McGrath IN THE LADIES' BATHROOM during a premiere party for the new Fox drama "The O.C" (!!!!!!!!!!!!!). yes, she's supposedly dating some tool from Sum 41 but wanted some McGrath action in his absence. Kegzies would be proud.
and while we're on the topic of Springsteen, the Grand Rapids-based FOW and A #1 Springsteen fan JJ Canfield forwarded along this review of a recent Springsteen concert that was originally published in The National Review. being a staunch left-winger (and JJ camped firmly on the right), I read the article twice to ensure that the Conservo's weren't trying to pull a fast-one on Uncle Grambo. thankfully the subhead ("Don't dismiss him as a knee-jerk celeb lib") accurately sums up the piece. the article is less about the live performance and more about the political banter that Bruce indulged in during a recent stand at Giants Stadium. definitely a good read.
as much as I am wicked jealous of her, I gotta throw props out to Lizzie Spiers, better known as the voice of Gawker. she's parlayed her gig as a blogger into bigger and better things, and Mediabistro recently sat down with her to get her life story. i'm endlessly fascinated by Miss Spiers and I'm sure at least a few of you out there are too. so for the diehards, you'll be pleased to hear that she started up a new blog over at Elizabethspiers.com. it's kinda like Gawker but with a little more literary buzz and just a tad less snark. i say hottness.
Davis reveals a blowout 20th Anniversary Edition of of "A Christmas Story". here's the exact text: "Warner Home Video finally revisits a true modern classic with "A Christmas Story: 20th Anniversary Special Edition". Humorist Jean Shepherd's beloved tale of Christmastime in the 1940s arrives on October 7th as a double-disc set featuring both all-new digital anamorphic and fullscreen transfers. Bonus features include a feature-length commentary with director Bob Clark and the cast, the making-of documentary "Another Christmas Story" (narrated by Peter Billingsley and showing how the beloved Yule stories got from page to screen), "A History of The Daisy Red Ryder" featurette (looking at this nostalgic air rifle, its origin and why it is still popular today), "Get a Leg Up: A Shining Light of Freedom" leg lamp featurette, "Jean Shepherd Radio Program" (the late author and narrator of "A Christmas Story" reads the holiday stories from his "In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash"), Triple Dog Dare interactive trivia, Decoder Match challenge, and hidden Easter Eggs. Retail is $26.99. Red Ryder Carbine-Action 200-Shot Air Rifle not included."
and I'd like to conclude the day with not one but two great stories from whatevs.org's home base of Michigan that make you wonder whatever happened to Midwestern values? first, since when do we live in this kind of state? Michigan Police Chief Shoots Teenager during gay sex ambush. oy! and this second story is even more bizarre ... believe it! A 23-year-old Jackson man is suing a stripper that squirted breast milk into his eyes during a lap dance!!! the world is crumbling before our very eyes. i thought stuff like this only happened in West Virginia! durst.posted by uncle grambo |
i don't know what's worse, the fact that Elizabeth Taylor is having sex with her butler (how cliche!) or that the butler needed Viagra to get it up before trysting with "the old trampoline" (his words, not mine)! either way, it's still puke-a-liscious. gag me with a spork.
i still think that when Entertainment Weekly fired Joel Stein it was a premature decision. his style was slightly acerbic as compared to the tone of the rest of the mag, but that's what was appealing about it ... at least to me. now word is breaking that EW has hired Stephen King to replace Stein ... worst! when asked for comment, Stein replied "Wow. Being replaced by Stephen King. I'm honored. Will he write about Britney Spears? I'd like to read that. I think he should have every column end with a gory death."
everyone loves lists. how about Miss Minx's Top 100 Women In Rock (via Miss Modernage)? or the 100 greatest kills in movie history (well, at least #70-100 ... link via Shatnerian)? or perhaps the hottest woman in sports? the last one comes from ESPN.com and names some obscure softball chick named Jennie Finch as the cream of the crop of hotties in sports. her picture is at right ... she looks highly WT to me. check the obscene amount of make-up necessary to cover up some old school blotch-o face. my vote, of course, goes to Ashley Harkleroad (aka Harklebest) ... can't wait for that US Open!
while we're on the topic of Brit Brit, People is reporting that the lusciously delicious object of my undying affection is in talks to star in a big-screen version of "The Dukes Of Hazzard", alongside Brad Pitt, Ashton Kutcher and Tommy Lee Jones. this is all rumour, innuendo and speculation at this point, as none of the above have signed on the line that is dotted. but still... (link courtesy of MacK10)
the only thing more boring than The Freep devoting 1600 words to a knife fight at a Styx / Journey concert at Cobo is when The Washington Post writes 8,000 words on Colleen Haskell (Haskell story via Catherine's Pita.
if you're a Moz fan with 33 minutes to kill, take a listen to his recent interview on the BBC's "Janice Long Sessions". while I'm going to wait to queue this up until the weekend, rumour has it that they play studio versions of 2 new Morrissey songs called "Irish Blood, English Heart" and "I Like You." (link via The Velvet Ropers)
i got a beef i've just got to get off my chest. so, have you seen the new Madonna and Missy Gap TV commercial? somebody kill me now and then kill me later. Madge busts out by mashing up "Hollywood" with "Get Into The Groove", which isn't half as hott as it sounds in print. trust me on this one. do you remember when that dude from Les Rhythmes Digital mashed up "Holiday" with Stardust's "The Music Sounds Better With You"? hella dope. this blows hardcore, esp. when Missy and Madge have an embarrasing dance-off that culminates in Missydoing the splits and Lady Madonna doing a yoga pose. bitch please. makes "SARS-stock" look like The Strokes at Chene Park.posted by uncle grambo |
no wait, SPEED THEM UP! i ... can ... barely ... type. props to The Sun ... for the best photo shoot ... ever! on newsstands soon!
(EDITOR'S NOTE: I'm in such a good mood now that I won't rail on Rolling Stone for putting Heavy D on their cover ... no wait, that's Big Fat Ru! my bad.)posted by uncle grambo |
Wednesday, July 30, 2003
so i'm online checking out one-sheets for some upcoming movies. then i stumble upon the one-sheet below for a movie called "Anything Else." as you can see from the artwork below, this movie is unfortunately saddled with Jason Biggs and Christina Ricci as its stars. if you were to gloss over this poster with a quick look, you'd probably think that it's the latest from Raja Gosnell, Andy Tennant or any other schlockmeister stuck in the dregs of romantic comedies. but lo and behold, closer inspection reveals that it is for none other than the new Woody Allen movie!!! we all know that The Woodman jumped the shark a LONG time ago (he hasn't made what I would consider a "good" film since "Sweet and Lowdown"), but this is the lowest of the low. Woody directing Biggs? woe, woe is me. but more importantly, woe, woe is the entire American public.
posted by uncle grambo |
today's entry is courtesy of one of whatevs.org's NYC-dwelling friends, known simply as The Information Leaf Blower:
posted by uncle grambo |
but apparently they write obits for the New York Times!!! Vincent Canby kicked the bucket back in 1999 but somehow managed to land the lead obit for the death of Bob Hope. what's next? i hear that Creem is combing through John Bonham's diaries hoping to snag a Nostradamus worthy piece on Meg Whizz. developing... (link via K-Dizzy)
"Gigli" ... most have this as the odds-on fave for this year's Razzie Awards. one of whatevs.org's fave movie columnists, Jeffrey Wells, lines up some choice shots from his office in Paris and even studio suck-up Roger Friedman joins in the fray by calling it "Witless, coarse, and vulgar ... worse than its advance buzz could have indicated." and our friends over at The Onion managed to secretly attend a pre-release screening: Gigli Focus Groups Demand New Ending In Which Both Affleck and Lopez Die. break out the whuppin' sticks, can't wait to see what Ebert, Elvis and Manohla have to say on Friday!
while we're on the topic of movies, film columnist (and another whatevs.org fave) David Poland goes absolutely gaga over Sofia Coppola's upcoming "Lost In Translation", starring Bill Murray and the chesty besty Scarlett Johannsen (who Poland drooled over in "Eight Legged Freaks"). Coppola's adaptation of "The Virgin Suicides" grabbed the #8 spot in my 2K1 Grahammy Film Awards and it sounds like she's stepped up her game even more so in "Lost In Translation." look for this film to be released domestically in early October or thereabouts.
gotta throw props out to Ryan P over at Les.Yper-Sound for the badass new site redesign. choice!
is Mrs. Stifler this generation's Mrs. Robinson? where are those cranky old bastards Simon & Garfunkel when you need 'em? The New York Daily News profiles the actress behind the legendary MILF, Jennifer Coolidge.
when is a free DVD not a free DVD? when you get fired for taking one. This week's Metro Times reveals the story behind the recent firings of DetNews staffers George Cantor and Alan Stamm. both were long-time vets at the paper (40 and 27 years of seniority, respectively) and well-respected by the community at large. you may remember that Cantor's daughter died tragically a few years back when she fell out of a window at Couzens Hall after being roofied at a U of M frat party. doesn't having a tough break like that earn a guy some slack? apparently not. i say durst, boo on you DetNews (link via Romenesko).posted by uncle grambo |
Q: has there ever been a worse song than Vitamin C's cover of The Strokes' "Last Nite" to the beat of Blondie's "Heart Of Glass"?
Q: could "Uptown Girls" be even worse than "Gigli"?
Q: this might offend my boy Solo, but could there be anyone worse to cast as SJP's "final" love interest in the final episodes of "SITC" than Mikhael Baryshnikov?
Q: Is Miramax going to bury "The Battle of Shaker Heights" by releasing it only in New York and LA?
Tuesday, July 29, 2003
for all of the Clones out there in the Metro Detroit area, this was the proudest sports day in Detroit since The Wings won the Stanley Cup last June. Jim Rome brought his tourstop through The Motor City this past Saturday, July 26th and your Uncle Grambo was there to capture ALL of the photo highlights (with the help of Big Matt, Coach Glinka and Buddis Lembeck). in fact, there were so many highlights that I couldn't fit them all onto one webpage ... so I made two! below are links to both of the pages, as well as some choice sample JPEGs. enjoy!
i knew that the term "buzz" had buzz, but who knew that it had Harvard buzz? In a 44-page study of word-of-mouth based on Internet chat room
participation, Professors David Godes (Harvard Business School) and Dina Mayzlin (Yale School of Management) define buzz as "the transfer of information from someone who is in the know to one who isn't." if my homey Godes and/or Mayzlin ever decide to make a visit to the fair state of Michigan, I'll be the first in-line to buy them a tall, cool glass of Buzz Cola (link via K-Dizzy).
and if you're a semi-regular visitor to whatevs.org, you already know that the complete antithesis of "buzz" is "durst." and thanks to the fair citizens of Chicago, Fred Durst was officially pronounced as such during Sunday night's Summer Sanitarium stop at the Hawthorne Racetrack. according to MTV.com, "the head Bizkit exploded in a torrent of profanity and stormed off the stage After suffering through an abbreviated half-hour set in which he was pelted with plastic bottles, boos and chants of 'Fuck Fred Durst'." this is the best news I've heard in years. sounds like America is FINALLY wising up to how truly durst the Limp boys are after all these years (link via The Grizz, Damore, Big Matt and Method One).
if you're an afficianado of all things British like your Uncle Grambo, you're probably already aware of the British supermodel / trainwreck / plastic surgery miracle / plastic surgery disaster known as Jordan (aka Katie Price). if you're not familiar, let me explain this analogy-stizz. she's kind of a hybrid between Shannen Doherty, Paris Hilton and Anna Nicole-Smith. she's gotten down with just about every famous British footballer (except Becks) and boy band member. she's splashed in the British tabs just about every single day, most recently for being turned away from the London premiere of "Legally Blonde 2" for being "too trashy" ... i say those pesky British people oughta lighten up! she looks fine to me! what's wrong with a tank top that's too small for the enormous enormosity beneath, pajama shorts and visible undergarments? i say nothing! chill, ya lousy Redcoats!
when not partying with Zachamundo, the Bush daughters like to party with Audioslave and Jane's Addiction. wonder if there was any drinking going on that night?
most important website ever? (link via The Lawrs)
looks like the boys over at Ad Age have been keeping up with recent posts on whatevs.org. after I revealed (via Cha Cha Cha) that Chevy Chase was doing commercials for the Turkish equivalent of Coca-Cola, those scaliwags over at Ad Age decided to write about the same thing. this article does reveal a few nuggets of info. it turns out that Chevy is best known in Turkey for his portrayal of Clark W. Griswold ("he's NOT porking her, Rusty!"). Ad Age also reveals footage from the spots. priceless (link courtesy of Greedo).
and last but not least, I've been semi-venting about the ridiculously durst commercials for Arby's starring the Oven Mitt. the $85MM (!!!) ad campaign stars the voice of Tom Arnold as said Oven Mitt and "underscores (Arby's) understanding that oven roasting is our point of differentiation for consumers who are looking for higher quality, fresher foods. Our continued focus on our core equity, and the company's ability to communicate it clearly, gives us a competitive advantage in the marketplace", at least according to Arby's CEO Michael Howe. well thanks to the good folks over at Flak, a writer named James Norton was commissioned to write a piece about Oven Mitt. unsurprisingly, he lays into the ad campaign that "creates awkward silences, forced grimaces, and general discomfort. It bathes us in its own sad aura of humiliation, and makes us feel grimly disappointed." but instead of just criticizing, he manages to create some scenarios (admittedly far-fetched) in which this ad campaign could have actually turned out good. maybe even brilliant. best!posted by uncle grambo |
how fargin' cool would it be to go to this? check out the list of performers! this would be a dream for any fans of "The State", "SNL", and "Wet Hot American Summer"!
(link via Stereogum)posted by uncle grambo |
"that would be in the butt, Bob." more on that in a few. sorry about the lack of buzz yesterdizz, it was just one of those days. work was extraordinarily busy and my internet connection at Casa de Graham wasn't working propps. here's a few choice pieces of hottness to whet your appetites for PHC. but before I do that, I have to throw some props out to Big Matt for hooking us up with Duckets for the Jim Rome Tour Stop #31 and to Damore for throwing yet another ridiculously best evs bash on Saturday night. pictures of both events to follow, hopefully by tomorrow. back to the buzz!
breaking news on the Kobe Bryant situation. this Sunday night, Matt Drudge revealed some shocking buzz on this case during his nationally syndicated radio show. i quote, "I've decided to reveal some of the dirty sex details of the case. I have been told it's anal sex." Kobes! i know that everybody loves white girls, but did you really have to take it to the next level with a 19-year old? allegedly, of course. but still, Kobes is totally the worst evs (link via Bad Jocks.com).
speaking of kinky shizz, I'm sure you've all heard by now about the stash of Viagra that was found with the bodies of Uday and Qusay Hussein. US troops also discovered a condom, £60m in cash (that's approx $100 mills US), a briefcase "stuffed with sex aids", and a whole buncha cologne. dude, were these guys trying to escape Iraq or just throw the biggest gay sex orgy of all-time?!?
yesterday "Finding Nemo" passed "The Lion King" as the highest grossing animated film of all-time. i still haven't gotten around to seeing this, but the DVD is going to street on November 4th. hott!posted by uncle grambo |
Monday, July 28, 2003
that was a long time ... AGO! so much recreation of the new Jane's album cover at Damizz's party! best!
posted by uncle grambo |
as submitted by Seantizz...
posted by uncle grambo |