SNL Season 29 – REVEALED!



Episode 8: Elijah Wood/Jet (12/13/03)


The Rating System:

4 Coneys – Best Ever

0 Coneys – Worst Ever




0-10 Coneys – Garbage

11-20 Coneys – Needs Improvement

21-30 Coneys – Average

31-40 Coneys – Above Average

41-51 Coneys  - Instant Classic

55+ Coneys - Unparalleled SNL Genius


OAD: Original Airdate




Pre-show Comments (12/12/03):


Jason:  Now that last week's Tracy Mor-gasm is out of the way, hopefully Lorne and crew will return to a normal ensemble episode. I'm actually really looking forward to this week's show. I've wanted to see an Elijah Wood helmed episode since 2001's Fellowship of the Ring. Wood (along with Red Hot Chilli Peppers) were originally scheduled to host last season's Ray Liotta/Donnas episode, so I know SNL has been after him for some time.

The question is, can Wood represent the Lord of the Rings saga in the SNL world as good as Ian McKellen did in 2002? Hopefully the answer is yes. I'm really hoping for some kind of LOTR sketch - I'd even settle for a return of the Meyers/Sanz sketch "Kevin and Ritchie's Comic Book Zone" (last seen on the McKellen episode). I'm also hoping Kattan doesn't show up for another turn as Gollum.

As far as Jet is concerned, I have no idea who they are. Lord knows they have to be better than Pink though.


Heather:  I am secretly in love with Elijah Wood. I think it's his eyes and smile. Too bad he looks like he's 12. Regardless, I am confident in a great show this week. From past interviews and promo spots, Wood appears to have that sarcastic and obnoxious sense of humor that I love and relate too. He pretty much seems like the type of person I could definitely joke around with, so I'm looking forward to seeing what he brings to the sketches. I think a Lord of the Rings skit could be very hilarious, although I'm afraid that we would certainly see Kattan reprise his role as Gollum. Seems like there's no getting around the gratuitous cameos this season.

Jet. Never heard of em....NEXT!



1.  Cold Opening:  Hardball

Premise:  Hammond plays Chris Matthews in a spoof of MSNBC’s news show


Jason:  It is pretty much pointless to bitch about this sketch showing up as much as it does.  Facts needs to be faced.  This sketch isn’t going anywhere so I might as well accept it. 


This recent installment was pretty much the same as all the others.  Keenan is now officially the new Morgan place holder on this sketch.  His bit about the “Female Black Jewish Ninja Face” was funny, but couldn’t save the sinking ship.


1 Coney



Heather:  This Hardball seemed to be on par with the more recent installments.  There were a few good laughs, mostly spawned from Hammond’s smart ass remarks – “Hillary, you’re about as hard to read as Jessica Simpson’s autobiography.”  Poehler’s Hillary Clinton was decent, as was Parnell’s Liberman, but nothing was particularly outstanding.  Average opener.


1 ½ Coneys



2.  Monologue:  Wood


Jason:  Why did Kattan even leave the show?  Season 29 isn’t even at the half way mark and he has made two cameos.


Shockingly, this didn’t suck nearly as bad as I would have thought.  The whole fake sitcom was hilarious.  They even had little pictures made up of them in the movies framed on the bookshelf!  The song was pretty funny too.


3 Coneys




Heather:  As much as I hoped it wouldn’t happen, I was not at all surprised to see Kattan horn in on Wood’s “monologue” as Gollum.  At first, I was totally pissed at this, until it was miraculously saved by “A Hard Hobbit to Break,” a proposed sitcom that features Frodo and Gollum living in an apartment together in Denver.  I still wish this could’ve been more of JUST Wood, given that’s the point of a monologue, but this turned out to be pretty funny even with Kattan in the picture.


2 ½ Coneys



3.  Sketch: St. Paul Boy’s Choir Annual Holiday Concert

Premise: Three of the top boy’s choir sopranos compete to be the best soprano


Jason:  Forte?  Singing?  Never would have guessed it.  As much as I love him, I’m getting nervous he will turn into a one trick pony in the viewer’s eyes.  He has so many other talents!


Keenan’s mustache was funny and so was Wood acting all prissy.  Forte’s singing isn’t officially “over used” yet (getting close though), so this sketch provided some good chuckles.  It did get a little “Burn vs. Zinger” reminiscent at the end though with the whole musical challenge bit.


3 Coneys



Heather:  Wow!  An original sketch that’s actually funny!!  I thought everyone was good in this, even though Fallon had that STUPID smirk on his face the whole time.  Even Keenan seemed to mix it up a little as the choir director.  Wood and Forte, as usual, were the standouts, especially given Forte’s facial expressions and the “dog whistle” notes he hit!


3 Coneys 



4.  Sketch:  Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

Premise: The “Fab 5” make over Santa Claus


Jason:   I’ve never watched the show, so most of the inside/character jokes went over my head.  Armisen and Meyers acting like gay men is pretty much a safe bet.  I liked Santa’s new look of khakis, flannel, a goatee and earring too.  Overall it still managed to annoy me more than anything. 


1 Coney



Heather:  This wasn’t extremely funny, but Wood looks like he’s been with the SNL cast for years.  There were brief chuckles throughout, mostly at the guy’s mannerisms.  About the most I laughed was at Meyer’s grooming tips to Santa about shaving his beard, “Trust me, it’s gonna take like 200 years off your face.”


2 Coneys



5.  TV Funhouse

Premise:  President Bush dresses “accordingly” in an effort to appeal to the masses


Jason:   Not laugh out loud funny, but clever just the same.  The envelope, Spock and tree costumes delivered the most coney sauce.


2 Coneys



Heather:  Clever cartoon, as usual.  I didn’t laugh my ass off, but Bush dressed up as a tree was pretty entertaining.


2 Coneys



6.  Sketch:  Wakeup Wakefield

Premise:  Recurring sketch about self produced high school morning news updates 


Jason:  Surprised it took 8 episodes this season for Wakefield to come back.  I defended this sketch a little bit last season, but no more.  Dratch as Sheldon will usually deliver a laugh or two, but Maya hasn’t changed the “crush” routine since day one.  Instead of Fallon, this time the crush is on Clay Aiken.  Worst.


1 Coney



Heather:  Well, I guess we had to see this sketch sooner or later.  Luckily this one didn’t seem so bad, probably because it’s been a while since it’s aired.  It’s still pretty monotonous, but Sanz did break it up a little as the principal.  His, “Don’t invite the pests…Clean out your desks!” as a reminder to clean up before Christmas break had me chuckling. 


1 Coney



7.  Music – Jet #1


Jason:  The guitar riff was “Lust for Life”, the lead singer looks like Iggy Pop had sex with The Who and all their pants seem to have been donated by The Black Crowes.  That, my friends, sums up Jet’s appearance on SNL.


The coneys they are getting are simply to level out the SNL Season 29 playing field a bit.  This season’s musical guests have been for the most part SHITEEE!!!


1.5 Coneys



Heather:  This band seems alright, but I still don’t quite see how they made it to SNL on virtually no buzz.  Sounds like about 20 other bands out there right now.


1 Coney 



8.  Weekend Update



Jason:   I didn’t feel this week’s WU was as good as recent episodes.  Good jokes this time were the cancellation of Punk’d, “Jimmy Fallon explains what you did” and the Morning After pill.


Other than that, we were treated to Fallon impersonating John Mayer and another unfunny Fey rant. 


Mitchell, Keenan and Maya as the Brown/Houston family did nothing but depress too.


2 Coneys



Heather:  I thought this week’s Weekend Update was exceptional.  It seemed like I was laughing pretty steadily throughout the whole segment.  The best jokes were Queen Elizabeth’s knee surgery, Britney’s “binging and purging” being part of the Kabala and Kutcher’s canceling of Punk’d. 


The “Holiday Wishes from John Mayer” bit was weird in that it was totally out of the blue, but I must say it was amusing.  Does Fallon hate Mayer?!


Other standouts were the morning after pill bit, along with “Jimmy Fallon Explains What You Did.”


Even Maya and Keenan’s portrayal of Whitney Houston and her daughter Bobbi Kristina was sort of funny, which was surprising.  I’m wondering though, how Keenan is now bathing in the spotlight, while Finesse is reduced to playing Bobby Brown on WU as one of his only roles in nearly two weeks?


3 Coneys




9.  Sketch:  Versace Egg Nog

Premise:  Versace is back again, this time promoting her designer eggnog


Jason:   Refused to watch.


0 Coneys



Heather:  Oh God.  Utterly ridiculous.  I did get a kick out of Wood’s appearance as Boy George, as well as Sanz’s Rosie O’Donnell downing the eggnog.  But this recurring sketch has seriously run its course.  Thankfully it was somewhat of a short one.


½ Coney


10.  Sketch:  Howard Dean for President

Premise:  Promotional spot where Gore endorses Dean for Democrat Presidential candidate



Jason:  Although this was extremely long, I found few chuckles here.  Richards (as Dean) trying to get a word in/correcting Gore was pretty funny.  Funny, because it’s true.  I didn’t know that America, under George W, has seriously been a “living, breathing, Hell” though (if you aren’t extremely wealthy)!


2 Coneys



Heather:  This would’ve been a lot better had it been about half as long.  It ended up getting just plain boring towards the end.  It’s interesting though, that out of all the worst leaders of any country in the last 500 years, Bush is number one while Hilter is only third on the list!


1 Coney




11.  Sketch:  Rialto Grande

Premise:  Struggling lounge comedian fights for laughs 


Jason:   Kattan.  Why did you leave?


0 Coneys



Heather:  Of all the shitty sketch decisions that have been made on SNL in recent episodes, this has got to take the cake.  This was never that funny!!  Only initially was Armisen the highlight as the old man drummer, but that even wore off by the second sketch appearance.  Seriously, any laughs I got out of this came from hearing Nummer swear the minute this hit the TV screen.  It’s too bad that Wood had to end the show this way. 


0 Coneys


12.  Music:  Jet #2



Jason:   More like “Jet Play” or “Cold Jet”.  Drop the piano and stick to the Iggy Pop stuff.


0 Coneys.



Heather:  See Jet #1.


1 Coney






Closing Comments:


Jason:   I never would have guessed Elijah Wood and a modern rock band could be worse than the Sharpton/Morgan/Pink nightmare.  Talk about wasting a host.  SNL hasn’t squandered talent this bad since the DeNiro upset of 2002.  Not a good way to send out 2003 SNL.


16.5 out of 48 Coneys



Heather:  I hate to say it, but this show was pretty much a letdown.  Don’t get me wrong, Elijah Wood was great, but overall the sketch selections were mediocre, if not downright horrible.  The beginning skits appeared promising, but basically just went down the toilet after Weekend Update.  It’s a shame, because Wood deserves much better, as do we!!  Yeah…Merry Fuckin’ Christmas to you too SNL!!!!


18.5 out of 48 Coneys



SNL Coney Rankings:  Season 29 – REVEALED!




Andy Roddick/Dave Matthews – 41.5

Jack Black/John Mayer – 34.5

Justin Timberlake - 30

Alec Baldwin/Missy Elliot – 28.5

Halle Berry/Britney Spears - 27

Al Sharpton/Pink – 21.5

Kelly Ripa/Outkast – 19

Elijah Wood/Jet – 16.5





Jack Black/John Mayer – 34.5

Andy Roddick/Dave Matthews – 28.5

Justin Timberlake – 26.5

Halle Berry/Britney Spears – 24

Alec Baldwin/Missy Elliot - 24

Kelly Ripa/Outkast – 20

Elijah Wood/Jet – 18.5

Al Sharpton/Pink – 17.5