whatevs (dot org)
piping hot content for your sexy bod
oh what rippling muscles!
Thursday, April 22, 2004  

jeff goldblum loves blowjobs

but then again, who doesn't? those feisty paparazzi managed to catch Seth Brundle getting head from Lisa Marie on a quote-unquote "secluded" beach, yo! no, not Lisa Marie Presley, rather Tim Burton's über-chesty ex. so much Vampira Hottness, yo. Warning: highly, HIGHLY NSFW!

dude, we were thisclose to getting the most intense Brit Brit nip slip buzz evs! damn, i guess it just wasn't meant to be ... alas, we can only hope that all those Playboy rumours are close to fruition! all will be revealed, this I guarantee you. it's only a matter of time. patience, young disciples, patience is the key.

Rebecca Loos seems to be enjoying her fifteen minutes of infamy, thank you very much. She showed up at the London premiere of "Kill Bill 2" on Monday night, prompting Uma Thurman to label her as a "tramp" ... right on, Uma! while it's one thing to sleep with someone who's married AND famous, it's another entirely to revel and gloat in the negative 'razzo afterglow. no guilt = no buzz. Loos = durst.

my eyes, my eyes! god damn you Foxxxy Jessica Jazz Blueprint Buzz, why did you have to go and reveal the sheer hideousness that is the "real" face of Plum Sykes??? damn you, damn you straight to hell! although let this photo serve as a warning to Mischa Barfin ... stay off the horse!

everyone's already commented on this one, but it's worth noting that the director's cut of "Donnie Darko" will be theatrically released in the Top 10 markets this July. mmmmBEST!

if you don't know who Christy Canyon is, you've led an incredibly sheltered life. change that today by checking out this rad interview with her on Nerve. kinda sorta SFW, but definitely watch yo back, jack. Christy Canyon ... some say best porn star evs! [via Fleshbot]

also revealed on the Sci-Fi Wire is the fact that the new Rebecca Romijn / Bob DeNiro jawn "Godsend" has FIVE different endings. the question is will ANY of them actually be good ... Uncle Grambo thinks not so much.

as much as I respect Sully and Knuff and all my Yooper peeps, no fuckin' way is Marquette one of Michigan's "Cool Cities" ... whatever crack Jenny From The Block is smokin', I wants me some!

and with that, I'm off. i'm going to try and squeeze in a post on Friday morning, but my work schedule may or may not afford me that luxury. i'll be spending Thursday night at the Lenox Hotel in Beantown with my ad agency peeps, then migrating south to the Naked City. and I say "naked" because this weekend is going to be a Blogger Orgy Of Best Everness! so many hott plans, if you're down for a rendezvizz, be sure and drop me a line (preferably if you've got great 'rugs). schmobvs all over your effing tees. until then, I leave you with a picture of Josh Schwartz pittin' worse than those douchebags who ran Sergeant Pepper's ... obvs.

you'd think millionaires could afford some Old Spice, yo

posted by uncle grambo |
Wednesday, April 21, 2004  

op-ed vs. uncle grambo

pic courtesy of AmandaBynesNow.comi normally don't like to use this space for the purposes of self-promotion¹, but in this instance I feel like it's necessary. you see, anytime your Uncle Grambo gets name-checked alongside DRUDGE and Lizzie Spiers, I feel a certain sense of accomplishment. add that to the fact that I'm offsite until 3pm today at a class called "The Law Of Pricing and Incentives" and whammo, here's your first post of the day. big ups to my boy Robair of Amanda Bynes Now for passing along this article by Kiril Dickinson from Monday's Vanguard, the student newspaper at the University of South Alabammy. bovs. here's a few choice quotes:

Such antagonism is not restricted to political sites. Whatevs(dot org), a blog based in Detroit that promises "piping hot content for your sexy bod" and features a mix of music reviews, celebrity gossip and an unhealthy interest in Amanda Bynes, is regularly pilloried on other sites for its slangy, irreverent style. (EDITOR'S NOTE: Just how exactly does one define "unhealthy"?)

Yes, there is slang in the blogosphere. Something especially lame is considered "durst," after the lead singer of Limp Bizkit, "obvs" (obviously), while its opposite is "best," or "hottness." And an especially outrageous statement might be met with protestations of "blogga please!"


¹ Okay, I lied. I ALWAYS use this site for the purposes of self-promotion! That and delivering PHC to the FOW Nation, bovs. Pic courtesy of Amanda Bynes Now.

posted by uncle grambo |
Tuesday, April 20, 2004  

i'll have what she's having

ah yes, 220. this Birmingham establishment has LONG been a fave of both your Uncle Grambo and Coach Glinka. if you're in the Metro Detroit area and you're down for either A) some truly superior people watching (lots of divorcees hitting on each other) or B) some great sports conversations with the bartenders (big ups to John, Jim and Brian), then 220 is your place. apparently, it's also your place if if you're Birmingham's City Commissioner and you want a striptease from Ms. Malibu on your 65th birthday. i say god DAMN, I've been going to 220 for YEARS and I've never witnessed such hottness, WTF? while an uptight and prudish patron complained to the Five-Oh's, the complaint was dismissed after it was determined that the strip tease did not violate city obscenity ordinances. quoth Birmingham Deputy Police Chief Don Studt, a "bra and panties are not considered partially nude." yet another reason I heart Birmingham.

if there's one author whose work I will go out and buy on its first day of release, it's Doug Coupland. although I wasn't exactly in love with "All Families Are Psychotic", I'm SUPER geeched about his upcoming jawn. entitled "Eleanor Rigby", the book is due in August; the synopsis is available here. buzz. [via The Leafblower]

this is going to surprise a legion of my fans, but I'm failing to see why everyone out there is crazy for Lindsay Lohan. while "Mean Girls" looks mildly tigs, my ticket purchase will be based solely on support for Tina Fey (with a slight nod to my girl Lacey ChaBest). howevs, your Uncle Grambo is forced to wonder out loud as to why Lohan was chosen over Amanda Bynes for this role? what the dilly, yo? and if anyone says it's because Bynes is cross-eyed, be prepared for the smackdown!

yawn! Carrie Ann Moss joins the cast of "Mission Impossible 3."

you know, sometimes it hurts being so culturally savvy. remember last July when Harv announced that "Kill Bill" was going to be released as two separate films? upon this news, I channeled Harvey Weinstein and came up with this thought: "Hey, I spent $55 mills on this flick. If I release it twice, that means spreading out my box office returns over eight months as opposed to two. If the first is a hit, the second will be a HUGE hit. And let you think I forgot, this means two separate DVD releases! Cha-ching!!!" SO prescient, especially considering the quote that Sharon Waxman landed in her piece on the importance of DVD revenue to Hollywood studios in today's NYT. quoth Miramax COO Rick Sands, "This is the beauty of having two volumes. 'Vol. 1' goes out, 'Vol. 2' goes out, then 'Vol. 1 Special Edition,' 'Vol. 2 Special Edition,' the two-pack, then the Tarantino collection as a boxed set out for Christmas. It's called multiple bites at the apple." in the battle of art versus commerce, score another big point for commerce. shmears.

worst. Dido is dating Leeds striker Alan Smith. soccer / football / futbol hasn't had buzz since Pele, yo. that being said, Freddy Adu is tha shit. bovs.

ever noticed how 'spensive Red Bull is at the bar? apparently Demi Moore has! she brought her own case of the Taurine Tornado to the wrap party for "A Lot Like Love", starring Kutcher (not to be confused with The Kutch) and Amanda Peet.

you know what scares the porn industry even more than the recent outbreak of The HIV? The fact that the government might regulate condom use in the industry.

while I never watch "60 Minutes", I found myself kind of moved by Ed Bradley's segment on Mary J. Blige this Sunday. howevs, it appears that some viewers took offense to The Queen Of Hip-Hop Soul dropping an S-bomb on the show and have complained to the FCC, and rightfully so. it's not like this show is live, nor was it the first time that this segment had aired. why didn't the producers bleep or edit this out? not that your Uncle is in favor of strict gov't regulation of these matters, but if they're going to fine Howard Stern for these kinds of actions, shouldn't the rules also apply to everyone across the board?

rumour has it that the lineup for this year's Movement Festival is going to be released today. Rob seems to have it on good authority that Floetry is on the bill, but the rest of the bill is shrouded in mystery. even the normally reliable TechnoTourist.org seems to be buzzless. anyone got any scoop out there

posted by uncle grambo |
 

usurp THIS!

the old saying goes, "you're nobody until somebody rides your coattails to success." um, er, well I'm not sure that's ACTUALLY an old saying, but I'm pretty sure that it's applicable in this situation. case in point, Southern Florida's hottest new band, The Whatevs. the band's sound is self described as "kick ass / dostoyevsky-raping", which sounds like a formula for success in this blogger's book. the band is currently in search of locations to shoot their new video for "Rollerskatin" (also known as "Rollersk8in"). while the band has yet to contact your Uncle Grambo with permission to use the phrase "whatevs™", you can be damn skippy that my lawyers will be in touch with them at some point in the not-too-distant future (that is, if I actually had any lawyers). buzz? [thanks to Jim Treacher for passing along the hottness]

Killer Buzzbut just to prove that my sphere of influence bridges the gap between various forms of art, today marks the highly anticipated DVD release of "Killer Buzz" ... according to Amazon's Purchase Circles, fans of Eliza Dushku and "Wrong Turn" will be fans of this delightful frightfest starring former vixxxen Gabrielle Anwar. REVEALED!

memo to Reuters: I know that these are trying economic times, but as a media organization, don't you think it would behoove you to hire headline writers who have a firm grasp of the English language? Pitt Now Happy He Forced to Quit Smoking for 'Troy' ... ouchies.

while we're on the topic of decrepit news organizations, I wanna throw negative props out to The Detroit News (once again). hey DetNews entertainment editors, in case you haven't noticed, there's this mildly influential musical artist who's primed for a big comeback and in the midst of a MAJOR media blitz. let's see, you may have heard of him, his name is PRINCE! and he is FUNKY! newsflash, cornholios, he's got a new album out today! why didn't you choose to review it? for reals, how much does it suck to continually get schooled by The Freep and Brian McCollum? his review ran today ... what's your excuse? BUZZ NEGATIVO!

while I'm not sure this announcement will help to sell anymore tix, it sure as hell continues to up the cred factor of this year's Lollapabestevera tour! PJ Harvey and Le Tigre added to the this summer's Lollapalooza tour.

finally, big ups to all the Guster fans visiting whatevs.org for the first time. thanks to the band for hooking me up with some buzz, very much appreciated. OBVS! "Lost and Gone Forever" ... some say one of the best albums evs!

posted by uncle grambo |
Monday, April 19, 2004  

what's the frequency, yo?

dude, whatever happened to Michael Stipe? more importantly, whatever happened to R.E.M.? there was a point in time (as recently as "New Adventures In Hi-Fi") where I would've been able to make a SOLID argument that they were far and away the best band of their generation. yes, that includes U2. but ever since Bill Berry decided that he'd rather be farming than touring, the band has been caught in a downward spiral of ever-increasing irrelevance, so much so that their historical legacy is beginning to (if only slightly) diminish. this news certainly won't help, yo: Michael Stipe and Mandy Moore will duet on a cover of "God Only Knows" for the new movie "Saved." hey Stipey, maybe you weren't as dumb enough to spend $15 on "Coverage" like your Uncle Grambo did, but then again, I'm not going to be working with Mandy Moore anytime soon! and duetting with a talentless (albeit hott) starlet will only serve to tarnish the hottness that were your duets with Natalie Merchant at the MTV Rock n Roll Inaugural Ball in January of `93 (including a truly memorable version of "To Sir With Love", captured on the Maniacs' "Few & Far Between" single). no buzz.

speaking of dudes we once thought were straight but now we know to be gay, can you believe this shit about Kevin Spacey? apparently Keyser Soze was hanging out in London when he filed a police report after being "attacked" in a London park at 4am. well, turns out he was lying, and the story that he's trying to pass off as "the truth" is even more ridiculous. get this. quoth Spacey, he was duped by "Some sob story about somebody needing to call their mother and could they use my phone. It was such a good con, that I actually dialled the number myself and when somebody answered I then finally handed (over) my phone. And this kid took off and I was so upset I ran after him. I tripped up over my dog, and I ended up falling on to the street and hitting myself in the head." uh, yyyeah RIZZ! dude, I won't pretend to know what was going on with Keyser Spacey and some young chap in a park in London at 4am, but how much you wanna bet that no such phone records exist? shmears.

this just in. Kelly Brook is back and looking more lurvely than evs. i'm talkin' white hott bikini buzz. sorta SFW, depending on your workspace. bovs.

The Grizz recently interviewed Davey Rothbart (the founder of Found Magazine) in the Detroit News. Rothbart has got MAD buzz in my book. look for his reading / traveling Slapdance Across America Tour coming soon to a town near you soon!

best new website discovery of the last few weeks has GOT to be Rollertrain. i exchanged a few emails with Charges last week and I've been hitting that buzz ever since. if this whole HIV explosion in the porn industry is as fascinating to you as it is to me, I highly suggest bookmarking that buzz PRONTO stizz. obvs.

even though he's my least favourite of the major network news anchors, this is going to be a sad day. Tom Brokaw to retire from NBC on December 1, 2004. he will be replaced by the soulless vacuum of blood and bones known as Brian Williams. no buzz.

ever wonder what became of Rachel and Sean, the "Real World" couple? well, not surprisingly, they're now hard core Catholics and were recently interviewed by the Catholic Herald. and maybe it's just me, but doesn't RW: Boston Sean looks a HELLUVA lot like Seantizz?!?!

if The `Stons manage to play as well throughout the playoffs as they did yesterday versus Milwaukee, watch out world!

while we're on the topic of hoops, Flak's Bob Cook makes some excellent suggestions for standardizing the rules for pickup basketball games. take heed, fellow hoopsters!

and while we're STILL on the topic of basketball, The Black Table has an very solid preview of the NBA Playoffs up on their site, although I would've much rather preferred to read the same article as written by Information Leafblower. but Rage Kage redeemed himself in my eyes by posting Morrissey's recent setlists! are you effing kidds? "A Rush And A Push And The Land Is Ours" AND "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out"? SO BEST! this might call for pavilion seats at Lollapalooza!

posted by uncle grambo |
 

irish blood, english BEST!

the last of the famous international playboysbest magazine cover since this. are you effing kidding me? all this Moz buzz is starting to drive me loco with anticipation for May 18th, the day that "You Are The Quarry" gets its stateside release. pure, unadulterated hottness.

although their situations are very different in that one is facing criminal charges, it doesn't take a pop culture genius like me to realize some of the parallels between the lives of Kobe Bryant and David Beckham. both are world class athletes who held a nation of adoring fans in the palm of their hands, only to see their public personas take a huge blow after some ill-advised adulterous buzz. both gents initially denied the allegations when the tabs got ahold of the story, but caved in with tearful confessions to their wives. and then both went out and bought their über-pissed off brides mega-spensive rings in a combined apology / renewed pledge of faith (Becks spent 750,000 on a pink diamond ring for Posh this weekend). now we can only wait to see how the public will treat their fallen heroes; while Kobe still gets huge cheers every night at the Staples Center, virtually all of his endorsement deals dried up. will the same happen to Becks, and will he publicly apologize for his indiscretions? as my boy DRUDGE would say, DEVELOPING...

pop quiz, asshole. who's got more market share in the United States automobile market, Kia or Volkswagon? if you guessed VW, you are one dumb douchebag. today's Detroit News examines the struggling automaker and their plummeting sales.

this is my rifle, this is my gun. this is for fighting, this is for fun. if you needed ANY further evidence that Dick Cheney is a complete jackanapes, look no further.

some say hottest couple since Abelard and Heloise ... Scarlett Johansson and Jordan Catalano (er, I mean Jared Leto). so much god damn buzz revealed!

props out to Wonkette for landing such a HUGE profile in yesterday's NYT! but if anyone out there is fighting on behalf of the journalistic merits of blogs, media mogul Nick Denton pretty much puts an end to that argument with this quote: "...immediacy is more important than accuracy, and humor is more important than accuracy." case closed!

and for those that have been patiently awaiting Nummer and H-Bomb's review of the Janet Jackson episode of Saturday Night Live, wait no more. your Uncle found this episode to be almost incomparably tiresome, and I was left wondering why this show is still on the air. i mean, come ON, didn't Tracy Morgan and Chris Kattan leave the show? are Keenan and Finesse really THAT unseasoned that they need to bring back Tracy Morgan as the lead black male comedian in sketches? and you know that Lorne is really desperate for ratings when he acquiesces to Janet Jackson's demands to be BOTH host and musical guest, and then allows her to lip-sync both of her songs ... uh, isn't the title of the show "Saturday Night LIVE"??? no buzz.

episode 17 revealed!

posted by uncle grambo |
quote-a-matic
"I started out with a lot of Audioslave or anything Chris Cornell -- it helped with the aggression. And Chris Webber from the [Sacramento] Kings. There's a real sweetness behind his eyes, but he's pissed off."
Brad Pitt on the sources of inspiration for his character in "Troy"
be like mark
ECOUTEZ


loretta lynn - van lear rose



REGARDEZ


king of new york (special edition)



LISEZ


john kennedy toole - a confederacy of dunces

adventures w/disposable income
date: 5.8.04
source: CVS
amount: $19.48
(1) liter of Captain's
(2) liters of DC w/lime
(1) mother's day card

snl season 29
REVEALED!
by Nummer & H-Bomb
where's grambo?
may 10: the strokes @ state theatre
may 15: cardigans @ magic stick
may 17: softball league @ 8:30pm
may 17: last tourist @ small's (10pm)
may 24: softball league @ 6:10pm
may 27: sea ray / stills @ st. andrews
june 6: dido @ fox theater
june 7: softball league @ 7:20pm
june 14: softball @ 6:10pm
june 19: jessica's graduation party
june 21: softball @ 8:30pm
june 28: softball @ 6:10pm
july 3 - july 11: vacation @ TBD
july 12: softball @ 7:20pm
july 19: softball @ 7:20pm
july 26: softball @ 9:40pm
august 2: softball @ 7:20pm
august 14: nuptial buzz w/c friggs + lescal!!!
october 23: nuptial buzz w/the grizz + mandypants!!!
twenty word reviews
van helsing
**
REVIEW TK.
hellboy
***
REVIEW TK.
walking tall
*
REVIEW TK.
scooby doo 2: monsters unleashed
NO BUZZ!
REVIEW TK.
dawn of the dead
****1/2
REVIEW TK.
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
****1/2
REVIEW TK.
starsky & hutch
***1/2
REVIEW TK.
girl next door
***
re-imagines "Risky Business" with Vivid Girls instead of prostitutes; marks Elisha Cuthbert's arrival as an alluring, big screen sex symbol.
eurotrip
*
Despite the best efforts of TrachtenBest, suffers greatly from a lack of forward momentum (scriptwise) and some remarkably bland casting
along came polly
**
aside from Philip Seymour Best Ever's performance ("RAIN DANCE!"), I vastly preferred this when it was called "Dharma And Greg."
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