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Friday, July 11, 2003  

rrrr-rap it up

The DetNews (yet again) jumps on a trend started by The Freep. apparently the editors over at The DetNews have been reading and noticing that their cross-town rivals have recently been profiling "cool cities", so they enlisted Michael Hodges to write a story about Hamtramck. despite the fact that The Snooze completely ripped off the idea from The Freep, they get bonus points for actually selecting a city that's cool (unlike Ypsi and The Clem). Hamtramck = buzz.

while yr over at Detnews.com, why don't you check out the following two articles. The Grizz sets the stage for both of this weekend's Eminem concerts @ Ford Field and M. Hudson Hawk's latest Car Culture column.

speaking of The Hawk, he passed along the news that Canibus recently joined the US Army. while he's probably best known for the beef that he had with LL back 'round the days of the "Bulworth OST", now he'll likely be known for droppin' rhymes on an unsuspecting Middle East. check it:

Draft me, pass me the M-16 / Give me a buzz cut, ask me if I give a fuck / I'm comin' out blastin / Military four fashion / Twelve close castin', for weapons of mass-distraction / Outlastin' all the privates in my company / Fightin' for my family, and the cats that grew up with me / My band of brothers, rarely just smother the enemy / Razor blades cut ya face and leave a scar so you remember me / Lurkin' to leave y'all with bloody red turbans / Screamin' "Jihad!" while y'all pray to a false god

whoah. now that's intense. i didn't see that kinda intensity from Riddick Bowe back when he joined the army!

did I tell you or did I tell you? The Dominator is all about the benjamins, baby. Dominik Hasek plans to open his first Dominator Clothing stores in the area. it doesn't get any more SARS than that (link courtesy of The Gorilla).

in his second "Sex And The City" related post in less than a week, Solo takes a new spin on a classic phrase and declares that "white girls love black men." hmmm, interesting reversal buzz. which is the "truer" phrase, "everybody loves white girls" or "white girls love black men"? I'm biased since I invented the first phrase, but what do y'all think? this one smells like controversy.

on a final note, word broke a few days ago that Ashton Kutcher landed the lead role in Cameron Crowe's upcoming "Elizabethtown" ... i hate to break it to you, but this isn't anything other than bad news for Crowe fans. it practically screams desperation from a once Best director. unfortch for all of us, Cameron has been on a precipitious slide of late, first with the well-intentioned yet utterly disappointing "Almost Famous" and then with the trainwreck that was "Vanilla Sky." now Crowe is pinning his hopes on the latest buzz boy, who is certain to have no buzz by the time this film actually gets released (likely late 2004 / early 2005). while I understand why Kutcher is currently riding high and sucking down Buzz Cola like it's Sprite Remix, what I don't understand is how he's actually lining up movie deals with well-established and highly respected directors like Cameron Crowe. look at his resume! when you watch "Dude" or "Just Married" or "That `70s Durst", one doesn't exactly think "movie star" ... tabloid fodder? sure. buzz boy? obvs! leading man? not so much. hopefully Kutcher and Crowe will prove me wrong here (and the hiring of Dunst as the female lead bodes well), but AK's flame has burned too bright too fast. watch out for the crash and burn, Mav.


posted by uncle grambo |

Whatevs Watcher

From Kyle (of Information Leaf Blower fame):
This past Thanksgiving, I was backstage at Roseland here in NYC at the Strokes / Jimmy Fallon show. Somehow a few of us ended up back in Jimmy's dressing room(before the haters out there step up, Jimmy is a genuine nice guy and all around cool cat) drinking and what not while The Strokes were on. Mick Rock and a few other people were all back there. After The Strokes finished their set and what seemed like everyone in the venue came backstage, who should walk into Jimmy's dressing room but my all time hero and idol, Mr. John Patrick McEnroe. As anyone that reads my blog (INFORMATION LEAF BLOWER) will know, I am a huge tennis geek and i totally geeked out when I saw him. I was pretty drunk but knew this would be my only chance to talk to him. So I went up and said something stupid(I think it was "You are my hero!") and he mumbled something. I professed following his career for as long as I can remember (like he's never heard that before) and tried to stay cool but it wasn't working. He was very curt and not in the mood to chat and left soon after. Oh well, I gave it a shot. My only complaint about the whole thing was his wardrobe. Leather pants, a plaid button up and a Mets cap. Not exactly a fashion maven, but hey, we were at a rock show, right?

From DJJK:
Shane Battier was at Skeeps alone last Thurs. Missed him but had confirm he was there. Also had the babe from Deliver Us From Eva in Rick's in the fall. Pretty nice chick.
(EDITOR'S NOTE: I think that DJJK is talking about Gabrielle Union. Buzz.)

Close encounter of the Glavzies kind:
Last summer, my friends and I went to the Detroit Cobras show at the Stick. Jack White was there, so my friends and I start cracking comments amongst ourselves about how we should go up to Jack and say comments such as this:

"Hey Jack. Where's your sister?????......In my apartment."

Well, we continue to humor ourselves some more, and then my friend says to us fairly loud: "Hey Jack, Where's your sister????.....In my pants!!"

At that moment, we look behind us; and guess who is standing right there (directly behind us and practically touching us)..... None other than Jack White. He had to have heard us. But he didn't say anything.... Good times.

Another time, I saw Andy Dick at Ashley's in Ann Arbor. He was with two chicks and we didn't say anything to him. He's very short. Much more so than you would expect.

Now some Real World historical buzz:

One day, many moons ago at the infamous saloon name Scorekeepers, I was speaking with my friend and his friend - Lindsay Brien of RW Seattle fame. We were all chatting it up. Lindsay says to me, "Man, you have small feet." She then places her foot next to mine to compare. In a stroke of genius, I say, "You know what they say about guys with small feet, don't you?" Her reply: "Yeah. Small shoes." Arrgg... She stole my punchline.. My humor was foiled. Anyways. We continue to talk when all of a sudden a big fight breaks out in the bar. Within 5 minutes, the cops are there; and in the commotion, I get separated from my friend and my new little redheaded friend.

After everything clears up, I say to my friend, "Alright, Ryan. I'm gonna go back to my table." My friend says jokingly, "Hey, if a fight breaks out, you got my back, right?" I say, "Me and my two friends all have your back." I say this referring to my upper arms and while I was flexing my large biceps. Lindsay comes up to me and starts feeling my muscles and saying, "You have strong arms. Kiss your muscles for me, kiss them..." I proceed to then kiss my biceps and say reapeatedly to her, "Yeah.. That's right, baby."

Later in the evening, after far too many $2.50 Coors light pitchers (this was when I was heavier and could drink more than both the Dallas Mavericks and Stephen Hawking at the Studio 4 strip club in Windsor combined), I end up talking one-on-one with Ms. Brien for about half an hour... Nothing big, just chit-chat. I'm just jacked that I'm talking to this chick, though well aware that nothing would have happened. After the fact, though, I came to realize that if I was not so inebriated, I could have proceeded in my conversation with a different strategy. However, I was at a point in my life where I only cared about curvacious lady of the bottle and not the lady of the flesh. Anyways, I digress.

Following my night of debauchery, I head over to my friend's place to wake him up and tell of my adventures. I barge into his room and yell, "This is what happens when real people go to Scorekeepers. Welcome to the Real World!!"

Now for some UM athlete experiences:

I once saw Tractor Traylor riding a bike. Classic. Reminiscent of Homer Simpson riding the mini-bike when he was a clown... On a side note: I hope I don't offend anyone here... But do any UM alums remember the midget chick that used to drive around AA on a really small, pink Barbie bike? It had the basket and everything. Very top notch....Top notch... How 'bout a Fresca? Danny, are you for goodness or badness?

HA HA HA HA LOL Weeeeeee!!!!!

I once took a physiology class with a bunch of football players (Scott Dreisbach, Jon Jansen - who coincidentally went to Clawson and who was beat in a 1992 Christmas basketball tournament by the mighty Almont Raiders, Jay Feely, and Glen Steele). For one of the labs, we had to each get a ECG. Well, Scott Dreisbach was one of my lab partners. The idiot guy that was supposed to place the ECG sensors on my chest didn't know what to do, so Dreisbach had to do it. He was touching my bare chest repeatedly. Needless to say, I haven't washed my chest since.

I used to live on Division across from Elbel field. The chick that lived upstairs was a part-time trainer for the football team. She had a party one time and Glen Steele was there. I was talking to him with another guy. This was a bye week after they had lost to Northwestern for the second year in a row (1996, I believe). Well, Glen was telling us about an injury he had received. I then ask him the question: "Did that happen during the Northwestern game." He looks at me with evil eyes (I swear they started turning red), and says in a deep, mean voice, "We don't talk about the Northwestern game." I was like, "Alrighty then. I think I'm going to go back inside." I then went inside and changed my underpants (for obvious reasons).

Earlier in the day, I was helping the girls get their party ready. I carried the keg for them. You know, I love helping the ladies. The one girl had a goldfish and she was telling me how she loved her goldfish because it had actually lived. Well, the morning after the party, I look out my front window and see the keg and a table thrown in the yard. Curious, I go upstairs to talk to the ladies. They told me that Glen and his friend had decided to throw things off of the balcony. Then, I noticed her goldfish was gone. "What happened?" I ask. She replies, "Well, Glen and his friend decided to play catch with the goldfish."

posted by uncle grambo |

The Laser

the laserwhatevs.org is both excited and proud to reveal a brand new feature to the FOW Nation this afternoon. if yr a Detroit hipster, yr already in the know about the sets that the DJ collective known as The Laser (featuring Buddy Lembeck, as pictured at rizz) throws down every Thursday night at the Magic Stick. the team is known to mix it up with hott traxxx that are guaranteed to please The Indie Elite. for example, they revealed an absolutely SICKENING mix of The Postal Service vs. Squarepusher on "Such Great Heights" post-Dando a few weeks back. working in close collaboration with B. Lembeck, whatevs.org will be bringing you their set-lists each and every week. remember, that's every Thursday at The Magic Stick. if you're half as obvs as I know you are, I'll see you there soon. enjoy!

the big american party 07.10.03 featuring the laser

a short set cause of some random stoner rock band, but bonus points for meg white showin' (both white stripes in two weeks at the stick, jack was w/zellwegs there on the 4th.)

the jump off- lil kim (not the magic stick)
rock your body- j. timboan
never leave you- lumidee
aiesha- anoher bad creation (part of the east coast family)
poison- bell biv devoe (another part of the east coast fam)
the humpty dance- digital underground
whats your fantasy?- luda luda
work it- missy e.
ignition (remix)- r. kid toucher
you make me wanna- usher
cameltoe- fannypack (how funky is your chicken? how loose is your goose? my goose is totally loose)
supersonic- jj fad (and we're here to rock)
cha cha slide- casper (now turn it out)
slave4u- britney

posted by uncle grambo |

thar she blows

everyone knows that there's nothing that whatevs.org enjoys covering more than celebrity cokeheads. A List, B List or Kim Mathers, it don't matta. dead or alive, that don't matta either. keeping that last qualification in mind, word is breaking about a story in the latest edition of The National Enquirer which alleges that the plane crash that killed JFK Jr and his wife was caused in part by Carolyn's coke habit. you see, the story goes that CBK had arranged to get some blow from her dealer at Saks. CBK waited and waited and the dealer never showed, causing the couple's trip to Martha's Vineyard to be delayed until nighttime. the rest is hiss, obvs. the report also claims that the Kennedy family hired an investigator to trace her movements (and drug habits) on the day that she died. on a related note, I just picked up the new VF last night (w/Jon Jon and CBK on the covs) and I'm looking forward to spending this weekend pouring through it.

has anyone else out there noticed the parallels between the Detroit Red Wings and the LA Lakers? it really struck me this morning when I read the announcement that Karl Malone will be joining the team next year, only a few days after Gary Payton came to terms with the team. both teams won championships (WIngs went back-to-back, Lakers had a 3-peat), both teams then both suffered early playoff stumbles. The fans in both cities got pissed, and management responded by signing high-profile (yet aging) free agents. The Wings did it with Brett Hull and Chris Chelios, now the Lakers are doing the same thing with Payton and Malone. or am I way off here?

I don't know who your fave movie critic is (Glieberman? Sarris? A.O. Scott? Mitchell? Ebert?), but mine is Manohla Dargis of The Los Angeles Times. even whe she's railing on a film, she manages to do so in a way that isn't over-the-top or showboaty (if that's indeed a word). check out her review of "LXG".

ever wondered what happened to Colleen Haskell (of "Survivor I" and "The Animal" fame)? you remember, she was America's Sweetheart™ for a short period of time between the reigns of Katie Couric and Sarah Hughes. anyslizz, a blog known as What Would Kofi Annan Do investigates and reveals that there's plenty o' Colleen stalkers out there.

The Freep reveals that the streets of Birmingham are teeming with "14 year-old blondes with cellphones." simma down, now!

fans of Melissa Stark will sleep soundly tonight. Melissa Stark heads to NBC for the "Today Show" and the 2004 Olympics. (link via Damore)

can anyone explain how Norah Jones is STILL in the Top 10? she moved another 63K copies of "Come Away With Me" this week. doesn't every MOR 40-something in the universe already own this record?

more l8s.

posted by uncle grambo |

the horror, the horror!

hey celine, why the long face?

posted by uncle grambo |
Thursday, July 10, 2003  

where's finley?

these photos are making their way around the internet as we speak and came to me by way of Big Matt (of Motorcityrocks.com fame)! so much drunken Dallas Mavericks buzz! Dirk must've put back more than his fair share of Miller Lites and it looks like Steve Nash was hooked up to an IV fulla Labatt's Ice. obvs. what wasn't as obvs (until just now) is that Nowitzki spends his bartime near the Golden Tee 2004 machine. yo Dirk, what's yo handicap? btw, the "other dude" is a complete random.

nowitzki buzznowitzki and nash

posted by uncle grambo |

whatevs watcher

nippin for kegziesit's a big hit, baby! two new entries flew into my inbox this morn. enjoy!

From Kegzies (Glamorama-Online.com):
I never told you this, but last December in Krakow I met Chelsea Clinton and her boyfriend at the time Ian. My friend and I were sitting in a Mexican restaurant on the square here in town and the place was pretty empty except for a couple sitting over to the right. I recognized Chelsea and whispered the fact to my friend--he backed me up so we came up with a way to start a conversation. My buddy is a pretty sociable guy, so he just went over with some b.s. like "I'm a big fan of your dad" and we were in!

I ended up talking with the two of them for an hour or so. This was when Chelsea was studying at Oxford and they were taking a trip through Central Europe for their vacation. We talked about foreign affairs, the crisis in Iraq, the state department exam...you know, stuff like that. She was really cool and down to earth. Really, if you didn't know better, you would just think she was your average college girl. They invited us to party with them after dinner but we declined, as we could see the lovebirds wanted to be together for the night. We pointed them in the direction of a club and said goodnight.

From Joe-Ice:
i recently spotted Muhammad Ali waiting outside of the women's bathroom at ORD. (possibly waiting for layla?) there he sat ... all spaced out on one of those senior-citizen-mover giant golf cart things. no one else was noticing him. so i moved quick. shuffled over to him and then -- too blacked out by greatness to utter anything profound -- i just rubbed his hand and said "it's so nice to see you" i then broke out in a sweat and ran.
(EDITOR'S NOTE: ORD = O'Hare International Airport. I had to ask).

posted by uncle grambo |

somebody's watching me

i think that someone from the Los Angeles Times has assigned a Midwestern freelancer to shadow your Uncle Grambo. on Sunday night, I visited Trader Joe's (as seen in my Last Adventure With Disposable Income ... I've been a good boy this week and haven't spent any cash). i bought some groceries and life has been good ever since, but I've had the bizarre feeling that someone has been watching me from afar. then I was flipping through the LA Times this morning and discovered this article on Trader Joe's! but wait, it gets creepier ... when I was there, I bought some spinach ravioli. the Times reporter talks about Trader Joe's spinach lasagna. coincidence? i think not. i bet you dollars to donuts that the reporter bought spinach ravioli but wrote spinach lasagna just to throw me off her scent. developing...

when it's time to party, i will party hardperhaps Baby Spice should hook up with Andrew WK. it appears that Baby is in trouble with her neighbours for partying too hard. note to self: begin using "posh" as an adjective more. or does that make me a ponce? bloomin' ell guv'nor, care for a spotta Tetley's? oh no, I'm fookin' turnin' British! must ... get ... back ... to ... American ... topics ....

Kobe Bryant submits DNA during hospital visit. much has been made of the fact that Colorado has a very broad definition of what constitutes sexual assualt, ranging from touching a clothed body part to nookie itself. and i'm sure this is all standard procedure, but this would seem to point to the fact that we're talking about more than Kobe smacking some waitresses' ass at a bar. and it also seems very strange that a Vail Taxi driver told the Orange County register that he picked up Kobe and three of his boys from the hospital ... wouldn't you think KB would be rolling around Vail in something other than a taxicab? developing ...

while it appears that NME has passed on the Jack White story featured earlier this week on whatevs.org, our fave British music magazine has two exciting reports this morning. first off, Dido is set to release her new single on September 1st. somewhere Craig Kilborn is smiling. and they are also reporting that Frank Black dreams of reuniting The Pixies and that the band still gets together to jam every once in awhile!!! while I would certainly be one of the first inline to buy tix for a Pixies reunion concert, I think that this is a case of something that sounds good on paper but has a tremendously high chance of going very awry if it actually happened. Black Francis admits as much: "I’m afraid that it’d be a big, big failure." developing...

"Sometimes they think you are calling the dope man." The Freep reports that 23,928 households in Detroit don't have a phone and that most of these people use a pay phone to make their calls. meanwhile, right down Jeff, Grosse Pointe residents pay $2 for someone else to check the air in their tires.

former Detroit Tiger Randall Simon attacks a human sausage with a baseball bat. 'nuff said.

posted by uncle grambo |
Wednesday, July 09, 2003  

whatevs watcher

it's the midwestern version of Gawker Stalker! the original unofficial entry was exactly one year ago tomorrow, when whatevs.org spotted Shane Battier lunching on bagels (and white girls!) at Einstein's Bagels in Troy, MI. other unofficial entries include Paula Marshall at MSG, Parker Posey on the Unprotected Hottness 2003 Tour, Pearl Jam's Jeff Ament (as spotted by APLarcadia) and Kim Mathers (as spotted by both of the Peabs bros). well today's first official entry comes from none other than my parents, Mr. and Mrs. Graham, currently vacationing on Kiawah Island in South Carolina. turns out that my folks are just lounging on the beach, enjoying the fine weather when they strike up a conversation with a gentleman about a variety of topics (golf, restaurants, real estate, blah blah blah). my Dad asks the man what he does for a living and he says that "Well, I used to work for The Detroit Pistons" ... turns out that it's Rick Carlisle, former coach of The `Stons. kiawah buzz!

if you've recently had a celeb encounter, I would like to know about it. send an email to me at markdgraham@yahoo.com and include as many details as poss, including (but not limited to) whether or not the celebrity likes white girls. because, as we know, everybody loves white girls. obvs. pictures would also be great, though not necessary. any and all contributions will be accepted, no matter how lame the celeb. i sent my NYC celeb sightings to Gawker and didn't even get the common courtesy of an auto-reply saying thanks for the contribution. SARS. but that's not the way that the Whatevs Watcher will operate. pinky swear.

oh, and on a somewhat related topic, the Rochester Hills buzz continues to grow damn near as hott as Ashley Harkleroad's arse ... Eminem just bought a 15,000 square foot mansion that sits on six acres of property in Tha Roch. can't wait for the first time I see Em in line at Lipuma's. or better yet, waitin' on Seasoned Fries at The B. Bar. best.

UPDATE: No less than five minutes after this originally posted, Cali-based FOW R. Layng Karvola revealed the second official Whatevs Watcher entry! here goes:

on July 3rd while going through Securidad de Aeropuerto, I witnessed Scott Caan going through the metal dectector twice, and then having to remove his boots. I coasted thru without problems. LAX, terminal 2. He was wearing a tight navy blue vintagey t-shirt, greased back hair, and jeans. His boots which were not on his feet were well worn biker boots. You know the ones with the metal ring on the outsides with the three converging straps.

Thank you Mr. Karvola. as a token of my gratitude, you will be blessed with 10,000 virgins upon your entrance into the Great Beyond. this I promise you.

posted by uncle grambo |

nolo contendere

yesterday Jeffrey Jones (aka Eddie Barzune and Principal Rooney) pleaded no contest to hiring a 14-year-old boy to pose for sexually explicit photos (think he told the kid "your ass is MINE!", circa the Ferris look-alike playing video games in the pizza place?). however, he did indeed plead guilty to being hideously fat.

The Smoking Gun reveals that ABC is paying Trista and Ryan $1 million to get married.

film geeks everywhere rejoice. "Battle Royale II: Requiem" is headed to a movie screen near you. Flaming Lips fans will recall that the original "Battle Royale" was screened during their recent tour -- it's the film where the Japanese girls assassinate each other in a classroom. Attendees of the now infamous "Poppin' Cris In The Birm" party will also remember that this film was on a continuous loop throughout the course of the night. buzz.

a brief history of tatts on my mizzbreast clubs and famous people go together like The Captain and Tenille. rarely a week goes by in the gossip rags where you don't hear about Colin Farrell getting lappies, Derek Jeter partying at Scores, or Vince Neil trying to relive his glory days somewhere on The Strip. but I bet that you never thought you'd see the day where you would read that Stephen Hawking "watched (exotic dancer Tiger) strip naked during a string of steamy dances" (!!!) yes, i'm talking about THAT Stephen Hawking. yes indeed, even the smartest man in the world enjoys tatters up in his fizz on occasion. who doesn't? i say buzz, but it would've been more buzz if he woulda been spotted at The Sugar Shack (NSFW), Lake Geneva stizz. obvs. (link via Miss Modernage)

it's time to live it up like Jay and Silent Bob. Morris Day And The Time to appear at Pontiac's "Arts, Beats and Eats Festival." it's jungle love, yeah! oh wee oh wee oh. girl i wanna know ya (know ya)!

and in what certainly is the best news since Pizza Hut relaunched the P'Zone, Solo (of Solotarian Views fame) reveals that 7-Elevens nationwide are giving away FREE SLURPEES ON FRIDAY! quoth the press release, "On July 11, each participating 7-Eleven store will offer 1,000 customers a free 7.11-oz. Slurpee drink of their choice. The featured Slurpee flavor this month is Mountain Dew Live Wire. Participating stores also will be sampling Big Eats Bakery Dreammm Donuts, new beef enchilada-flavored 7-Eleven Go-Go Taquitos, Chipper Snacks, Briar's Premium Root Beer and DEFCON3 Energy Drinks." this revelation completely makes up for the fact that Solo recently copped to the fact that he willing watched an episode of "Sex And The City" ... well almost.

posted by uncle grambo |

separated at birth

crypt keeper?maria shriver?

the above separated at birth was suggested by The Grizz. howevs, after looking at that Shriver buzz, I thought about the striking resemblance to Trap-Jaw of "Masters Of The Universe" fame. thoughts?

jaws of deathtrap jaw buzz

posted by uncle grambo |

too good to be true?


"In anticipation of the August 15th nationwide opening of the film, "Freddy vs. Jason", come place your bets on who will win the ultimate showdown as two of the movie's most iconic and notorious madmen, Freddy Krueger (from the Nightmare on Elm Street series) and Jason Vorhees (from the Friday the 13th series), meet face to face for a pre-fight press conference at Bally's Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas.

The event, which will be emceed by famed fight announcer Michael Buffer ("Let's get ready to rrrrruuuummmmbbbblle!"), will feature all of the excitement and posturing that leads up to all of the great prizefights. During the conference, Freddy and Jason will take part in the traditional weigh-in and will take questions from the audience. Bally's will also be revealing their "odds" on the fight!

Screening of the movie is that night, you MUST attend the conference to attend the screening."

no WAY! anyone else interested in flying out to Vegas next Tuesday? pre-fight press conferences? weigh-ins? audience Q+A? so much fookin' buzz! Enter to win!

posted by uncle grambo |

gamecube fans rejoice!

streets on July 28admittedly, fans of the Nintendo GameCube are few and far between. yeah, PS2 has way better games and you don't hear Liz Phair singing "I wanna play GameCube on your floor" like she does about Xbox, but there's just something about the whole Super Mario Crew that still appeals to the now 28-year old Uncle Grambo. and the reassuring thing is that I happen to know a whole lot of other peeps who feel the same way. i'm talkin' bout The Grizz, Mandypants, Nummer, Peabs, Seante, Ferg W Bush (aka JT Lancer), Lambs and a slew of other FOWs. i mean c'mon, if you haven't played WarioWare Inc. for the GBA yet, you're missing out in the best videogame to come out in years! yes, that includes GTA3, Vice City, Metal Gear and all that jazz. but while the buzz on Wario World (for the GC) hasn't been entirely stellar, there have been some recent announcements that will drive Nintendo fans into epileptic fits of anticipatory buzz...

Waluigi! on July 28, look for Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour to hit the shelves of your local Besties ... looks like you can count UG out of any social activities that week! while some of the reviews from E3 a few weeks back were slightly harsh on this title's gameplay, I'm sure the good folks at Camelot went back and made the necessary improvements to make this an all-time classic. there were some epic Sig Vills confrontations involving Mario Golf, look for more on a local couch near you sometime soon!

best!best!in other pertinent GameCube news, Mario Tennis has been announced as a release, yet unfortunately has not lined up a stable US drop date. fans of the N64 know and appreciate the fact that more than one match came down to a third-set tiebreaker ... developing. MarioKart Double Dash has been rumoured for a Q4 `03 release for quite some time, though Nintendo hasn't officially committed to a release date.

and because your Uncle Grambo always saves the best news for last, IGN is reporting that Hudson Soft and Nintendo are in the final stages of prepping for a November 11th release date of MARIO PARTY 5!!! no additional words need to be spoken. quit your day jobs and get ready to Mario Party harder than evs this winter ... so BEST!

posted by uncle grambo |
Tuesday, July 08, 2003  

c l i c k

Chicago Cubs manager Dusty Baker on playing baseball why black and Hispanic players are better suited to playing baseball in the heat that white players: "It's easier for most Latin guys and it's easier for most minority people because most of us come from heat. You don't find too many brothers in New Hampshire and Maine and the Upper Peninsula of Michigan ... We were brought over here for the heat, right? Isn't that history? Weren't we brought over because we could take the heat?" wow. maybe it's true. maybe it's false. but what's undeniable is that you just don't say shit like that in public, let alone to reporters! if he was white, i guarantee he would've been fired on the spot.

when I flipped open my latest issue of EW and didn't find Joel Stein's column on the back page, I was hoping that he was on a short hiatus. but my worst fears appear to have come true, as The Velvet Ropers have all but confirmed that Stein got axed. which is wurst.

other startling news from the Velvet Ropers ... Ryan Adams is dating Parker Posey!!!

EW on why "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle" underperformed at the box office.

now even The Economist has decided to weigh in on Metrosexuals! that's become the buzzword du jour. (link courtesy of Kegzies)

if you haven't done so already, go visit Gothamist right now. it's exactly what I envisioned whatevs.org becoming when I first thought of the website (and likely what it would've become if I had more time to write). it's beyond mega tiggs. i am officially jealous and have been for the past few weeks. add it to your bookmarks.

posted by uncle grambo |

in brief

Miss Modernage waxes reminiscently about Placebo's legendarily underrated "Without You I'm Nothing" ... ah, that brings back the memories of the very same tour when Placebo rolled through St. Andrew's Hall. The Grizz and I were in attendance and even got to meet Brian Molko after the show at a meet and greet. But the evening's highlight was when a drunken fratstar heckler tried to rile up Molko by shouting things like "Fag!" and "Play some Skynard, man!" and Molko quietly and calmly dismissed this total loser by saying "Looks like you've got more money than brains." Molko ... still best after all these years.

Dominik Hasek announced this morning that he would end his one-year retirement and return to the NHL next year. will he end up playing for the Red Wings? if I were Kenny Holland, I would trade his ass. what a douchebag. he's 39 years old, he's set to earn $8 mills this year, he hasn't played hockey for a year and (quite frankly) I feel like he had a minimal part in the Wings' Stanley Cup victory in 2002. i thought that while CuJo could've played better vs. Anaheim, he hardly cost the team the series. but this just another one of a long-list of athletes who've "retired" only to come back when they realize how much money that they're NOT making. what happened to "After 21 years of professional hockey, I just don't have the fire within me to keep going. I can't compete at the level I want to compete at." i think that Hasek thought about the 8 million reasons to return. that's why he's back. i say wurst.

Slate.com's TV critic, Virginia Heffernan, takes a look at this season of "Project Greenlight" on HBO. while the season is still young, this is proving to be another great season of must-see TV. while there's no Biagi, Pat Peach or Pete Jones to laugh at, the "characters" this season are starting to grow on me. plus there's always Balis, who in and of himself is reason enough to watch the show. it's been interesting to see how he's matured and grown from last year's experience, but you know that he's still capable of screwing up royally ... it's only a matter of time. and btw, this week's EW reveals that Pete Jones is directing a new movie! i couldn't find any info online, but I remember from the print version that it's a low budget indie about a seemingly straight guy who is actually gay. filming is set to begin by the end of the summer. developing...

posted by uncle grambo |
Monday, July 07, 2003  

we have a winner!

just when you thought that Rolling Stone couldn't get any worse, somehow the geniuses that run that terminally ill mag one-up you while simulataneously usurping buzz from Eminem. fresh off the whole Clay Aiken fiasco, they decide to put a painting (???) of Em on the cover. who are the ad wizards who came up with that one? what, now RS can't even land him for a photo shoot? and the cover's subhead reads "Essential Albums, Bootlegs and the Making of 'Lose Yourself'" ... is this supposed to stir interest in ANYONE? let's see, Essential Eminem Albums ... doesn't everyone in America (or at least what RS believes their demographic to be) already own all four of them? okay, shall we take a look at the making of "Lose Yourself" ... it's called the DVD for "8 Mile"!!! i know that I'm beating a dead horse here and kicking a man when he's down and all the other related cliches, but it's impossible not to trash this unbelievably durst publication! and the kicker is that they made this their cover story AND THERE'S NOT EVEN ONE NEW QUOTE FROM EMINEM TO BE FOUND. i could go on (the writer has the gall to call him "the original angsta") and on (quoting entire verses from "Sing For The Moment" like they're a revelation ... uh, the album's been out for over a year), but I'll just let the cover speak for itself.

ladies and gentleman, welcome to the Apocalypse

posted by uncle grambo |

posts of unusual size

beyonce is still bootyliciousthe NYT is coming dangerously close to Pitchfork status in my book. first there was the whole Jayson Blair debaucle, then the whole Meghan "Durst" O'Rourke article where she unjustly trashed Liz Phair, now this! in an article that has to be read to be believed, some freakshow named Kelefa Sanneh asserts that Ashanti's new album outdoes the new Beyonce! quoth Sanneh, "(Ashanti's) not trying to convince us she's crazy in love. On the contrary, she dismisses old boyfriends (and, perhaps, duet partners) with the same noncommittal sigh she uses to welcome new ones, and this unflappability suggests a kind of strength." say WHAT? so durst its not even funns.

breaking news! Britney Spears FINALLY admits that she slept with Justin Trousersnake!!! i quote, "I’ve only slept with one person in my whole life. It was two years into my relationship with Justin and I thought he was the one. But I was wrong. I didn’t think he was going to go on Barbara Walters and sell me out.” oh Brit Brit, if I didn't know better I'd think that you just ate a bowl fulla sour grapes! still, this is buzz.

Catherine's Pita has some really cool shots of Fourth Of July fireworks in NYC.

okay, I take back everything good I ever said about The Freep. first off, last week some DB had the audacity to write an article praising "The Clem" (eff that). but wait folks, it gets durst. The Freep has just declared that Ypsilanti is a "cool city." now don't get me wrong, I value the merits of B-Dubz and Deja Vu as much as the next guy, but trying to build buzz for Ypsi is like trying to convince me that I absolutely, LIKE RIGHT NOW, need to go out and buy a copy of the new Train album ... there's just no point because it ain't ever gonna happs. Ypsi blows, it's always blown and it will continue to blow so long as there is life on Earth. The Freep ... so disappointing on so many levels.

The Morning News just published a really good article about songs that you should listen to during just about every summertime weather condition possible.

Rochester Hills continues to build buzz in ways no one ever thought poss. next in line for famous natives of The Roch (in no way should this nickname EVER be confused with "The Clem") is Lisa Shannon, who will be starring on CBS new reality dating show called "Cupid." word has it that The Squirrel dated her for a short time, so I'll get in touch with my West Coast amigo and see if I can't get some dirt for the FOW Nation.

worst song of the summer? gotta be The Ataris' version of "Boys Of Summer" ... while I still hold a soft spot in my hardened heart for the Don Henley version, the recent DJ Sammy tranced-out SARS fest has forever tainted the cover potential of the song, much like Sheryl Crow's god awful rendition of "Sweet Child O'Mine" a few years back. in better Don Henley news, remembs when the trailer for Gus Van Sant's "To Die For" was set to "Dirty Laundry"? pure hottness.

this is starting to unravel into a post of Gheorge Muresan proportions, but there's just been so much whatevs worthy content coming out in the past few days! so, in conclusion, check out the line-up for this summer's "Gathering Of The Juggalos." yes, I just said "Gathering Of The Juggalos" without a trace of sarcasm. lest you think I'm kidding, you really should click through on the link above. while being sprayed with Faygo for an entire weekend by a bunch of crazed WT Juggalos isn't exactly my cup of tea, the line-up that ICP has assembled for the weekend is a lot fresher than you might imagine. seriously. Esham, Vanilla Ice, Bushwick Bill and (of course) the ICP themselves will all be performing at a 250-acre campground! other planned events include Juggalo Championshit Wrestling matches, a Lingerie Contest, paintball, jousting, therapeutic massages and the famed Miss Juggalette Pageant! sounds completely best, despite the fact that the highly anticipated Sixth Joker's Card was one of the larger let-downs in my life. howevs, i still say buzz.

posted by uncle grambo |

at least it wasn't "unchained melody"

thanks to Big Matt from Motorcityrocks.com for forwarding along these exclusive Jack White pics that he shot on July 4th. You see, Little Jackie White got on stage at The Magic Stick for a quickie performance of "Louie Louie" during the grand opening celebration for a new record store called Young Soul Rebel Records (located right above C-Pop). Read all about it over on Motorcityrocks' news page. anyone else thinks he looks a little bit like a garage rock version of Lon Chaney wearing a Puffy Shirt, "Seinfeld" stizz?

(UPDATE: Got an email from Big Matt this morning requesting that the photos of Jack Whizz get pulled down. Turns out there's some negotiation going on with NME about getting the rights to the photos and that he was concerned that people would steal them from whatevs.org. So, if yr interested, head on over to Motorcityrocks.com to check them out. Sorry for any inconveniences.)

posted by uncle grambo |

back 2 bloggin'

fourth of july weekend. so much buzz. so much Retro Buzz! Damore's impromptu post-Guster houseparty was legendary on so many levels. so much beer! so many hotties (incl. VandenBest and the heretofor-unrevealed VandenBetter)!! it was a nice warm-up for the heavily buzzed-about Damore-A-Palooza on Saturday, July 26th. yowza.

first things first. RIP Barry White. Arby's commercials just won't be the same anymore ... memo to Arby's ad agency: i suggest replacing the voice of "your hunger" with Gilbert Gottfried. obvs.

those boobs were made for fondlingin the biggest Freudian slip since the halcyon days of "Joey Mills" (when Evan told Zora, "Those are nice breasts, uh, I mean, that's a nice dress"), England's Prince Charles asked Liberty X's Michelle Heaton (pictured at rizz) about the army boots that she was wearing at the Party In The Park concert. He said, "How heavy are your boobs — oh, sorry, I mean boots?" no word on whether Horse Face Camilla got jealous. and in other breaking Party In The Park news involving Prince Charles, he made a comment to Beyonce that "(Prince) Wills fancies you." well no shazzers, the entire world is crazy in love with B!

in shocking NBA news, Kobe Bryant was arrested on sexual assault charges this weekend. next thing you know, there's going to be a headline about an NBA Player fathering a child out of wedlock! what is the world coming to???

ever wondered about the rules of celebrity dating? according to MSNBC gossip columnist Jeannette Walls, there is an official dating hierarchy for the rich and famous and it goes like this:

  • Major Royalty (that is, Wills)

  • Movie Stars

  • TV Stars

  • Minor Royalty

  • Rock stars (says Walls, "Rock stars, after all, will date anyone. Rock stars date porn stars.")

and while we're on the topic of famous celebrities, Tina Brown breaks down the success of Bonnie Fuller as Editor-In-Chief at US Weekly in weekly column for the Times of London: "Fuller's cleverness at US WEEKLY was knowing that there are only four or five celebrities anyone under 28 wants to read about. They are, currently, Reese and her husband Ryan Phillippe; 'Charlie’s Angel' Drew Barrymore; the 25-year-old 'Punk’d' star and Demi Moore playmate Ashton Kutcher; and Beyonce Knowles, the Destiny’s Child babe. The other featured “stars” — spawned by reality TV, sitcoms, sequels to blockbusters, and way-up-the-dial cable channels — are around too briefly to make it worthwhile memorising their names." you know, I'd never thought of it that way, but I think that Tina hit the proverbial nail on the proverbial head. proverbially speaking, of course. obvs. (link via Romenesko)

last but not least, this weekend saw two snoozer-iffic Wimbledon finales. Saturday saw Serena whoop an obviously hurting Venus and Sunday saw Roger Federer dominate Mark Philippoussis in a straight sets victory. while the Federer v. Philippoussis match appeared to be a close affair (two tiebreakers), Philippoussis was never really able to get his serve humming the way it had been throughout the fortnight. while Wimbledon lost some buzz after the Americans got beat, the tournament got me psyched for the US Open next month. here's hoping for some serious Ashley Harkleroad buzz, a healthy Anna Pornikova and, fingers crossed, an Agassi / Roddick men's final.

posted by uncle grambo |

you wouldn't like me when I'm horny!

The Hulk's got nards! "Considering the doll is only 12-inches tall, it’s amazing how big his willy is!"

Radioactive Boner BuzzPurple Headed Warrior Breaks Through Purple Pants

posted by uncle grambo |
"I started out with a lot of Audioslave or anything Chris Cornell -- it helped with the aggression. And Chris Webber from the [Sacramento] Kings. There's a real sweetness behind his eyes, but he's pissed off."
Brad Pitt on the sources of inspiration for his character in "Troy"
be like mark

loretta lynn - van lear rose


king of new york (special edition)


john kennedy toole - a confederacy of dunces

adventures w/disposable income
date: 5.8.04
source: CVS
amount: $19.48
(1) liter of Captain's
(2) liters of DC w/lime
(1) mother's day card

snl season 29
by Nummer & H-Bomb
where's grambo?
may 10: the strokes @ state theatre
may 15: cardigans @ magic stick
may 17: softball league @ 8:30pm
may 17: last tourist @ small's (10pm)
may 24: softball league @ 6:10pm
may 27: sea ray / stills @ st. andrews
june 6: dido @ fox theater
june 7: softball league @ 7:20pm
june 14: softball @ 6:10pm
june 19: jessica's graduation party
june 21: softball @ 8:30pm
june 28: softball @ 6:10pm
july 3 - july 11: vacation @ TBD
july 12: softball @ 7:20pm
july 19: softball @ 7:20pm
july 26: softball @ 9:40pm
august 2: softball @ 7:20pm
august 14: nuptial buzz w/c friggs + lescal!!!
october 23: nuptial buzz w/the grizz + mandypants!!!
twenty word reviews
van helsing
walking tall
scooby doo 2: monsters unleashed
dawn of the dead
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
starsky & hutch
girl next door
re-imagines "Risky Business" with Vivid Girls instead of prostitutes; marks Elisha Cuthbert's arrival as an alluring, big screen sex symbol.
Despite the best efforts of TrachtenBest, suffers greatly from a lack of forward momentum (scriptwise) and some remarkably bland casting
along came polly
aside from Philip Seymour Best Ever's performance ("RAIN DANCE!"), I vastly preferred this when it was called "Dharma And Greg."
search THIS!

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