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Friday, February 28, 2003
do not go gentle into that good night
have a great weekend FOWs of the world. remember, The Boss is on CBS tonight! don't miss out! c u l8r americans!
posted by uncle grambo |
punk rock is alive and well!
thanks to Rolling Stone!
er, maybe not.posted by uncle grambo |
an open response to content found on Glamorama
there has been a friendly rivalry between whatevs.org and Glamorama ever since Kegzies launched his site last May or so. i don't know if you happened to swing by Glamorama yesterday, but Mike wrote a post praising "Songbird", the fourth single from Oasis' "Heathen Chemistry" album. while I personally have no opinions on the song (only listened to the album once and decided that once was enough), the post referenced a quote from Chris Martin that compared Liam Gallagher to Beethoven. i had heard this quote before, but its contextual placement within the post prompted me to compose this open response to The State Of BritPop ™ in 2003...
-----Original Message-----posted by uncle grambo |
breaking Jennifer Garner news!
by popular (if somewhat sarcastic) demand on the whatevs.org comment boards! Twentieth Century Fox has issued a press release confirming that, in addition to working on a "Daredevil" sequel, they are moving forward with "a new event film based on the Elektra character." no word if JG has inked a contract, but you can bet with all of the buzz she's got she'll get a Big Fat Greek Payday (in case you haven't seen "DD", Garner's Elektra character is Greek ... get it?). Garner ... so popular! who knew?posted by uncle grambo |
grizz gon give it 2 ya
this morning's DetNews is like manna for FOWs. not one, not two, but THREE articles by The Grizz. we haven't seen a day this fruitful in months! for you music buffs looking to pick up some new discs over the weekend, you'll be interested to read his thoughts on the new Richard Ashcroft album ("drowns in a sea of overwrought string arrangements and downtempo melodrama"), not to mention his take on The Music's self-titled debut ("The Music isn't about ironic detachment, celebrity posturing or even about lyrics -- it's about the music, the sort of swirling, psychedelic and layered guitar rock that music geeks and teen-age boys dream the music world would produce more of"). and in honor of Mr. Rogers, he takes a look at how his passing is going to leave a void in our lives. so hott!posted by uncle grambo |
Thursday, February 27, 2003
and it was all YELLOW
thank God, now I can finally leave my apartment! take the duct tape and Saran Wrap off your windows because Ashcroft, Ridge and co. have lowered the Terror Alert Level from orange to YELLOW! let's celebrate in the streets! with our fears finally calmed, i just KNOW that i'm totally gonna get laid tonight! come, let's frolick blissfully together with all the lights off, save for the soothing YELLOW glow of the Terror Alert level on the television! let's exchange tender kisses knowing that we'll wake up tomorrow and we'll have vanquished the threat of Osama for yet another day! remember how when we were kids we used to hold up buttercups to each other's cheeks to see our skin glow YELLOW? these are the feelings of warmth and nostalgia that the YELLOW Terror Alert should inspire in all of us! so what if there's still a "Significant Risk" of a terrorist attack? shit, just last night while a nation sat watching "I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here", our government protectors were warning us of a "High Risk" of attack. i remember lying with you in the dark, both of us too nervous to fall asleep or even talk, because we knew that any sort of a ruckus would lead the infidels straight to our suburban lair. but today we have been saved, our enemies vanquished! our fears have been lifted with a simple shift in the color spectrum!! think about it! in order to get from orange to YELLOW on a color wheel, all you need to do is remove some red. get it? you know, removing the red is liking removing bloodshed from our world! now it's all like a Chris Martin dream, everything's all YELLOW. i just knew that when I awoke this morning all would be right with the world. the birds were singing. the squirrels were dancing playfully. even the raccoon who spread trash all across my front lawn had a wink and a smile for me. joyest joy of all joys, i can't remember a day when i felt more ALIVE!posted by uncle grambo |
blue horseshoe LOVES endicott steel
i gotta throw props out to long-time FOW / first time contributor M. Hudson Hawk for forwarding this along. according to a report issued by CBS MarketWatch, GM CFO John Devine confirmed that "OnStar is in the black" at an analyst conference in New York yesterday. profitability buzz is always better than bankruptcy buzz!posted by uncle grambo |
just got this message from HostRocket, looks like there may some downtime for whatevs.org later this afternoon. no buzz. this week has been all effed up. FTP problems, then BackBlog was down most of yesterday, now this! W-U-R-S-T. my apologies in advance...
posted by uncle grambo |
snl season 28 ... revealed!
while i was planning on spending Saturday night with Peabs and the Boys out in GP watching the Tyson fight, the Gods interfered with an epic snowstorm that left the roads in worse condition than Robert Blake. i was fortunate enough to have read Nummer and The H-Bomb's buzz-laden pre-show review of Saturday Night Live's Christopher Walken / Foo Fighters episode. i kicked back on my ole reliable Pier One couch with a full glass of Glenmorangie and was delighted to experience one of the hottest SNLs of all-time. not only were Walken and The Foos off the heez, guest cameos from Steve Martin, Britney Spears, Will Ferrell and Jim Carrey added to the evening's extraordinary hottness. there was even a backhanded reference to The Grizz's "Ferrell vs. Farrell" column from a few weeks back (sorta, but not really). but before I ramble for too long, I'll turn over the Recap Duties to our SNL Experts, Nummer and The H-Bomb.
full fledged depression on a thursday morn
so when i went to bed last night, all seemed well in the world. i had a kickass day at work, i got a lot accomplished and a promotion looks likely sometime in the next few days. i never thought that Biggie's words would be so prophetic ... ya know, "mo money, mo problems." i don't have any of the money just yet, but it seems like problems have emerged overnight.
first of all, my clock alarm goes off around 7:30 to the sound of Trudi News (from the Drew & Mike show) informing me that Mr. Rogers died last night. talk about worst ever, Mr. Rogers was one of the few shining beacons of all that is good and right with the world and was obviously an inspiration for millions of young Americans. tell me that you didn't want an exact replica of that train in YOUR living room when you were growing up? and when that train went into the hole in that wall and came out in King Friday's kingdom? best evs. truth be told, when i was sitting on my ass after getting unceremoniously laid off a few summers back, I made sure I caught an episode or two per week of "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood". at i'll be god damned if i didn't feel happier and more confident and took a positive attitude along with me for the rest of the day -- let me tell you, it's extremely rare to feel all three of those sentiments at the same time that you're sending out 10-15 resumes per day and not getting jack squat in return and I had Mr. Rogers to thank for preventing me from slipping into an abyss of self-loathing. RIP Mr. R, you'll always be tigs in our hearts.
as if that news wasn't worst evs enough, i flipped on MTV2 and saw the latest Johnny Cash video, a stripped down and hauting cover of Nine Inch Nails' "Hurt." have you heard the song and/or seen the video? Johnny Cash's tired corpse is nothing other than a shell of what the defiant Man In Black used to be, especially when he was rocked Folsom Prison. perhaps this is why the song depressed me so much, but the fact that Cash now looks like an extra from "Thriller" didn't help matters much either. things got ever worse when i sat down at the computer this morning for my daily spin through all of the necessary buzz locales. these three items caught my eye and added to the anti-buzz:
someone send through some good news, it's gettin' mighty depressin' over hee-ahr! help a brotha out!posted by uncle grambo |
Wednesday, February 26, 2003
it's been a good week for pedophiles. with his win at the BAFTA Awards, Roman Polanski is making a serious run at this year's Oscar for Best Director. and (alleged) teen banger R. Kelly will debut at #1 on next week's Top 200 Billboard Album Charts after selling 532,000 copies of his dubiously named "Chocolate Factory" LP. i guess this just goes to prove that there is no such thing as bad publicity. have you heard the new single from the album, "Ignition"? while i've never been a fan of Kell's solo work, this song is hott! regardless, this debut really makes you wonder what the Eff happened to "The Best Of Both Worlds", the album that he and J. Hova released last spring ... why didn't that sell any copies???posted by uncle grambo |
wall to wall meetings
...until 4pm this afternoon. just wanted to let y'all know that there probably won't be any updates until late in the day. peas!posted by uncle grambo |
Tuesday, February 25, 2003
maybe HUGS are better than drugs after all! a female 7th grade teacher from New Jersey was arrested yesterday and charged with "aggravated sexual contact" after having sex with one of her students over 20 times in the past two years. the 13 year old boy met his 35-year old teacher in a social studies class and an afterschool program called HUGS (Helping Underprivileged and Gifted Students). the teacher is now preggers with her student's child, which obvs reminds me of Mary Kay LeTourneau and one of the best Norm MacDonald crack backs of all-time:
posted by uncle grambo |
herbert kornfeld ... REVEALED!
ah, The Onion. while it used to be weekly required reading back in the late `90s, my perusal of the site has waned considerably. however, my daily click to Romanesko revealed this interview with Maria Schneider, staff writer at The Onion. among other characters, Schneider is the voice of Herbert Kornfeld, the ultra bad-ass "Accountz Reeceevable supervisa" whose Letta Opener Of Death is even more legendary than Milton's Swingline stapler in "Office Space." good shizz.posted by uncle grambo |
this is what i'm tawlkin' bout
while America was watching Snore-Ah Jones pick up her fifth Grammy of the night for "Best Album", this is what was going on behind the scenes (courtesy of MTV News.com) ...
MEMO TO CBS: when ABC broadcasts The Oscars, they have cameras and even Dick Clark backstage! why haven't your punkass producers thought of this?!? this is the kind of moment that would've made television history! a legend comforting a legend-in-the-making? best. this just goes to show how classy Bruce truly is. no words of wisdom, no "you'll get 'em next time, kid", just a simple and reassuring arm around the shoulder to show respect and acknowledge an appreciation of an artist's work. and for all of Em's braggadocio about not really caring if he wins or loses Grammys, a rare moment like this goes to prove that he cares about his music and his craft more than anything in the world and that he was truly disappointed by not winning. Em and Bruce ... best.
MEMO TO ABC: Everyone knows that this year's Oscars are going to be snooze-a-riff. "The Hours" versus "The Pianist"? yawn. you want ratings? take advantage of the Bruce / Eminem convergence and suggest that Em perform "Lose Yourself" with The E-Street Band! how hott would that be? Bruce and Em trading verses about Mekhi Pfifer and Mom's spaghetti? BEST OF ALL-TIME!!!posted by uncle grambo |
can you hear me now?
official explanation from Host Rocket on why I couldn't post yesterday. i felt like Homer Simpson trying to communicate with their Customer Support Staff ... "they have the Internet on computers these days?" check out what I mean...
Original Question Sent on 2003-02-24 at 19:26:51 EST:
whew! DNS FTP DOS? more like WTF! anysluts, the good news is that the problem magically resolved itself overnight. i apologize to the FOWs everywhere who went to sleep last night without their proper dose of Piping Hot Content. upwards and onwards!posted by uncle grambo |
Monday, February 24, 2003
for the lack of updates today. i've been having trouble with my FTP servers and it has been a biznitch to try and fix. in fact, as of 7:41pm, it is STILL unfixed. hence the lack of posts today. thanks for hangin' in there!posted by uncle grambo |
bland mediocrity rules the roost
as a music fan whose last two purchases have been from two artists who couldn't be more diverse (Massive Attack and Johann Sebastian Bach), last night's triumph of all things MOR resulted in one of the most depressing post-award show funks that i can ever recall. while there wasn't an single incident that could qualify as an atrocity on the scale of Steely Dan trumping Eminem for Best Album in 2001, the collective effect of three and a half hours of B-list celebrities (Willem Dafoe? Kim Cattrall? Joey Pants?) giving awards to Snore-Ah Jones was like drinking a 64 ounces of decaf coffee -- a lot of work for no buzz.
the night started off promisingly enough with a reunited Simon & Garfunkle performing "The Sounds Of Silence", but it quickly became apparent that the duo's legendary ability to harmonize had faded along with their hairlines. the rendition was intimate yet eerily cool; the pair never so much as traded a glance of familiarity. as they concluded and Dustin Hoffman took the stage to announce that this year's telecast was sans host, I cringed as Hoffman stumbled over his words (calling The Boss "Bruce Springstreet", trying to raise the roof while mangling No Doubt lyrics) and announced that the hosts of this year's show were the raucous citizens of New York. normally, this would be best. i mean, c'mon ... crowds don't GET more enthusiastic than at a sold-out show at Madison Square Garden! but last night's MSG patrons acted like they had been fed too much MSG; they were lethargic and failed to provide any additional buzz to songs that had the potential for greatness ("Lose Yourself" and "The Rising" come to mind). by the end of the night, the Academy's decision to go hostless looked like a mistake that other award shows would learn from.
after the mini-"Graduate" reunion, the evening's first shot of adrenaline came courtesy of slinky sexxx kitten Gwen Stefani. baring her legendarily taut tummy and sporting some full length S&M style leather boots, Gwen and her No Doubt bandmates roared into "Hella Good", easily the best summer song of 2002. but its effervescence and attitude was lost with a really poor sound mix which buried Gwen's vocals and the song's trademark electronic whirs and pops. next up was Faith Hill, who despite having a micro mini cut so high that I thought she was going to sing Missy Elliott's "Pussy Don't Fail Me Now", came off as little more than a wicked hott trailer trash queen with her rendition of "Cry" -- easily the most overwrought ballad since Meatloaf's "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)." her only competition for Sluttiest Blonde Over 30 came from fortysomething hosebeast Kim Cattrall, whose whole "I love sex more than anything" public demeanor ran thin in about 1999.
next up was what I could only assume was an ostensible salute to the singer/songwriter genre, because that's the only thing that Vanessa Carlton, John Mayer and James Taylor have in common. Vanessa was cool and composed as she performed about 1/2 of "A Thousand Miles" before tossing it over to John Mayer, who showed up on stage looking like the world's gumpiest Aberzombie reject. note to JM: this is the GRAMMYS for Chrissakes, you should check out these new inventions called "ties" ... they sell them at ALL of the clothing stores in the mall that don't have black and white male nudes hanging in their windows. the only redeeming factor about this guy is the fact that his concerts are stacked with thousands of hott white girls under 22. mmm mmmm, so much Wooderson buzz.
there are a lot of other things from the evening that were complaint worthy. Avril Lavigne's imported moshpit of pizza faced pre-teen punkasses. the introduction of "Academy Award Nominee Queen Latifah" (i TOLD you)! giving Glenn Miller a lifetime achievement award FIFTY NINE GOD DAMN YEARS AFTER HE DIED! Robin Williams and his inability to go four seconds without affecting some sort of fucked up accent and telling jokes that have been stale for months (Trent Lott jokes are SO December 2002!). Erykah Badu ... read much? and then there was *NSYNC's tribute to The Bee Gees, especially J Timbo's laughably lame beatboxing -- was that s'posed to lend him some street cred or what? i could go on and on, but I'd rather save the rest of my venom for something that was truly disappointing instead of just worst.
while Bruce Springsteen singlehandedly tried to salvage the night (both with his stirring version of "The Rising" and his collaboration with Elvis Costello and Dave Grohl on "London Calling"), what I'll ultimately remember from the evening is how disappointed I was with Eminem's "Lose Yourself." it was only two years ago that "(Em) and Elton played career Russian Roulette" with their ridiculously sick performance of "Stan." with each passing second of their duet, it became clearer and clearer that you were witnessing television history in the making. so when buzz started leaking that Eminem was going to perform "Lose Yourself" on this year's show, expectations obviously began to skyrocket ... that is until he came on stage and I was hit with the realization that the muthafuckin' Roots were his backing band!!! worst. band. EVER! The Roots have somehow become famous just for being five (or six or whatever) black guys who ACTUALLY PLAY LIVE INSTRUMENTS! like I'm supposed to be wowed by this or something? i don't get it. oh, they've got "soul"? riiiight. i've always been astounded at the number of edumacated white boyz who "love" The Roots (including some FOWs who shall go unnamed). The Roots and Cody Chestnutt and Common and all those other hippie hip hoppers can blow me because it takes more than the ability to play the guitar to impress your Uncle Grambo (although that's sufficient for most music critics suffering from epidemic cases of white guilt). after capably backing Jay-Z on last year's MTV Unplugged Performance (an unspectacular yet solid showing), Em tapped them to provide the knockout blow for the crowd of 18,000-plus last night. once again, they managed to capably follow along to the song, but then again, Lenny Kravitz managed to capably deliver the opening guitar solo to Madonna's "Ray Of Light" on the VMAs a few years back. sure they both played the right notes, but they also both miserably failed to contribute any sort of X Factor which could've taken a live performance of a great song from the "good" category into the pantheon of all-time balls out best evs. the crowd acknowledged this buzzkill by sitting on their hands throughout the course of the song in defiant protest to The Roots' worsteverness. adding insult to injury was the fact that Natalie Maines was the only one in the entire arena who gave a Standing O afterwards. and as he sauntered offstage with Proof, you could tell that Em was disappointed with how things turned out, knowing full well that he should've put a call into The Flaming Lips instead.posted by uncle grambo |
jenna jameson - pony's new spokeshottie
it looks like Gucci isn't the only company courting controversy with their new ad campaign. according to reports in this weekend's New York Times, Pony has signed legendary Vivid Girl Jenna Jameson to a contract to hawk their wares. no word on whether or not she'll be stark raving newd in future adverts, but let's all keep our fingers crossed. the article also talks about the ad below ... buzz!posted by uncle grambo |
so i was at the neighborhood Borders on Saturday afternoon checkin' out the magazine section. you know, flippin' through Q and Empire and British versions of FHM and GQ ... i've been trying to reduce my disposable income expenditures lately and you can blow huge $$$ trying to keep up with the latest & greatest periodicals. anyhooz, i'm flippin' through the new issue of Blender and stumbled across the following ad ... can you believe it? what kind of world are we living in? pubic billboards? i can't decide if this is best or worst evs, all i know is that it is a jaw dropping advertisement. thoughts?
posted by uncle grambo |