|whatevs (dot org)
piping hot content for your sexy bod
Friday, February 21, 2003
i see you baby
grabbin' that AZZ! Justin Timbo gets a piece of Kylie's da dunka dunk dunk at last night's Brit Awards. what a pimp. where's The Rumpshaker when you need him?
posted by Uncle Grambo |
trading pepsi for coke
it's time to face facts. britney is out of control. she's partying hard like Andrew WK. first it started out with smokey treats and cosmopolitans, but the gossip columns are aflame with rumours that Britney is hitchin' a ride on the cocaine train. wait, did I just say "hitchin' a ride on the cocaine train"? this obviously proves that I am about as lame as they come. anysluts, sources are claiming that Brit Brit was spotted in the bathroom of a Miami nightclub doing lines off a toilet top, not to mention that she hit the bathroom "every 20 minutes" when she was partying with Colin Farrell in Hollywood a few weeks back. with this information, whatevs.org has officially classified Britney as O.O.C. developing...posted by Uncle Grambo |
"you never knew that rock n roll burned"
literally! while last night's Great White tragedy certainly qualifies as awful, you gotta admit that the whole thing seems like it was ripped from the pages of The Onion. our own Ape About Town known as The Gorilla sent in this commentary on the events of last night:
I come to you today with a heavy heart and the unbearable frustration of one whose life time of effort has been in vain.posted by Uncle Grambo |
snl season 28 ... REVEALED!
first things first, I have to throw mad props out to GKVibe for taking over the reins yesterday. it's not an easy job to provide piping hot content for millions of sexy bods, but The Vizz managed to pull it off with a wink and a smile. good show ole chap, especially for the coming up with whatevs.org's first "venn diagram" reset! buzz ...
unfortunately, all Guest Editorships must come to an end. fortunately for the FOWs, i've got more piping hot guest content for you. if you haven't consulted your TV Guide recently, you should know that this weekend's SNL looks like its gonna be a doozy. outside of Alec Baldwin, I don't think that there is a better guest host than Christopher Walken ... below whatevs.org's resident SNL experts, Nummer and The H-Bomb, reveal their exclusive pre-show comments. dig in while the gettin' is good!
Thursday, February 20, 2003 Watch your ears kid!!!
Another look at Mike's new tat.... courtesy of the Grizz....
Whatevs.org exclusive!! Class of 1993 Buzz Check out that lid!!
posted by vibe |
Axis of Weevils I realize in the venn diagram where you have Whatevs readers in one circle and Glamorama readers in the other circle that there is significant overlap, however, those FOWs that have not seen the Glamorama link to the Gorilla's private fashion venture Ape About Town, should definitely give it a look. Check out the Axis of Weevils thong. Best... posted by vibe |
Wednesday, February 19, 2003 what the world has been waiting for
it's about god damn time. i've lost countless hours of sleep pondering the subject, as I'm sure each and every one of you have too. sittin' alone in your four-cornered rooms, starin' at candles. but thanks to MTV.com, our minds won't be playin' tricks on us no' mo: Hobbit Sean Astin Reveals His Post-'Rings' Plans. hint - it involves his directorial debut ... yyyyyaaaawwwwn! where's Frodo Baggins when you need him?posted by Uncle Grambo |
snl season 28 ... revealed!
the dynamic duo of Nummer and The H-Bomb have put the finishing touches on another spectacular write-up of a not-so-spectacular episode of SNL. while Nummer can't shake the fact that Garner eerily resembles Hilary "Shitmouth" Swank, I spent my entire time viewing "Daredevil" thinking that Garner could give Rene Russo a run for her money as Hollywood's pre-eminent "Guy Face". and while it appears that your Uncle Grambo came off with egg on his face after Ben Affleck's no-show, that could not be farther from the truth. whatevs.org (and the AP) is reporting that Affleck and J. Lo spent the day in Boston attending the funeral of Affleck's grandmother. while whatevs.org gives its condolences, the show must go on. here is the recap of Episode 12 as promised ...
while Kegzies and The Gorilla have been bantering back and forth on Glamorama about how The White Stripes "aren't good" and how Meg is a "dodgy, fat white girl", I am in opposition to their beliefs. while The Stripes have certainly rode the wave of NME hype, I don't believe that this makes them "posh" or "garbage" ... my theory is that these two FOWs are simply sick of "White Blood Cells." to this I say, what red-blooded American isn't? but if you happen to utilize one of any number of quasi-legal file sharing sites to download "Elephant", i think that you would be pleasantly surprised with the results. I don't want to get into reviewing the album just yet because i've only given it one complete listen, but I'm hoping that the album will succeed in quieting some of the non-believers. what's not to like about Jack and Meg? despite the fact that in a recent interview with The New York Observer they admit to having no knowledge of who Dave Eggers is, they come off as down-to-earth Detroiters who just care about the music. read the article and you'll see that they've turned down millions to do a Gap commercial and compose scores for video games ... just how does that scream "sell-out"? sure, Jack took a gig working on Anthony Minghella's adaptation of "Cold Mountain", but that hardly makes him a corporate nancyboy. c'mon Kegzies and Gorilla, throw some props the way of The Stripes. and Gorilla, you should know that the only reason that The White Stripes don't play larger venues in Tha D is because they refuse to play venues booked by Clear Channel (hence their Royal Oak Music Theater and Chene Park gigs) ... i GUARANTEE that they would sell-out The State within minutes if they wanted to.
in conclusion, i think that you should both follow the immortal words of Too Short, "Don't hate the player, hate the game." peace!posted by Uncle Grambo |
pardon me, guv'nor ...
care for a spot of tea? i haven't dipped my toes in the cool, frothy waters of British tabloid journalism for quite some time. but a spin over to London's Sun this morning revealed a heaping mound of choice gossip for all you bloody wankers. so grab your glass of Orangina and your prawn-flavored crisps and get ready for some fookin' hot shite, Gallagher-stizz!
for those of you who were following SALTYT or Gawker last week, you'll know that it was Fashion Week in NYC. well the fashionistas have all sodded off to London this week for the Euro version of Fashion Week. from the looks of things, it seems that nipples will be this summer's hot fashion accessory ... and it's about damn time! for those who follow life on the pitch even closer than Nick Hornby, it's quite important to note that world-class stud David Beckham is considering quitting Man U after a recent spat with his coach that almost resulted in blindness for Beckham! controversial cockney buzz!
for those whose interests run more towards Page Six than the sports pages, you'll quickly learn that The Sun is no slouch when it comes to diggin' up the dirt on celebs. for instance, i bet you didn't hear that while in London promoting "Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind", George Clooney was recently dissed by a sexxxy waitress for none other than Tom "Sex Bomb" Jones (C Friggidy will be proud to hear this!). and while The Spice Girls haven't had buzz on this side of the pond since "Spiceworld" (highly underrated, I might add), the five original Spices had a "teary" reunion at Posh's mansion over the weekend, fueling discussion that we might see a Baby / Ginger / Posh / Scary / Sporty reunion by year's end! Mel C (aka Sporty) is apparently the only one who still needs convincing ... if you paid her in donuts, I'm sure she'd be more than willing to accept that offer!posted by Uncle Grambo |
this morning's least meaningful headlines
Max and Erma's Designer Shops Hard To Find Interesting Artifacts! (editor's note: does anyone even eat at Max & Erma's anymore?)
Mike Tyson's Stunning New Tattoo! (editor's note: this is a MUST-SEE!)posted by Uncle Grambo |
Tuesday, February 18, 2003 supermodels are lonelier than you think
legends of its existence have been passed down through the years. some are convinced it was never more than urban legend. others swear to have witnessed it and to this day pledge their allegiance to it. with the benefit of hundreds of years of hindsight, it will likely be listed alongside The Hanging Gardens of Babylon and The Great Pyramids as the Ninth Wonder Of The World. obvs I am referring to the legendary Cindy Crawford Wall at 1275 Clopton Bridge.
yes, it's true. one rainy afternoon back in the early 1990s I hijacked an entire wall in my parent's house and decorated it with Cindy Crawford pictures that I had been collecting from calendars, SI Swimsuit issues, and raids of my mom's stash of fashion mags. as I'm sure The Grizz will attest, The Wall was super tiggs. however, The Wall was never popular with my mom for reasons that should be obvs, but The Wall managed to survive well over two years until i left Rochester for the greener pastures of Ann Arbor.
with this evidence clearly presented, it's fair to say that I've always had a strong affinity towards Supermodels, especially the All-Stars of the early `90s. you know, all the girls who appeared in George Michael's legendary "Freedom `90" video. Cindy, Christy, Linda, Naomi, and Tatjana. and of course you can't forget rockin' music video supermodels like Helena and Stephanie. i've even supported the new brigade of NotQuiteAsSuper-Supermodels like Josie Maran, Megan Ewing, Laetetia Casta and Kim Smith. and while I admittedly haven't been as much of an afficianado as, say Kegzies of Glamorama fame (read his fine editorial on the subject entitled "Endangered Species"), I have recently been lured back into the realm of Supermodel Gossip thanks to my favorite new weblog, Supermodels Are Lonelier Than You Think!
SALTYT is chock full of trendy, Supermodel related gossip that even Hetero Men can enjoy. there are always some hot shots of half-nekkid supermodels cavorting up and down the runway (or lounging in bed, as the shot of Gisele below shows). and even if half-naked supermodels don't float your boat, then there is some super hott fashion gossip that you won't find in the tabloids or on Page Six, like Eva Hergoziva's widely panned comeback after being strung out on H for the last few years and interesting editorial comments about who SHOULD have landed the cover of the SI Swimsuit Issue. in short, it's got something for everyone. this site is a recent discovery I made thanks to Gawker (still the only website better than whatevs.org), so I thought I would pass it along to the FOWs post haste. let me know what you think. obvs.
posted by Uncle Grambo |
i got more links than Bob Evans
color me impressed by the new series of stories on MTV.com called "Road To The Grammys." the first installment focuses on The Making Of Vanessa Carlton's 'A Thousand Miles' (which coincidentally was the #8 Single on the Grahammys 2k3: Music Edition)
attention aspiring Anne-Marie Chadwickes ... do not attempt to recreate the (now infamous) underwater training scene from "Blue Crush"! A Florida teen recently drowned in a copycat stunt.
do you ever wonder what it would be like to spend 15 minutes talking to a celebrity on the phone? ever fantasized about attending a junket? The Morning News' Sarah Hepola does it for a living and reveals that it ain't all it's cracked up to be.
props out to Nummer for revealing that a Tenacious D movie is currently in development. but what I really want to know is why hasn't their short-lived HBO show been released on DVD? if the consistently overrated "Mr. Show" has earned a release, what about the almighty D? somebody call Davis!
do you ever get the hankerin' for a mixed drink but your too lazy to either A) leave your damn apartment or B) get off the couch to make one yourself? if so, you need a Bar Monkey! sorry Dubz, those Monkey Butlers aren't available quite yet. and while we're on the subject of monkeys, please remember to boycott any product made by the Cheese Eatin' Surrender Monkeys!
"you gerried the rendezvizz". Matt Damon and Casey Affleck talk about their experiences filming Gerry, the latest film from Gus Van Sant.
apparently 40 million people tuned in to watch "Joey Mills" last nizz. ever wondered what Evan's thoughts on the likely war with Iraq are? "I think we ought to turn Iraq into Arab Disney. We got Japanese Disney, we got Euro Disney. ... What's wrong with Arab Disney? It'd be a great place for Aladdin." oy.
this one's for the technology geeks and actually (sorta) affects whatevs.org. Google purchased Pyra over the weekend. Pyra is the company behind Blogger, the technology I use to update this site. buzz. Google buzz!
this one's for the Ad Geeks like The Gorilla, JP McKrengels, and Seantizz. Steve Heyer's Manifesto For A New Age Of Marketing. not as good as The Unabomber's Manifesto, but as far as manifesto's go, this is pretty damn good.
does anyone under the age of 30 own the Norah Jones record? don't think so. The New York Times investigates the success of the record. obvs it's because Verve (not Richard Ashcroft's old band, but the music label) did a fantastic job of marketing to the AAA (Adult Album Alternative) marketplace.
get your obits ready, cuz Salon.com is on its deathbed. word is they won't last until the end of the month.
gamers won't buy the console system unless developers create good games. developers won't create good games unless gamers buy the console system. this is the conundrum that Microsoft's X-Box finds itself in.
that's it. i just cleared the list of the stories i've been wanting to talk about for the last few days ... good luck on this epic journey of discovery, young pups.posted by Uncle Grambo |
choice quotes from Flak's "Joey Mills" recap
all these quotes and more are available in Flak Magazine's recap by Lindsay Robertson.posted by Uncle Grambo |
"joey mills" - the pseudo finale part deux
fox has done it again. two weeks in a row they have managed to rewrite the entire Rule Book on how to conclude a competitive reality show, and by doing so will manage to score boffo sweeps ratings every Monday in February. television viewers have become accustomed to having their finales immediately followed by a "what are they up to now?" segment, which sometime air live (in the case of "The Real World" and "Survivor") and sometime occur on tape (like with "Celebrity Mole" last week). unlike scripted television shows where audiences spend their summer dealing with cliffhangers, these reality competitions have always been about instant gratification (someone wins/loses every week). "joey mills", on the other hand, is like the Kama Sutra of reality television -- let's delay the climax as long as humanly possible and just keep knockin' boots `til tha break of dawn (which in this case is the end of Sweeps).
the episode started last night with a pre-segment (again with the rule breaking!) called "secrets of Joe Millionaire", a hilarious catch-up segment with each of the ten finalists from the show. the editors who worked on this segment should be applauded, because they managed to capture personality quirks of the girls with clever editing techniques (MoJo is always moving her eyebrows, Melissa M.'s catchphrase is "ohmigod!"). we got a glimpse at what life was like for each of the honeyz once they returned to the real world, including smack-talking morning DJs, devastatingly unsexy rides on mechanical bulls, and extreme overuse of glitter eyeshadow. okay, that was just MoJo's life. but still, we learned that the Mayor of Zora's comically small town is excited to throw a "Zora Day", that Cindy Schubert likes to traipse along the Promenade in Santa Monica wearing a shawl over a tube-top, that Evan's parents realized early on that their son was a dolt and sent him off to military school, and finally got confirmation that Heidi is one of the biggest beeyatches ever to walk the face of the earth (unsurprisingly, her boyfriend is a spineless tool with a 1994 goatee). hour #2 brought us back to the drama, and again i have to compliment the show's story editors here. the episode was structured to squeeze out every last drop of tension that each situation provided for, including the bold move of showing Evan "choose" Zora before he disses Kozer The Kozerian. you might think that this gives off anti-climactic buzz, but in fact it was just the opposite. Zora looked remarkably disappointed that she had been lied to for over a month, and viewers were left for over 30 minutes wondering if she would end up "choosing" Evan. in the end, she scolded Evan for being deceitful but decided to "continue their journey" together. the big twist wasn't that big of a twist at all; as I predicted last week, they ended up giving the couple a million bucks. wahey!
but as we've grown accustomed to with Fox, there's always a rub. in this instance, we are left wondering for another week whether or not the happy couple has survived. all the money in Vegas says "hell no"! i bet they split that million 50/50 (evan even said to Zora "you're $500,000 richer ... and you got to meet me!", as opposed to saying "we're $1,000,000 richer!") and call it a day. but we'll have to wait until next week to officially find out, even though if you spend 15 seconds a week reading the tabloids you'd realize that Evan is using up every ounce of the fame that FOX has brought him by bangin' girls to the left and to the rizz (he even got Laura Bush's phone number last week at a Fashion Week after-party). and even though i'm pretty sure he has no idea how to read, he's likely heard the buzz that an article from Sunday's New York Times compares him to Colin Farrell. i've heard that C. Farrell comparisons usually mean that your luck with the ladies is well above average. evan mills ... who'd a thunk it?
btw, Drudge is the first out of the gates this morning to report that last night's "evan millionaire" was the biggest ratings success of the year for FOX, trailing only the Super Bowl for total viewership. take that Ray Romano!posted by Uncle Grambo |
Monday, February 17, 2003 epic
don't worry, Cameron Crowe isn't shooting Tom Cruise on cross-country skis for "Vanilla Sky 2." this is just a shot of Times Square this afternoon, where snow has virtually shut down the entire city. best.
trista, queen o' sluts
(WARNING! if you watch "The Bachelorette", you'll want to skip this spoiler-laden post)
while Joey Mills may very well have gotten a Billy Joel from Sarah Kozer a few episodes ago, who could've predicted that FOX would be outscandaled by ABC (at least for now)? according to reports on Page Six.com, "Bachelorette" Trista Rehn is stone cold preggers with Charlie's baby. trista apparently loves it bareback style, obvs sans the rhythm meth. hott.
in other Reality News, tonight is the Night Of Nights. the grand finale of "Evan Mills" ... has there been a more anticipated finale since the Bush vs. Gore Election Night of 2000? hardly. tune in to your local Fox affiliate at 8pm tonight to see what Sarah W. and her Band Of Rogue Evil Geniuses have in store for us.posted by Uncle Grambo |
break open your piggy banks! this year's Coachella Festival will take place on April 26 and 27 in the sleepy desert community of Indio, CA. roughly a 2-hour drive from Los Angeles (and about 45 minutes from Palm Springs), the Los Angeles Times is reporting that this year's lineup will probably be the best of this year's festival circuit (esp. if Glasto doesn't happen). get your drool cups ready and check out the acts that have already signed on the line that is dotted:
Beastie Boys, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Underworld, White Stripes, Badly Drawn Boy, Richie Hawtin, Primal Scream, N*E*R*D, Thievery Corporation, Groove Armada (live), Ladytron, Fischerspooner, Felix da Housecat, Dirty Vegas, Johnny Marr, Ben Folds, Ben Kweller, Ben Harper, Von Bondies, Idlewild, G Love & Special Sauce, Cafe Tacuba, Kinky, The Soundtrack of Our Lives, The Donnas, Masters at Work ( Little Louie Vega and Kenny "dope" Gonzalez), Darren Emerson, Stereo Totale, The Libertines (thanks to all of their Glamorama buzz?), Talib Kweli, Deep Dish, Polyphonic Spree, Jack Johnson, Blue Man Group, Tortoise, Amon Tobin, Timo Maas, South, Peanut Butter Wolf, Wildchild, Mooney Suzuki, Whirlwind Heat, 22-20s, Eisley, Db, Jaylib(Jaydee & Madlib), Division of Laura Lee, El P, Aesop Rock, Mr Lif, RJD2, Christopher Lawrence, Nightmares on Wax, Rooney, Black Eyed Peas, Hot Hot Heat, The Music, Particle, Joseph Arthur, Mouse on Mars, D:Fuse, Dj Irene, Hernan cattaneo, The Kinison
Tickets go on sale this Saturday, February 22nd on Ticketmaster.com. Ticket prices have not been announced, but I would expect to pay around $150 for a 2-day pass. so much buzz (esp. some major Detroit hittins via The White Stripes, Richie Hawtin and The Von Bondies)! thanks to the Anonymous Source who gave me this inside scoop. also, keep your eyes out for some additional bands on the roster -- hot rumours include Kraftwerk, Foo Fighters, Coldplizz and Radiohizz. for more info, hit up the official Coachella website ... obvs.posted by Uncle Grambo |
been v. busy this morning at work, please accept my humble apology for neglecting the underfed FOWs of the world. fortunately for all of us, The Giors was able to gain access to a sneak preview of "Old School" over the weekend and sent in a spoiler-free recap. enjoy, i hope to be able to sneak a post or two in this afternoon...
posted by Uncle Grambo |