for the love of TiVo

it is with great pride that i present to you this VERY special exclusive contribution to whatevs.org. as only a true fan could, The Grizz stayed up until the wee hours of the morning composing this response / recap of last night's "Late Show" appearance by Courtney Hole. without further adieu...

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"The Late Show With David Letterman" (wsg Courtney Love)
March 17, 2004
by The Grizz

in a rambling, crazed and borderline frightening sit-down with david letterman last night, the one and only courtney love proved why she may be the most exciting celebrity in the world. she's the rock star version of kathy griffin, as she seems to exist solely to drop names and give the little people an inside peek at the inner workings of celebrity culture. dressed in a loose fitting light brown top, purple miniskirt, green tights and black boots, a severely drug-addled looking love came out and lifted her shirt twice before even sitting down with dave. what followed were two bizarre segments that found love talking smack about everyone from baz luhrmann to luc besson and left letterman looking stunned.

soon after sitting down, love stood up and started singing "Oh Danny Boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling," before standing up on Letterman's desk and performing a psuedo-Drew Barrymore strip tease for him. "Oh Drew, you had it," Love said as she climbed atop Dave's desk and proceeded to flash him. It should be noted that Letterman didn't look nearly as excited to see Love's tatts as he did Drew's. soon after, after screaming "DID I BREAST FEED? DID I BREAST FEED?" Love wondered aloud, "am i being weird like Jennifer Tilly?"

soon courtney was smoking a cigarette, which materialized out of nowhere, and talking about losing the female lead in "moulin rouge" to nicole kidman, and how baz luhrmann went on E! and said "it was between courtney and nicole, and it was between fire and ice." so love says she was on an elevator with "kidman" ("there's no secret that me and kidman don't like each other," Love claimed), and kidman said to her "so you're fire, and i'm ice," to which love says she replied, "that means you're a puddle!" she then said "SLAM!" which leads me to believe she saw the Megan Mullaly Saturday Night Live with the slam/burns sketch, for she later said "burn" after she dared letterman to ask her one more question. dave asked, "how much do you weigh?" love later wondered aloud if she had dreamed up the whole nicole kidman thing.

letterman asked love if she had a clip to show, and love said she had a clip from the "insanely genius director chris milk," where "all these little girls come out from under my skirt and shoot (letterman)." no such clip was ever shown.

of course nothing love does comes without reference to cameron crowe, and love at one point proclaimed, apropos of nothing, "my best friend is cameron crowe."

at the end of the show, love performed "hold on to me" with her new band, which looks as if its made up of carmen electra and nancy o'dell on guitar, pink on drums, joan jett on bass and one of the girls from blink 182's "miss you" video on violin. she was on the floor by the second chorus.

a handful of other highlights from love's "late show" appearance:

• Dave: "what's the nature of your life right now?" Love: "showing my boobs."
  

• Love, out of nowhere: "i used to be a porno star."
  

• Love: "the rules of name-dropping are this. i have to call (meryl streep) 'meryl streep' because a) i don't have her home phone number, b) i just have to call her meryl streep because i just don't know her. but i call carrie (fisher) 'carrie.'"
  

• Dave, seemingly at wits end with Love's shenanigans: "i'm so happy i have a son."

more like "Pawn Shoppe Flop"!

pop quiz, asshole! what do the bands Cross Canadian Ragweed, Suga Free and Brides Of Destruction have in common? well, let's see.

1. Your Uncle Grambo has never heard of 'em.

2. None of the above received a signing bonus of $1.5MM (allegedly) and a substantial marketing push from Sire Records

3. All debuted AT LEAST 100 SPOTS (!!!) above The Von Bondies in this week's Billboard charts.

somebody fetch Seymour Stein a tall glass of bourbon, I'm not sure that he'll be able to cope with first week debut at #197 in the Billboard charts (after Soundscanning roughly 6,400 units) without a nip or two of the hard stuff. ouch. so much for all the free publicity (in the wake of the Magic Stick incident) that was allegedly boosting the band's profile.

after a flop like this, a few questions are raised that demand to be answered.

• what does this have to say about the power of music mags like Spin (VBs were prominently featured and phenomenally reviewed in last month's issue)? Especially when compared to the power of getting your video on MTV (I've never seen "C'mon C'mon" anytime other than during MTV2's "Subterranean" program)?

• will The VBs become the biggest waste of record company capital since Fischerspooner inked a $2MM deal with Ministry Of Sound?

• does this signal the end for garage rock?

• since this record has been out on import and on iTunes since early February, were first week record sales cannibalized?

• and if the public doesn't get off on the outrageously catchy "C'mon C'mon", do The Von Bondies even stand a chance?

sounds like a case for the FOW Nation to debate, particularily mes savvy favs with industry knowledge like The Gorilla, Coolfer, Information Leafblower, MacK10, Rob T., Ultra and The Motorcityrocks Crew. i'm also looking in YOUR direction, Laura Slash Temp ... IOUSLY!

veni vidi voicemail

a taste of what's in store for your Uncle Grambo during the impending 4-day bender I'm about to commence on, Chicago Steez. this voicemail was left at 11:41pm EST last night and lasted nine seconds.

"Graham, it's Glinka. You and all your ... (unintelligible but sounds a lot like "WHASSUP!") ... you and all your little friends CAN GO TO HELL! we just had massive debates and ... and ... you liberals suck!"

speaking of which, while there will quite likely be another post or two today, the chances of you being on the receiving end of any PHC tomorrow are quite slim. i'll be making the five hour trek down I-94 to the Windy City for a rendezvizz with Coach Glinka, The Clizzark and Malbersblows; if you're in the neighborhood and interested in getting all crazy liquored up and watching college basketball, this veritable posse of Highlander alums will be drinking copious amounts of Coors Light at The Fieldhouse, yo (motto: "Where Beer Is Food!") if you're not sold, read the reviews! buzz. obvs.

oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention this NSFW picture of a recent Jennifer Garner nip slip ... Bristow revealed! Score another one for Uncle Grambo against the corporate behemoth of Fleshbot!

is your crotch hungry, girl?

cuz it's eating your pants! Kelly Ripa cameltoe! ["mostly"¹ SFW and via Nick Catchdubs via Pickin Boogers]

wouldn't it be rad if Transformers were real? [via UltraOlsen]

uh, lie much? [via Jen Daily Refill]

Uncle Grambo is blowing up in Spartyville! with that being said, GO BLUE!!! [via NedStats]

if you're in the mood for a great laugh, spin over to "Behind The Box Office: The Jesus/Stallone Connection, Aragorn's Misogyny, and the Frankie Muniz Pubewatch." example of the hottness: "TWISTED, $3.1 million — Never heard of it, but a cursory Google search reveals that this is a 'Tune In Tokyo' fetish movie." [Bunsen]

let's roll ... literally! so much E up in this piece, guess my spinal cord isn't going to erode after all! BUZZ! [via Whirred Peas]

file this one under "who knew" ... Jann Wenner is (allegedly) gay! at least according to The NYT, that is! on the other extreme (we're talkin' as obvs as apple pizz), Michael Musto outs Anderson Cooper and not-so-subtly hisses in the general direction of Choire. [via Gawker and Anonymous Outsider, respectively]

just for the record, "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind" is almost perfect. go see it so we can talk about it! Gondry ... some say genius. so best. so much buzz. so speechless by how best it was. Winslet. Ruffalo. Carrey. Dunst. Wilkinson. Cross. Adams. mmmmBEST! [via Uncle Grambo]

courtney = ca-razy!

fire up your TiVos, this could be epic! Courtney Hole to perform AND sit down for an interview on "The Late Show" tonight. break out the Jameson's, yo. some say best moment on television since "24 Hours Of Love BEST!" and it hasn't even happened yet! hobvs.

it's about god damn time that someone came up with this idea! leave it to Dmitri Jr to offer tribute to a true inspiration by pitching the idea of Professor Ralph Williams action figures! for those that didn't have the distinct pleasure of having a class taught by the distinguished University Of Michigan professor, it's unfortch your loss ... i mean, who else lists the weather forecast for Florence, Italy as one of his "passions"? with all due respect to the coursework of Sally Robinson (now at Texas A&M), The English Bible: Its Literary Aspects and Influences was the single best class I took in college (let's just hope he doesn't tarnish the memory by starting a blog). mad buzz and madder props to R. Dubz, yo. [via The Gorilla and Randel]

your Uncle smells a recurring theme here, but since I gank stories from them all the teez, tis a-okay with me. read it on whatevs.org on Monday, read it in the New York Daily News on Wednesday. so much P.H.C. up in this piece!

it's been a long time since I've supported anything that Dave Matthews has done. true, his performance on "America: A Tribute To Heroes" was kinda epic, but that's probably just because I was high and watching it on a limo bus with Peabs. schmobvs. but Dave has made his way back into my good graces by dissing Fred Durst! i might just have to bust out some "Tripping Billies" when I get home tonizz ... then again, maybe not. bovs.

Celebrate St. Patty's with Yankee Pot Roast and Peabs! the latter has advice for all of the corporate drones out there: "Now go get boozed up on your lunch break, find a drunk Irish whore, and eff her like a porn star in a pool filled with Lucky CharmsŪ and anal lube. Quobvs on your fucking tats boombalats, cockface!"

don't get me wrong, I loves me some S/FJ. howevs, his piece in this week's Voice called "Gandalf Gets Swivey on the Wheels" has left me utterly confused. i'm not sure I understood WHUT the fuck was going on in that essay. huh? IOUSLY!

pour a tall glass of Buzz Cola™ for Alan Light. even though Tracks is pretty stale, he mos def had some kickass years over at Spin and remains one of the all-time best evs dudes in the world of rock journalism.he's got a diary running over on Slate this week, check it.

the people who write headlines over @ The DetNews are en fuego today! Granholm in 'scooter mishap'! and when I think of scooter mishaps, I always think of Beth S. and when she fell off that scooter ("evil devil force"!) back on RW: Los Angeles! some say worse than when Coral faked the spider bite!

who knew? The Fountains Of Wayne are victims of Viacom censorship! all because a 10-year old girl says the word "wine" in their new video for "Mexican Wine." i tell ya, had this JanetGate happened one year ago, the video for "Stacy's Mom" would've been relegated to post-midnight airings on MTV2 only. bovs. the FCC can bejeerz me.

two hott new blogs for your perusing: SurviveZombies.Blogspot.com (tagline: "TRAPPED BY UNDEAD, NEED HELP. This is not a joke. We are alone and constantly battling for our lives") and Bloggy McDish's BlogDish, a piping hott gossip site devoted exclusively to Blogger Gossip! for instance, where else can you learn that "the way to a blogger's blogroll is through his or her snog-hole!" or that Uncle Grambo himself has CK-One piped directly into his condo? BOVS!

too much green beer could put you behind bars

some say best headline evs! those pranksters over at The DetNews ... will they ever stop?

"C'mon, Moe. It's been St. Patrick's day for hours now and I'm not drunk yet!" ah yes, the wise words of Homer J. Simpson have been echoing through the head of this particular responsible and reliable corporate drone all morning long. thankfully, I've got the memories of "Homer vs. The 18th Amendment" to keep me going today. Obvs you recall this as the episode where Bart gets drunk at St. Patrick's Day Parade, resulting in a return to prohibition for the citizens of Springfield and forcing Homer to moonlight as The Beer Baron. mmmmBEST! Rex Banner ... RIP, yo!

welcome to dumpsville, baby ... population, YOU! today's (un)lucky dumpees include Michael Vartan (given The Heisman by Jennifer Garner) and Mandy Moore (recently got her deuce aced by Andy Roddick)!

we haven't seen much of George Clooney since he directed "Confessions Of A Dangerous Mizz" ... I know he's been off with SoderBest making "Ocean's 12", but the rumour mill is working overtime on Clooney's upcoming projects. Dark Horizons has him circling the remake of "Pet Sematary" and Yahoo has him considering the title role in "Magnum P.I." ... of the two, I vote for some of that Zelda hottness, "Pet Sematary" steez.

compare, contrast. compare, contrast.

rock and roll never forgets

your Uncle Grambo would just like to reiterate how thrilling it is to see Bob Seger in the Rock And Roll HOF, yo. Drew & Mizz were spreading rumours this morning that he had been practicing pretty frequently (and on the sly) at Clutch Cargo's of late ... how hott would THOSE sound chexxx have been? total best evs buzz, obvs.

big ups, Hef ... at least you tried! Charlotte Church declines multimillion dollar offer to pose nude.

Dearest Laura Slash Temp: you're TOTALLY right for calling me out for being a VB Bandwagoneer. Howevs, said conversation is only FUZZILY RECALLED in my mind; I was probably too bizz watching The Olsen Twins in "When In Rome" to formulate an informed opinion on the subject. My bad, yo.

attention all indie rock geeks, prepare for a furious session of mental masturbation! recent quotes from Albert Hammy Junior seems to suggest that a collaboration between The Pixies and The Strokes may be in the works!

if you're as geeked as Uncle Grambo about this weekend's release of "Dawn Of The Dead", I highly suggest a run to Besties to pick up the SUPERB original that's being released by Anchor Bay today. Scott Writes contributes an excellent review of the DVD over at DVD Angle. buzz.

YPR's Frank Lesser breaks some important new ground in determining where the seeds of betrayal and deceipt were first planted in the mind of Jayson Blair. he exposes startling revelations from incidents at the KinderCareCenter in 1984 to Mrs. Penny's First Grade Classroom in 1986. this is Pulitzer-type work, people. huzzah!

Will Ferrell ... best cast member in the history of "SNL"? Tina Fey seems to think so.

Get your own customized SpongeBob SquarePants Jersey.

wake me up when this competition is OVAAAAHHHH! SKYLAAAAAH!! Fantasia is a 7-4 favourite to win this year's "American Idol" competition. durst.

speaking of which, check out SoDurst.blogspot.com. it name-drops whatevs.org but I can't figure out who's writing this site. if you're reading this, drop me a lizz. shmears.

Shit like this makes me sick to my stomach, as does just about every one of G-Dubz' ads that are running right now. Funny, I've seen tons of political spots during the local news and even some during "Jeopardy", but none (from either party, yo) on MTV or any of the other cable stations. I know that the television advertising portion of this campaign has begun earlier than any other in history, but I wonder when (if?) the two candidates are going to branch out and start marketing to different demographics. where's Stu when you need him?

finally, I think I speak for the world when I ask "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, ANDY RODDICK?" for reals, who goes around giving over-the-shoulder-tune-in-tokyo-blasts these days? especially when your GF is Mandy Mizz? don't get me wrong, I'm a big supporter of quality fun time devoted to playing fetch with the Sweater Puppies, but you look like some sorta cro-mag date rapist douchestain! NO BUZZ!

the hypocritical hottness continues

while the Republicans and their shills just won't leave the John Kerry Botox rumours alone, Uncle Grambo suggests that they spend more time policing their own. take, for instance, Defense Secretary Donnie "Darko" Rumsfeld ... hey Donnie, your roots are showing! douchebag. [via New Yorkish]

speaking of douchebags, apparently that's Kelly Osbourne's favourite curse word! or so I learned watching this advert for Britain's Channel 4, in which tons of your favourite celebrities (cast members of "The O.C.", "Scrubs", and "The West Wing") drop eff and ess bombs all over the plizz. turn your speakers down and you're totally SFW. [via Ad Rants]

my favourite comment from last night's Rock And Roll HOF Induction Ceremonies comes courtesy of Bruce Springsteen. you see, The Boss was waxing on about how jealous he was that Jackson Browne's shows drew more female fans than the gigs that the E-Street band played. quoth The Boss, "Jackson was drawing more women than an Indigo Girls show" ... he's the best, i tell ya, THE BEST! who knew he had that kind of humour reserve to tap into? so much best buzz evs.

congratulations to The New York Post's Dan Aquilante! You just wrote the worst record review ever! you're lucky that Jackson Browne doesn't beat the shit out of you like he did to Daryl Hizz. shmears.

how wurst would've "Oliver Stone's Platoon" been if Viggo would've been cast in the Willem Dafoe role? howevs, it would've been TOTALLY best if Dafoe was cast as Gollum. shmears.

vermouth and beer were gettin' me mangled up

look to the right and you'll notice that I picked up the new Nellie McKay jawn this weekend. after reading the praise bestowed by Scott Stereogum and Largehearted Boy and then seeing her performance on Letterman, I decided to pick up her CD on a trip to Tower on Saturday morning. the buzz was right on the munns, this CD is the Official Hottness©. stylistically, the CD is all over the map from torch songs to Tin Pan Alley ballads to jazzy hip-pop type numbers. if you're down for a treat of old-school musicianship with new-school lyrical content, Miss Nellie McKay is the songbird for you! BUZZ! [EDITOR'S UPDATE: I was listening to this record again during lunch and then I realized something I forgot to write about earlier ... easily one of the best things about Nellie is you can audibly notice that she had FUN while making this record. While your Brit Brit's and your Duff's sound completely soulless and like they've been run through the vocoder eighteen times, you can just picture Nellie with a giant grin on her mizz as she's singing stuff like "The Dog Song". Imagine that, ACTUAL emotion from a teen pop superstar! Unheard of!]

if you're interested in learning more about budding auteur Michel Gondry, my suggestion is to skip this bland and blase article from The NYT; instead, I suggest you pick up the sorta recently released "The Work Of Director Michel Gondry" DVD and watch the fascinating documentary on Gondry entitled "I've Been 12 Forever." shmears. "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind" opens this weekend, SO BEST!

Bet you can't get from Chauncey Billups to John Kerry in six easy steps! tomorrow ... Tayshaun Prince to Mischa Barfin! [via Sir Buddis Lembeck]

skip if you must, this is the requisite blog geek paragraph of the day. actually, I lied ... it's TWO paragraphs. apologies in advance. a new trend in Bloggerville™ is to decry the fact that bloggers (get this) ACTUALLY LINK TO EACH OTHER! gasp, can you imagine the horror?!? while some say the origins of this backlash began with Jennifer Howard's WaPo "article", the movement has now spilled into various sects of the blogger community and threatens to add yet another unnecessary rift in The Blogosphere™. well, in case you were wondering my position on the matter, I remain firmly in the camp who supports unrestricted linking to another blogs, yo. i can understand how some might have beef with gratuitously and consistent linking to blogs when it's more backscratch than value-add but, quite honestly, some of the best stuff I read each day is the product of a blogger's creativity. for instance, Productshopnyc's rebuttal to Neil Strauss' NYT piece last week, Rob Theakston's tribute to Bob Seger (which blows McCollum out of the water, btw), The Real Janelle's "Weekly Wrap-Up" and Retrobuzz's coining of a new STD (The White Stripes)!

what's troubling about this is that for an individual blog to get noticed and actually be read, the help and support of others is required (for instance, you most likely wouldn't be reading whatevs.org today without the help of sites like The Modern Age and Gawker); let's face it, linking to others and being linked to are inherently symbiotic actions. the argument itself is full of contradictions, mainly because the very bloggers who are "against" linking to other sites are only blogging in the first place because they WANT their voices to be heard! otherwise, wouldn't they be writing things down in their journal at home instead of learning code and utilizing computer software that allows them to publish their thoughts for the entire world to read? while being hypocritical is indeed hott these days, I guess I'm not understanding the fundamental argument involved here. my overall question to these folks is this: what's the damage in pointing out and saluting when other bloggers do good work? or is it that you feel that these sort of links have devolved into backscratching? either way, me no get it.

okay, my apologies for getting off on that tangent. to balance the scales, I'll take you from "getting off" to the complete opposite. Brett Ratner caught on camera making out with Serena Williams ... on the tennis court, no less! c'mon Serena, what the eff are you doing with B. Ratt? G-R-O-S-S! [via The Glitter Lounge]

with Russell Crowe's "Cinderella Man" being pushed out to 2005, Dave Poland takes a look at some of the EARLY faves for next year's Best Picture race. personally, I'm more excited for the trio of films by directors Wes Anderson, David O. Russell and Alexander Payne. best.

Avril Lavigne and Hilary Duff are the latest teen superstars to verbally bitch slap each other around. their latest incident involves Avril calling Duff "a mommy's girl" ... rumour has it that Duff responded by saying "Your mother wears army boots" in an interview with "Entertainment Tonight's" Coju. Avril THEN retailiated with a "Na nah nah boo BOO!" blast, to which Duff replied with "I know you are, but what am I?" let's just hope that this catfight resolves itself before we have another Biggie / 2Pac type sitch, yo. bovs.

pass me another glass of the 18, tony!

"No no NO, I said 'neat', damn it!!!"
— Meghan O'Rourke

in a world exclusive NEWS FLASH, Slate's David Edelstein discovers scotch and invites some of his journalist friends to get drunk with him! i'm sure that the debate in network newsrooms must have been fierce when determining whether to devote resources to covering Al Qaeda's involvement in the bombings in Spain or whether or not A.O. "Tony" Scott of the NYT can hold his liquor ... yes indeed, getting drunk on the Sabbath is a time-honored tradition; I'm glad to see that stalwarts of the journalism community (including our brethren at NPR) have FINALLY taken the time to break such an important story down. huzzah!

hell, the last time he did something like this he ended up with the cover story in SPIN! i'm sure this was THE driving factor (along with tonight's Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame induction ceremonies) that led The Freep's Brian McCollum to publish the comprehensive yet strangely uncompelling "Definitive Oral History of Bob Seger's Rise To Fame" in Sunday's paper. it took your Uncle Grambo a good twenty minutes to make my way through the mammoth, 8,000 word piece that covers Seger's early days playing bars in Ann Arbor, how he caught the attention of The Detroit Wheels and how his landmark "Live Bullet" album shot his career into the stratosphere. while I recommend this piece to only the most die-hard of rock and roll fans, it was HOTT to learn that Seger played an outdoor set at Oakland Mall (right across the street from where I work!) back in 1968 that drew 25,000 PEOPLE ... now THAT'S buzz.

you want buzz? try this on for size ... Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson will be hosting "Saturday Night Live's" season finale on May 15th! revealed by Nummer, obvs.

even though they were handed a disappointing seven seed after getting punk'd by Wisconsin on Saturday, I really like the way that the March Madness draw sets up for H To Tha Izzo and the rest of the Sparty Nation. They definitely have the ability to put a whuppin' on Gonzaga to make it into the Sweet Sixteen. and if they make it past Georgia Tech, you HAVE to like their chances to take it to either Kentucky or Kansas (whoever emerges).