whatevs (dot org)
piping hot content for your sexy bod
oh what rippling muscles!
Thursday, January 15, 2004  

it's spreading!

Summer Hearts Whatevs.orgno, i'm not talking about genital warts, yo. i'm talking about the vernacks ... check it, heard on tonight's episode of "The O.C." on Fox...

Luke: So you're into Cohen, huh? Must be weird to see him with somebody else. It was for me anyway, with Marisa.
Summer: Whatevs, I'm over it. Moving on!

uh, I'll take that order of buzz with a side of obvs. and please pass the shmears. PEABS!

posts aren't likely to occur today, i'm making a last-minute venture into New York City for a weekend that I'm dubbing "Debaucherous Hijinxxx 2K4" ... the one and only Connie NYC has gratiously offered to put me up for what's shaping up to be an effing cold weekend. but don't fret, dear chums ... when your Uncle Grambo gets into town, he's definitely bringin' the heat! obvs.

until then, you may pleasure yourselves with Pinder's most excellent attempt at compiling the (as yet) unofficial whatevs.org Quick Reference Dictionary. lotsa buzz within, guaranteed. or, if you just prefer ole fashioned ogling, check out new snaps of Paris Hilton's ass cheeks or new stills from Brit Brit's "Toxic" vidds. SHMEARS!

posted by uncle grambo |
Wednesday, January 14, 2004  

the desert sessions

CONFIRMED! Radiohead, The Pixies and Kraftwerk are confirmed to headline Day 1 of this year's Coachella Festival. eff yeah, i am so totally there. [via ProductShopNYC]

Jack White pleads innocent to beating the living shite out of Jason VonBondie. he'll be on trial in Detroit's 36th District Court on March 9th. howevs, the real question is whether or not Motor City Rocks will take time off from their "real" jobs to cover the court preceedings ... come on Big Matt and Ryan, that story is YOURS to own.

whirlwind durstspeaking of The White Strizzies, check out the cover for the new Whirlwind Heat single featuring Miss Meg Whizz. too bad Whirlwind Durst are, like, the WURST band evs! pic courtesy of MCR, natch.

only days away from leaving for the City Of Angels, M. Hudson Hawk has turned in another outstanding entry in his ongoing series of columns entitled Car Culture. this week, Hawk chooses to focus his laser-like intensity on the hoopla and hubbub surrounding The 2004 North American International Auto Show, currently being held in the heart of the Motor City. buzz.

this week's LA Times offers a fairly grisly look at the last few moments of Elliott Smith's life.

Victoria Newton of The Sun raves about the new George Michael jawn.

no buzz whatsoevs for my little Eskimo princess, better known as Meredith. i don't know what's going on around YOUR watercooler, but no one in this neck of the woods seems to be excited for tonight's premiere of "The Bachelorette" ... memo to ABC execs: you should have postponed this another month. everyone is still smarting from the overwhelming lack of buzz surrounding Bob The Bachelor and the media overkill surrounding the Trista wedding. while your Uncle Grambo supports the choice of Meredith, buzz is always better built (and sustained) through anticipatory WOM efforts. btw, WOM = word of mouth. obvs.

Rush & Molloy are on fire today, takin' gossiphounds out with a flurry of buckshot! today's column in the NY Daily News reveals the following: Nicole Richie's real name is Nicole Escovedo, Mary Louise Parker banned Billy Crudup from her hospital room, and Jason "Don't Call Me Costanza" Alexander received a Porsche from Brit Brit for not contesting their recent annullment.

reminder! nearly naked Brit Brit on Stereogum!

caution: contents may be flammable. and by contents, i really mean YOUR PANTS!

posted by uncle grambo |
 

bynes bynes bynes!

what i like about BYNES!Bynes. so fucking best. while it's only Wednesday, this week has already been positively HUGE for your Uncle Grambo's favourite starlet. on Monday afternoon, Bynes contributed a segment to TRL which showcased some behind-the-scenes hottness of her fine TV show, "What I Like About You." then last night, whilst I was nervously fretting about my apartment, Bynes was calm, cool and collected while attending The WB Networks 2004 All-Star Winter Party. and on Thursday night, BYNES WILL BE THE FEATURE GUEST ON THE JIMMY KIMMEL SHOW! originally Enrique Igleasi-ASS was also scheduled to appear, but Amanda Bynes Now is reporting that he's backed out ... which only leaves more time for Bynes! this is shaping up to be the Best Week Evs ... could life possibly get any sweeter?

the answer is yes. despite Low Culture's lack of enthusiasm for the project, i'm totally geeked to hit the multiplex this weekend for some Joseph Kahn hottness. yep, "Torque" is a virtual lock for some buckwild MTV style big-screen hijinks. but if you prefer your wrath of Kahn on the small screen, head over to Stereogum for some choice screencaps of the new Brit Brit video. she's nude and covered in diamonds ... need i say more?

not so muchnow THAT'S trouble, y'all. somebody tell Pink that she's banned from smugglin' raisins in 2K4! g-r-o-s-s!

i guess that's one way to dodge the gay rumours ... Elijah Wood spends all night at Scores.

who knew? you can buy "Dogville" on DVD before it's even theatrically released in the United States. there's all kindsa anticipation for the latest Lars Von Trier film (starring Nicole Kidman, natch) since its premiere at Cannes last year.

that's cheeba cheeba, y'all. former Duke superstar Christian Laettner suspended from the NBA for hittin' the bong. who knew that my boy Laetts liked to get all insane in the membrane? somewhere in NYC, The Information Leafblower is crying.

in case you were wondering whatever became of the great "goofy patois" controversy of January 2004, your Uncle Grambo and Dan Radosh have called a truce. subscribing to the philosophy of "if you can't beat 'em, join em", Radosh composed an eloquent post debating whether or not the TrachtenCleavs is real or airbrushed. he even dropped an "obvs" into his post ... obvs.

wait, what is that I hear in the distance? oh yeah, that's the drumbeat of The FOW Nation, muthafucka! just in case you've been sleepin', the wise and grand TMFTML has been jockin' some of my closest peeps of late. rightfully so, I might add. over the course of the last two days, So Sayeth The Peabs, Foxy Jess and Stereogum have all been singled out by the blog that ESPN's Page 2 is calling "the must-read blog of 2004". quite frankly, it's only a matter of time before my protogés completely usurp all of my buzz, especially with the recent announcement that Peabs and Jim J. Bullock are running for President in 2004.

the only thing with more buzz than Peabs are nips on Yahoo. shmears.

posted by uncle grambo |
 

in olden days of yore

many a night after consuming a mug or two too many of mead, your Uncle Grambo has stumbled off the barstool in the local watering hole and fell (both literally and figuratively) into a sweet slumber. that's generally when the hallucenogenic properties of the copious amounts of absinthe earlier swilled start to kick in ... in times like these, i often wonder what blogs would've been like in the 1800's. no really, i do.

thankfully for all of us, it seems the good folks over at Yankee Pot Roast have been drinking from the same bottle of absinthe. witness the glory that is whatfore (dot org), a delightful incarnation of what whatevs.org might have looked like 200 years ago. major, MAJOR buzz for the site subtitled as "Piping Hot Content For Your Heaving Bosom" ... Great Uncle Grambeaux indeed!

whatfore (dot org)

posted by uncle grambo |
Tuesday, January 13, 2004  

short cuts

a quick glance at my Outlook calendar reveals wall-to-wall meetings from 10 until 4:30 this afternoon. and some DB had the unmitigated gall to schedule a meeting from 11:30 - 1:30 ... that punk ass better represent with some food up in this piece! here's a few things i dug up this morning, presented to you in the comfortable and familiar Bullet Stizz...

posted by uncle grambo |
Monday, January 12, 2004  

when indies attack

ever since they decided to review Liz Phair's decision to go "mainstream" instead of actually listening to her new record, i've pretty much been boycotting Pitchfork. occasionally I'll click through on a link to their music news section, but i have managed to completely avoid their Reviews Section until just this very afternoon* . that is until I spotted that the Indie Snob Nation had decided to set their sights on The Essential Bruce Springsteen, a three-disc set that Columbia put out in time for Holiday 2K3. surprisingly, instead of finding a review that worked hard to beat down the greatest American rock musician of all-time, I found a review that praised both the man and his illustrious thirty-year career. the article's author, Mark Richardson, also won points with adept criticism of the tracklisting (eg, drop "Mary's Place" and put on "Candy's Room"). while I still haven't completely forgiven Pitchfork for their abomination this summer, this review lays the foundation for us to begin our relationship anew.

also discovered on Pitchfork, DJ Danger Mouse will soon be releasing "The Grey Album", described as an "art project/experiment that uses the full vocal content of Jay-Z's Black Album recorded over new beats and production made using the Beatles White Album as the sole source material." buzz?

best commentary track since Carrot Top on "The Rules Of Attraction"? easily The Leprechaun's commentary on "Leprechaun - Back 2 Tha Hood"!

speaking of nosejobs ... do these photos on New Yorkish suggest that Ben Stiller had one? or is that just puberty buzz making his nose all bulbous?

separated at birth? Information Leafblower's pic of Tanya Donnelly suggests potential shared lineage with Christine Baranski.

so you think that we're a bunch of hayseeds out here in the Midwest? well, you're probably right, but at least we can vote online in the upcoming Democratic presidential primary! on a related note: the official blog of the Democratic party is called Kicking Ass. best!

see what happens when the tables get turned and Zulkey gets interviewed (instead of the other way around). any interview that name drops whatevs.org is fine by me!

damn Region 2. "Ken Park" out on DVD over there. Larry Clark ... some say infinitely cooler than Wesley Clark. [via The Grizz]

Billboard confirms the following acts for Coachella: Air, Prefuse 73, The Thrills and Electric Six. [via Big Matt]

one song that I cannot get out of my head these days is "Lola Stars And Stripes" by The Stills. first revealed on a mix cd compiled by the one and only Foxy Jess, this song and Death Cab's "The New Year" are battling it out for Best Song of January 2K4. if you're a fan of the former, watch the video over at NME. [via The Wicked]

The New Yorker profile of Larry David. [via TMN]

reading is fundamental, yo. hence, you must check out the recipients of the prestigious Newberry and Caldecott Medals. Kate DiCamilllo is honored with the Newberry for "The Tale Of Despereaux" and Mordicai Gerstein picks up the sentimental vote for the Caldecott with his Twin Towers-focused "The Man Who Walked Between the Towers." even though these are both classified as "children's books", they both look worthy of your attention. [via PW Daily]

* — EDITOR'S NOTE: I broke the boycott because the Blogosphere is deader than dead today ... hey Nick Catchdubs, Lizzie Spy-ers and Low Culture, where u at?

posted by uncle grambo |
 

REVEALED!

The Grizz and your Uncle Grambo could hardly believe our eyes when we walked into the Palladium 12 on Friday night for a screening of "Something's Gotta Give" and we discovered full-on TrachtenHottness in the form of the one-sheet for "Eurotrip" ... it was all Mandypants* could do to drag the two of us into the theatre and away from the backlit best everness. EASILY the most-anticipated film since "Honey" opened nationwide on December 5th, 2003. and it's rated R! so much cleavs ... BEST!!!

Starring Michelle TrachtenBestEverOfAllTime

posted by uncle grambo |
 

somebody get Indy a god damn drink!

the temple of beer

er, on second thought, probably not such a good idea. he looks pretty hammered as is. fresh from dumping Ally McBeal, Harrison Ford flew himself down to Cancun for what's being described as a "boozy bachelor party" ... Han showed up "solo" and started knocking back tequila shots and Coronas like they were going out of stizz before leaving with a mysterious blonde.

"I have never advised anybody on anything, except how to please me in bed. And that didn't work out so well." just one of the many hilarious things uttered by Joel Stein in The Exclusive Claire Zulkey Friday Interview.

CBS announces the cast for the upcoming Survivor All-Stars series. i bet that Hatch gets voted off first, revenge stizz. and your Uncle Grambo is awfully disappointed that they couldn't convince Colleen Haskell to sign on the line that is dotted ... alas, guess I'll just have to settle for Brkich hottness.

apparently the hott new trend in NYC is to get your balls waxed. just in case you were wondering, yes folks, this appeared in a major daily newspaper (NY Daily News, to be specific)! oh those crazy New Yorkers, just WHAT will they think of next? i've got the answer ... swingin' sex parties! oops, excuse me, i meant to say "erotic networking."

The Drunk Slutsí Guide to Surviving Business Trips aka Adding Value Whilst Getting Drunk and Laid on Company Time and Money. by Maccers, natch.

got $2.25 mills? that's the going rate for thirty seconds of ad time in this year's Super Bowl. if you've got some loose pocket change hanging around, there are still some :30s available in the fourth quarter for the bargain rate of $1,800,000, but let's face facts. all of the viewers still watching the game will be stone cold drunk, so your ad's recall factor is likely to be low low low. viewers will also have some major ad fatigue at that point ... if I were making the decision, my money would go elsewhere. shit, you could probably get six weeks of ROS on cable for that kind of money!

thanks to Bill Sebring for selecting whatevs.org on his list of the Ten Best Blogs of 2003!

buzz (literally!) ... researchers discover that the same family of chemicals that produces a buzz from marijuana is also responsible for "runner's high." howevs, there's still no word on whether those recently completing marathons think that Jim Breuer is funny or not.

perfectioni'm truly disappointed. truly, truly, truly ... oh. i just never thought i'd see the words "nose job" and Kate Bosworth appear together in the same sentence. why Kate, you were button cute before, babe? damn media, always going around causing damage to the female body images...

this just in! The Real World San Diego's Cameran? SMOKIN' HOTT. easily the best looking Real World cast member evs ... so blonde! so thin! so Southern! so in love with her vibrator! SO Uncle Grambo's type! so best!

posted by uncle grambo |
quote-a-matic
"I started out with a lot of Audioslave or anything Chris Cornell -- it helped with the aggression. And Chris Webber from the [Sacramento] Kings. There's a real sweetness behind his eyes, but he's pissed off."
Brad Pitt on the sources of inspiration for his character in "Troy"
be like mark
ECOUTEZ


loretta lynn - van lear rose



REGARDEZ


king of new york (special edition)



LISEZ


john kennedy toole - a confederacy of dunces

adventures w/disposable income
date: 5.8.04
source: CVS
amount: $19.48
(1) liter of Captain's
(2) liters of DC w/lime
(1) mother's day card

snl season 29
REVEALED!
by Nummer & H-Bomb
where's grambo?
may 10: the strokes @ state theatre
may 15: cardigans @ magic stick
may 17: softball league @ 8:30pm
may 17: last tourist @ small's (10pm)
may 24: softball league @ 6:10pm
may 27: sea ray / stills @ st. andrews
june 6: dido @ fox theater
june 7: softball league @ 7:20pm
june 14: softball @ 6:10pm
june 19: jessica's graduation party
june 21: softball @ 8:30pm
june 28: softball @ 6:10pm
july 3 - july 11: vacation @ TBD
july 12: softball @ 7:20pm
july 19: softball @ 7:20pm
july 26: softball @ 9:40pm
august 2: softball @ 7:20pm
august 14: nuptial buzz w/c friggs + lescal!!!
october 23: nuptial buzz w/the grizz + mandypants!!!
twenty word reviews
van helsing
**
REVIEW TK.
hellboy
***
REVIEW TK.
walking tall
*
REVIEW TK.
scooby doo 2: monsters unleashed
NO BUZZ!
REVIEW TK.
dawn of the dead
****1/2
REVIEW TK.
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
****1/2
REVIEW TK.
starsky & hutch
***1/2
REVIEW TK.
girl next door
***
re-imagines "Risky Business" with Vivid Girls instead of prostitutes; marks Elisha Cuthbert's arrival as an alluring, big screen sex symbol.
eurotrip
*
Despite the best efforts of TrachtenBest, suffers greatly from a lack of forward momentum (scriptwise) and some remarkably bland casting
along came polly
**
aside from Philip Seymour Best Ever's performance ("RAIN DANCE!"), I vastly preferred this when it was called "Dharma And Greg."
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