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Friday, September 26, 2003
Jeffrey Wells is under a review-embargo agreement regarding "Kill Bill", but in today's column over at Moviepoopshoot.com he manages to praise the film while also skirting the embargo. dig.
Wendy Case, we missed you so much! you hit the road and quit your job to become a Rock Star and now here you come crawling back to your old job in a freelance capacity to preview this weekend's R.E.M show. too bad you still suck. and don't blame it on the fact that you're a freelancer. The Freep's Christopher Walton isn't a staffer but he managed to score an interview with Michael Stipe, while you got local radio schlub Steve Kostan to comment. And since you evidently have a lot of spare time as a freelance rock and roll star, why didn't you spend a few minutes on Ticketmaster.com researching where the show was being held? Hate to break it to you, but despite the fact that they're both owned by the same management company, The Palace of Auburn Hills is NOT the same as DTE Energy Center. it's called "fact checking", you should try it some time. Case ... so durst.
your Uncle Grambo saw "Underworld" last night and came out with mixed feelings. while the plot was complicated and intriguing (good things) and seeing Kate Beckinsale in head-to-toe rubber bodysuits was a definite plus, it lacked the kind of intangible moments that make a film memorable. but I guess that's neither here nor there, because the producers are gearing up to produce a trilogy.
get ready for a laff riot on next week's MNF. apparently Detroit Lions QB Joey Heisman is an accomplished pianist and will be teaming with John Popper and Jason Mraz on a little ditty. wait wait wait ... shmeriously? wtf!?! and the real kicker is that this trio will be "battling" against a rap duo of the San Diego Chargers' Marcellus Wiley and DMC. uh, come again? what's next, Kurt Warner and The Kings Of Leon?
finally, it seems like word is breaking EVERYWHERE that the Anna Faris character in "Lost In Translation" is modeled after Cammy Diaz (see Wells, Page Six and other sources like this film review). apparently Sofia Coppola spent some time with Miss Oxy Face on the set of "Being John Malkovich" and found her to be worthy of mocking. looking back at the film, I can't believe that I didn't spot this right away ... must've been Faris' unblemished skin! this makes your Uncle Grambo recall Tom DiCillo's masterful "Living In Oblivion", in which James LeGros turned in a scathingly hilarious imitation of Brad Pitt. buzz.posted by uncle grambo |
PREFACE: i normally don't use the space here on whatevs.org for personal shout-outs (birthdays, anniversarys, yada yizz). but since today is such an Epic Day, I will slightly bend the rules...
mad props and congratulatory wishes must be delivered to my boy Peabs for rejoining Corporate America and landing a job with a highly prestigious national advertising agency! eff BI! get your freak on, Peabs!
posted by uncle grambo |
whatevs.org's resident SNL experts, Nummer and the H-Bomb, bring word on the first three episodes of the 29th season of everyone's favourite sketch comedy show. there have been some wild rumours over the course of the last few months (The Rock and Jane's Addiction!), but it looks like we're locked and loaded for the show that premieres in just two weeks time. revealed!
Ep 1 (10/4/03): Jack Black / John Mayer
While my SNL knowledge pales in comparison to our resident experts, I predict that the guest host for Episode 3 will change. Halle Berry's latest movie, "Gothika", was set to open that weekend and has been pushed back to November 21st. Dave Poland thinks that because of the extreme competition during that timeframe, there's a good chance that it will slide all the way into January. Buzz.
posted by uncle grambo |
Thursday, September 25, 2003
ugh. what has happened to me? up to this point, I have successfully navigated my way through the primetime television schedule without becoming "involved" with any non-Fox or MTV developed reality shows. "for love or money"? skipped it. "extreme makeover"? er, not so much. "big brother"? not since Will won. and the worst offender up to this point has been "The Bachelor" series on ABC. because I'm a pop culture junkie who reads US Weekly religiously, of course I know that Trista is gonna marry Ryan and that Firestone loser picked the girl who wasn't hott. I've heard stories about that Aaron dude, but I don't have a high level of confidence that I could pick him out of a crowd. but it's only by accident that I've ever actually seen either one of these shows, and even then, I'm fairly sure that I flipped when the commercial break loomed. so why am I suddenly so drawn into the merry hijinks of Bachelor Bob?
i'm sure most of the blame can be placed on my brother (aka The Grizz). it's because of him and Pants* that I even know who this dude is. and because The Grizz will be covering the entire season of "The Bachelor" for The Detroit News, I figured that it would be better to drop the stiff resistance to the reality show equivalent of a chick flick and tune in for this season. lo and behold, after a few glasses of wine at Streetside (with Coach Glinka, Malbers and Jillycakes), I sidled home and flipped on the telly. i quickly discovered that my gut instinct about the show was right; despite having a slight buzz going, I honestly had a very hard time making it through the entire show without flipping to the Reds / Cubs game on ESPN.
first of all, can someone explain to me why this Bachelor Bob dude has a nation of women swooning? why is Oprah jocking him so hard? based solely upon what was shown on ABC last night, I think that this Bob dude might be only slightly less overrated than Ray Romano. he's got a sniveling kind of a laugh that instantly got on my nerves, and he came across like a total wuss last night. while I'll concede that having 25 (relatively) good-looking women in hot pursuit of you would probably make me stammer too, this guy didn't really say anything remotely funny or interesting on camera. he earns points for being very nice to his mother, especially because it was painfully clear that he didn't want her there. but other than that, what's the dilly?
perhaps even more depressing were his choices in women. while it was clear as day that he was going to select Kelly Jo from Kalamazoo, it was a little disappointing that she was the "first" one that he gave a rose to (btw, that whole rose giving nonsense is totally gay). i mean come ON, you meet girls like that all the time 'round these parts. in addition, methinks that she's got a bit of psycho in her genes. call it a hunch. and is it just me or is Bob insane for not picking Shae (that hott firefighter chick from GA pictured at rizz) to go onto the next round? from a purely physical standpoint, she stood heads and tails above the rest of those other chicks (especially that one old ass lookin' ho - you're 30 years old? bullSHIT!). add on the fact that she seemed totally charming and oh so very Southern and I think that our boy Bob made a giant mistake. and I was also a big fan of The Virgin, don't quite get why he gave her the boot either. didn't he watch "90210"? granted, David Silver had to put in years of overtime before he and Donna Martin knocked boots, but I remember her being a real wildcat after she finally gave it up. ROAR!
all that being said, I must have enjoyed it at least a little bit to have already written almost 700 words on the subject. i'll continue to watch on Wednesdays as the weeks trickle by, mainly because knowledge of "Bachelor" goings-on is essential to developing a close rapport with the females in the workplace. if I were to pick any favourites, I think that Meredith and Leeann are the early front runners. if I were in Bachelor Bob's shoes, that's where I'd be leaning. i'm quite sure this show will come nowhere near the comedic transcendance of "Joe Millionaire", but then again, what show ever will?posted by uncle grambo |
transcribed below are the lyrics for the opening track on the new Peaches LP, "Fatherfucker", a track entitled "I Don't Give A..." the music is sampled from Joan Jett's classic "Bad Reputation." best one minute and 31 second song of the year, by FAR! and yes, the famed lyric "Are the motherfuckers ready for the fatherfuckers?" appears on the record. so. BEST!
"I Don't Give A..." by Peaches and Joan Jett
Peaches:You know, I wanna tell you something
and by "yuk yuk yuk", I really mean "Groan." during a debate yesterday, California gubernatorial candidate Ah-Nuld Schwarzenazi quipped "I just realized that I have a perfect part for you in Terminator 4" after being challenged by Ariana Huffington. are you shmerious? that's worse than my now infamous "Les Paul Darth Maul" post from last week! egads.
dude makes Tupac Shakur look like a slacker! John Ritter to make five posthumous appearances on "Hollywood Squares." face the facts people, Ritter has got more buzz right now than Kutcher did back in the spring!
My hometown. This is my hometown. My hometown. In Royal Oak, Bras Grow On Trees.
This is a public service announcement from your friendly neighborhood Uncle Grambo. For those of you who risk the occasional "less than sober" drive home from the local watering holes, you betta watch yo' ass. On Tuesday, a new law goes into effect which lowers the BAC level at which people can be convicted of drunken driving from 0.10 to 0.08. Stay in school, say your prayers and don't drink and drive. This has been a public service announcement brought to you by the National Ad Council.
The new Brit Brit video features girls on leashes. giddy up!
who knew? whatevs.org has crossed the bridge from English speaking FOWs to those whose native tongue is Spanish! Can anyone tell me what this means? "Halle Berry morreándose con Fred Durst: para mear y no echar gota. [En la ficción, claro. Si no ya seríaa demasiado...]"
I don't know about you, but I always knew that Gwynnie had this in her. Gwyneth Paltrow was spotted in Los Angeles yesterday buying FOUR (!!!) vibrators, including one called the "Rabbit Habit." her public persona is so prim and proper, but I always knew that she'd be a wildcat behind closed doors. Hubba hubba!posted by uncle grambo |
because the phrase "jumping the shark" doesn't even come close to doing this abomination justice. Ashton Kutcher Punk'd the "Queer Eye" guys at an Emmy pre-party on Sunday. bitch PLEASE!
guess what film the New York Post described as "another arthritic comedy with scratch `20s music on the soundtrack"? i'll give you a hint (as if you need one). it stars Biggs and only made $1.7 mills in weekend B.O.. Biggs ... some say he's the new Carrot Top. still guessing? the answer is "Anything Else", which I guess was the American public's answer to the question of "What would you rather be doing this weekend besides seeing the new Woody Allen movie?"
sorry ya lost! Evil judge strikes down FTC's landmark "Do Not Call" registry.
"Pirates" ... who knew? Depp, Bloom, Knightley and crew passed "The Empire Strikes Back" for 17th place on the all-time list of top BO grossers.
I know that gossiping about Paris Hilton is pretty tired, but she keeps giving us such great ammunition! Sports By Brooks is reporting that she was recently spotted making out with Chicago Bears lineman Brian Urlacher during a Playboy party held at The Palms in Las Vegas. Since The Information Leafblower is on vacation this week, I thought that I would help fill in with some sports-related takes. Hurry back!
I'm likely to take some abuse for this, but comic books blow (other than the work of Daniel Clowes and Chris Ware, that is). Case in point, the upcoming release of "Heaven's War." as reported by the NY Observer's ace reporter Rebecca Traister, this upcoming graphic novel focuses on "a secret angelic battle is waged in the heavenly realms to determine mankind's fate." sounds pretty tigs, right? well, the kicker is that the "secret battle" is between a group of nerdy British authors called The Inklings (members include C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien) and renowned Satanic nerd author Aleister Crowley. can you say durst? Traister brands the comic with the name "The League Of Extraordinary Nerds." no doubt! comics ... some say worst evs.posted by uncle grambo |
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
you're at your favourite drinking establishment just minding your own business. two hott blonde (or brunette or redhead, it really doesn't matter) identical twins (think Coors Light) walk in the door. one is wearing a tight baby tee that says "Princess." the other is wearing a tight baby tee that says "Goddess." which one do you want to take home? discuss.
posted by uncle grambo |
(as submitted by The Grizz)posted by uncle grambo |
posted by uncle grambo |
"Imagine 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' made by Scorsese during his cocaine phase, and you're halfway there." Sean O'Hagan, film reviewer for The Observer (London), on Quentin Tarantino's "Kill Bill". the film hasn't been screened for any members of the American press yet, but some lucky British journos got a taste over the weekend. In his review that appeared in Sunday's Observer, O'Hagan is decidedly conflicted. In one breath, he infers that QT has "shot himself in the foot" and in the next he's praising it as "stylistically breathtaking." Either way, your Uncle Grambo is waiting in breathless anticipation for it to be released on October 10. So. Much. Buzz.
Is there anyone out there besides me and the writers at Entertainment Weekly who think that "Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs" is an enormously enjoyable read? Apparently not. The Klosterman backlash has extended across our nation's borders to the fair city of Toronto, where book critic Tabatha Southey calls it "the patter of a very silly man desperately patrolling the perimeter of Hipsville." ouch (link via the good graces of TMFTML).
Fay Wray. Jessica Lange. Naomi Watts? Peter Jackson wants to cast Naomi Watts as the female lead in his adaptation of "King Kong."
Speaking of gorillas, the inimitable Mrs. Gorilla tipped me off on this months and months ago and the mainstream media is just now catching up. Today's Freep discusses the latest project from controversial artist Tyree Gurton, aptly named "The Penny Project." Turns out that Gurton (who is locally infamous because of his involvement with the polarizing Heidelberg Project) is rebuilding a house in downtown Detroit and covering the exterior with 384,000 pennies. Aptly called "The House That Makes Sense", the house will be reconstructed to be a gallery / workshop for children's art. I say buzz.
Bruce Springsteen's seminal 1974 "Born To Run" album tops Zagat's list of Most Popular Albums ever. the rest of the Top 10 is rounded out with albums from The Beatles, Miles Davis, U2 and Pink Floyd. surprisingly, "Achtung Baby" crept into the Top 10, as did Springsteen's "Darkness On The Edge Of Town." don't get me wrong, both are great albums, but who knew that they would be in the Top 10 Of All-Time?
I hate it when that happens. Student cuts off penis and tongue after drinking hallucenogenic tea. Link courtesy of Big Matt and APLarcadia.
D'ya ever lament the demise of McSwys? Personally, I think that energy is better spent lamenting the demise of the late, great Might, but that milk got spilt so long ago. McSwys was founded by a post-Might, pre-"AHWOSG" Dave Eggers as a dot com replacement for funny, experimental fiction and a lot of the work that ended up in Might. And for a long period of time (say, '98 - '01) it was pretty damn funny. But like the Pelopenisian War, those days are long past. Thankfully there's Yankee Pot Roast, which is totally McSwys without the air of condescension. Add it to your list of daily web visits for their stories like Postmodern Irony 101 Final Examination by Josh Abraham and I'm A Red Hot Chili Pepper by Anthony Kiedis. Rinse and repeat.posted by uncle grambo |
Dave Poland was right, "The Rundown" is one of the best action / comedy / fish out of water / buddy movies since "Lethal Weapon" (yeah, that's a lot of genres to mix with in one film but somehow it all works). The Rock proves to be an immensely likeable movie star and Christopher Walken turns in one of his better supporting performances since "True Romance." And who knew that director Peter Berg had this kind of game? Granted, he's nowhere near the greatness of young auteurs like Fincher, Aronofsky or PTA, but I'll take his films over Rob Cohen's ("XXX") or John Singleton's ("Fast And The Furious 2") any day of the week. I'll turn in a 20 Word Review for this and "Lost In Translation" in the next hour or two, promise, but you should go see this movie when it opens on Friday.
Maybe he can get his old job at the Cheese Sandwich factory back. MTV cancels "The New Tom Green Show" after less than three months on the air. I'm still kinda pissed that when Damore and your Uncle Grambo were in New York and scored tix for "The Late Show", we got Tom Green as a guest host instead of Dave. Oh, and btw, "Freddy Got Fingered" is still one of the most underrated flix evs. Obvs (link courtesy of the omnipotent Beat Royalty).
I was the biggest star in the world ... bop, pssst ... worrrld! Happy Belated 83rd Birthday to Andy Rooney. Too bad it was spent (and I shit you not) opening for the Smothers Brothers at the Bloomsburg (PA) Fair Monday night. WORRRRLD!
without so much as a quiet eulogy, "The Battle Of Shaker Heights" has oh-so-quietly slipped out of the five theatres that it was showing in. According to Box Office Mojo, the film topped out at $280,351 after grossing a mere $808 per screen in its final week of release. looks like I'll have to wait until the DVD is released on December 9th to see my boy Shia's reportedly tigs perf. will it have a Balis commentary track? we can only hope. and btw, who are the ad wizards in the Miramax marketing department who designed this DVD cover? could they possibly have made the film look less appealing? thanks to Davis for revealing.posted by uncle grambo |
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
Is anyone else waiting for the suicide bombers to come crawling out of the woodwork? Nice diversity skills, Bushie. Way to call the Muslim faith a "fake religion" on Fox last night. Geez.
funny, this is what I do when I'm depressed too! this weekend, Ben Affleck was spotted at Best Buy and Media Play browsing through DVDs. reports have him buying over 40 DVDs at Media Play. i wonder if he owns "Phantoms"? think he joined the Best Buy Reward Zone? (speaking of which, has anyone received their bonus checks from Besties yet? I've racked up at least 40,000 points and I haven't received anything yet.)
everyone else in the blogosphere has already linked to it, but here it is for the FOWs. "Lost In Translation" translated. from this weekend's New York Times.
Will Bob The Bachelor be the biggest breakout star of the reality tv genre? All signs point to yes. What, with the new television show, the book deal, the swooning girls (not to mention Oprah having your back), life is good for Bachelor Bob. and the best part of all is that he and The Grizz are boys! check out Adam's interview with Bob Guiney in today's Detroit News, as well as his sidebar on why a disproportionate number of reality television "stars" hail from the Midwest.
The new Southfield Public Library looks pretty kickass. Too bad it's in Southfield.
"The nightlife in China is off the hook!" Quentin Tarantino was apparently rolling his balls off during the filming of "Kill Bill" in China, especially when he partied at the Great Wall. we'll know for sure if Uma and Lucy Liu spend extraordinary amounts of time listening to progressive house and rubbing each others' back in the film.
Normally I cannot stand Drew Sharp. In fact, I pretty much hate him and his surly attitude towards everything. But if you're like me and hate John Navarre even more, you'll take pleasure in reading Sharp's column in today's Freep.posted by uncle grambo |
I once held hope that Thora Birch would escape the curse of "American Beauty." ever since that film's release, every featured performer has taken a turn for the worse, with the lone exceptions of Chris Cooper and Thora Bizz. think about it. Kevin Spacey? he turned into a sentimental schmuck. Annette Bening? she's too busy keeping an eye on Warren Beatty to concentrate on acting. Mena Suvari? she wasn't asked to return for "American Wedding", now the only role she can land involves taking a dump on camera (see "Spun"). Sam Mendes? "The Road To Perdition" was one of the most boring movies of the last 10 years. and Wes Bentley? never heard of him. NEXT! but Thora seemed different. Her magnificent performance in "Ghost World" overshadowed her horrendous turn in "Dungeons & Dragons" and things were on the up and up for her. She showed both dramatic and comedic talents in these pivotal roles, not to mention the willingness to display her wonderous rack. Flash forward to 2003. Birch has been out of work for the last three years, completing two television movies and one heretofor unreleased bomb. So can someone please explain to me how Thora's management team thought that the best way to launch her comeback would be BY APPEARING AS DURST'S LOVE INTEREST IN THE NEW LIMP BIZKIT VIDEO??? Bad idea jeans. I had conciously blocked that abomination out of my mind until this morning when Miss Modernage revealed a picture of a very grizzly looking Francis Ford Coppola molesting the young starlet. dude, apparently Thora was trying to take a page from the Ashton Kutcher handbook when she showed up arm in arm with Francis Fizz at the Emmy's on Sunday night. just. plain. gross. but more importantly, it's very disappointing. it's one thing for Paris Hilton to shamelessly flirt with Robert Evans, but the thought of Francis Ford Fatass humping Miss Birch is enough to drive a man to drink. and the fact that Thora would resort to sleeping with a slovenly and washed up director in order to increase her buzz quotient is utterly reprehensible. if you're gonna sleep with an older dude, that's kewl by me ... but at least pick someone who isn't so nast!!! so. gross. so. durst.posted by uncle grambo |
still catching up on emails (both at work and on my Yahoo account) and determining what content out there is still piping hot. this might take me awhile. thankfully for the FOWs, The Gorilla voluntarily contributed a typically brilliant op-ed to whatevs.org on the state of the troubled National Hockey League. enjoy.
posted by uncle grambo |
dearest FOWs - apologies for the lack of updates yesterdizz. i played hooky and had difficulties with my internet connection at home (by "difficulties", i mean "i slept all day"). i did write a review of the Springsteen show, but it's on my lappy at home. hopefully I'll be able to get it posted this evening, but in the meantime check out The Grizz's excellent review from yesterday's DetNews and the setlist.
Bruce Springsteen and The E-Street Band
Souls of the Departed / The Rising / Lonesome Day / Night / Empty Sky / You're Missing / Waitin' on a Sunny Day / The Promised Land / Local Hero / Because the Night / Badlands / No Surrender / Mary's Place / Dancing In The Streets / Jungleland / Into the Fire / My Beautiful Reward
posted by uncle grambo |