vma recap

everybody loves white girls ... especially when they kiss
the world is abuzz this morning with recollections of last night's instantly infamous Brit Brit / Madge / X-Tina three-way kissing orgy. thanks to GP Jenn, the FOW Nation knew to ensure that their TiVos were recording during a moment that heterosexual males have been dreaming of ever since the "Baby One More Time" video. well maybe except for Justin Trousersnake, whose look of disgust when Britney frenched Madge couldn't have been more priceless (btw, i'm still convinced that MTV pasted in this reaction shot from an earlier moment). can't believe that the producers missed most of the Madonna / X-Tina kiss, but that Trousersnake reaction was probably the highlight of the evening.

where were the couples?
other than Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro (btw, why wasn't he shirtless? i didn't think he owned any shirts? christ, he hasn't worn one since `88!), last night's VMA crowd was a virtual "Dinner For Eight" ... so much stag action! Pammy Anderson left Kid Rock back in Detroit, Cameron Diaz was nowhere to be found when her boy Trousersnake was picking up awards (but was that Rumer Willis with JT?), Gwyneth stood up Chris Martin and, despite the fact that they performed together, Young and B wanted no business with each other. i don't get it? is it all of a sudden "cooler" to show up at functions either solo or with your boys? discuss.

calling the Oscar producers
hope you were watching the VMAs last night and that you realize that Chris Rock deserves a shot at hosting the show. he absolutely KILLED on stage last night (calling Good Charlotte "more like a Mediocre Green Day" and absolutely torching R. Kells with an unforgettable Olsen Twins reset). wait, who am I kidding? hollywood is far too stodgy and uptight to let a guy like Rock take over the hosting duties. shouldn't they just bring back friggin' Billy Crystal for the eightieth time? not so much. other comedy highlights of the evening include Adam Carolla's Crank Yanker character ("that Kelly Clarkson has a lot of junk in the trunk, but she's got a good grill!") and Baby Stewie's pre-show discussion of 50 Cent's lyrics.

siblings have no buzz
last night was all about siblings. the Williams sisters, the Hilton sisters, those Good Charlotte brothers and of course the Olsen Twins. not a single pair have half as much buzz as the brothers Graham, this I can guarantee you.

technical snafus killed some major buzz
for the second time in three years, MTV effed up MAJORLY during a live broadcast. remember two years or so ago when U2 was set to perform (post September 11th) and technical problems forced producers to cut to commercial? well it happened again this year ... TWICE! the least offensive of the two was when Redman appeared onstage for the intro rap on X-Tina's "Dirrrty", it appeared as if his mic wasn't working properly. the major F up was when Duran Duran came onstage to accept their lifetime achievement award; MTV was supposed to cut to a video tribute to the band before Simon LeBon and the crew gave their speech, but the production team fumbled and the video never aired. at least the band showed a sense of humour about the whole thing as Nick Rhodes quipped "I think we've just been Punk'd." and it appeared to this viewer that MTV shut off Britney's and X-Tina's mics when Madonna was performing "Hollywood", but that one appeared to be a conscious choice.

random quickies
was it just me or did Missy look like she carjacked a Scottish caddy on the way to the awards? ... Jason Biggs was trying to usurp Stiller buzz from the "Bad Boys 4 Life" video when he tried to "shizzle" talk while he was presenting, so durst ... Durst actually showed! ... i'm fairly convinced that 50 Cent doesn't know how to speak English, he was like the god damn Rain Man up there as he cradled his Moonmen and mealymouthed his way through a couple of horrid acceptance speeches ... Snoop-A-Loop is a legend, i can't believe threw out Jewish props when he said "Mazzle Tazzle" ("mazel tov" buzz!) to Sandler ... apparently suffering from Alicia Silverstone syndrome, little miss Hilary Duff is packin' on the pounds ... quite the opposite was Jessica Simpson, who obviously hadn't had a bite to eat in days ... Metallica's desperate bid for indie cred fell short when they mixed in "Seven Nation Army" with "Beat It" in a tribute to 20 years of the VMAs, last year's GnR perf was way hotter ... why was Beyonce being assaulted from the CGI dudes from "Eyes Wide Shut" (see below)? ... Jack Black, we all love you and your David Blaine resets! ... since when are all those dudes from AFI gay? ... those "Queer Eye" guys are so five minutes ago, it's the worst display of pimping yourself out on the race / sexual orientation tip since Jimmy Walker and his "Dy-No-Mite" resets of the `70s ... does P. Diddy have to represent dead dudes like every time he appears on an award show? i bet he never even MET Gregory Hines! ... and the award for "Most Wasted" is a tie between Kelly Osbourne and Iggy Pop, lay off the alcohol / heroin, yo (respectively).

pure hottness

VMA Spoiler?

hit my inbox just moments ago...

-----------------
Date: Thu, 28 Aug 2003 14:26:11 -0400
From: GP Jenn
To: markdgraham@yahoo.com
Subject: VMA Spoiler Addition

Hey there! I have another VMA spoiler for you. Apparently, tonight it will only be Britney performing "Like a Virgin" on top of a wedding cake. The addition to this saucy number will be none other than Madonna herself dressed as the groom and they get married, bride/groom kiss and all! Now this may be off the wall, but Lourdes may be the ring bearer. Tonight we will see who is correct. Hopefully this ads to your fun-filled day, I know it spiced up my morning when I found out!

microserfin'

so, as I was walking into the office at 7:25 am this morning, there stood none other than Bill Gates. there were bodyguard type dudes strategically placed around our parking lot. he was chatting with Rick Wagoner, chairman and CEO of General Motors. you don't see that everyday.

sorry for the problems with the backBlog over the last 30 hours or so. i've been in touch with the dude who runs the service and apparently he had to do a last-minute switcharoo with the servers that they use due to load issues. apologies for any slow load times that resulted (or will result). the issue will hopefully be fixed in the next day or so.

anyway, it's been a crazy day but i did discover a few noteworthy links to whet yo' appetizz ...

• even hotter than that Liz Phair desktop calendar. i'm talkin' about official Dido wallpaper! hit me baby one more time!

• bloggers like your Uncle Grambo have a few ways to understand exactly who out there in the blogosphere is talking about you and your website. referral logs are usually a good place to start, as is Technorati. but when all else fails, you can always Google on "whatevs". that is how I stumbled upon another website called Whatevs, a website "dedicated to everyone who loves beer, malt liquor, drunken stupors, blackouts, the Simpsons, Family Guy, sleeping 20 hours a day, and hates pants, reading and basically doing anything other than drinking and sleeping." best!

• oh give me the beat boy and free my soul. i wanna get lost in your rock 'n' roll. The Grizz interviews Uncle Kracker himself in anticipation of tonight's free show at the Michigan State Fair.

• hey, didn't we boot your ass outta Detroit a few years back? Lindsay Hunter to return to the Detroit Pistons. durst!

• people say I'm the life of the party 'cause I tell a joke or two. but although i may been laughin' loud, honey, deep inside I'm blue. so take a good look at my face. you'll see the smile is outta place. look a little bit closer and it's easy to trace the tracks of my tears.

• chalk this up to another wild rumour that will never come true. but it'd be best if it did! Britney Spears to star in remake of "Footloose" directed by Baz Luhrmann.

• finally, I got some SPOILER BUZZ for those of you excited to watch tonight's VMAs. apparently Brit Brit AND X-Tina are BOTH going to perform "Like A Virgin" while wearing a white wedding dress and standing atop a giant wedding cake. the weird thing is that they're going to do it separately. when each of their respective numbers is complete, Madge and Missy are going to perform "Hollywood" ... WHERE'D YOU GET THEM JEANS? btw, J. Lo backed out on this perf at the last minute. she's so shockey it's not even durst.

serve and volley

Maria Sharapova ... you makin' me crazy! did you SEE the outfit she was wearing at the US Open the other night? can't believe that she was rockin' the hardcore cameltoe, Fannypack style! (link via ILB, though he was too busy focusing on Jelena Dokic to even notice my girl Maria S. dude, Dokic is a skank! but I'm still waiting for my princess, Miss Ashley Harkleroad, to rock a hott outfit. developing...)

oh Isiah. Larry Bird shitcans Zeke and searches for a new Pacers head coach.

Dashboard gets Gigli'd as sales of the new record fall 60% in Week 2. eff Chris Carraba.

thanks to MTV, you heard it first. "Gay folk church music." yep, THAT'S going to be the biggest thing since Good Charlotte.

whoa. New Matrix Revolutions trailer revealed (buzz from MCN).

i am forever in debt to Stereogum for revealing 12 months of Liz Phair Desktop Calendar jpg buzz!

quote of the day

"I feel like I'm dating Selma Blair and we both live in Sunnydale and we're going to see Phish at the Bronze tonight." — local ad man and prime time FOW Nummer after the following was announced: Doner has won the $90 million ad account of amusement park company Six Flags.

Chillax: "To chill and relax concur-rently. This may sound redundant. Advice: It’s unwise to suggest any grammatical points of weakness to the tribe, as you run the risk of being shut out of further explanations of what the words actually mean. Also, chizzil." uh, wtf? according to Today's Parent, teens actually use this word. but then again, i s'pose it's not any weirder than "tigs" or "obvs" or "schmobvs", right? (link courtesy of T-Rob).

Gideon Yago drinks beers with Julian Casablancas and gets a sneak peek at "Room On Fire". buzz.

america's sweetheart

scratch that rumour about Courtney Hole performing a tribute to Madonna on the VMAs tomorrow nizz. She cancelled her appearance after flipping out because $18,000 worth of hair extensions didn't turn out right. Her record label claims that she stepped on a nail (???) during a photo shoot and that's why she cancelled. meanwhile, Ed Norton is urging C. Love to get back into rehab, like pronto. poor Courtney. so effed in the head.

i know it's old news (anything published over 24 hours ago is ancient and already gathering dust), but for those who haven't heard by now, but The Strokes have a name for their new album. "Room On Fire" will be released on 10.20.03.

gotta love this guy. 31-year old Michigan resident Michael VanStrate was arrested after biting off someone's finger during a wedding reception. this same dude also smeared cake on a 9 year old boy and knocked out a 49 year old woman. Sparty On, dude!

Hot girls who like sports. totally SFW. this girl's favourite team is the Red Wings! he shoots, he scores!

note to all aspiring Katie Holmes stalkers out there. according to Joey Potter herself, "Nothing beats a great pair of Prada heels and expensive bottle of Pinot Grigio." so I guess that means that I gotta trash the Vans and the bottle of Boone's Farm that I've been saving for her. damn, yo.

Ultragrrrl cracks me up. like everyday.

Ryan P on the new Kings of Leon LP. Nick Catchdubs on Junior Senior. buzz.

The Village Voice throw some (mixed) praise at "The Battle Of Shaker Heights." Shia even gets called out as being "phenomenally convincing." let's just hope that it can maintain the $9,500 per screen average when it goes wide to ten cities this weekend.

and oh yeah, i forgot to tell y'all that I MET LIZ PHAIR !!! yep, after Monday night's show at St. Andrew's Hall. it was beautiful. priceless. words can't describe. still in awe. still drooling. still can't really believe that it happened. thanks to The Grizz and Mandypantalons, I managed to snag an autographed setlist that I'm planning on framing this weekend. so best. props out to the entire crew (too many to name) who represented for the sweatiest show evs. good times, good times. i'll get to posting a gallery of my blurry photos this wknd, but until then, here's another Liz pic for all y'all.

P to the H to the C

oooh, SNAP! "If Sean Penn’s retarded character from "I Am Sam" had read Baudrillard, you’d get Chuck Klosterman." (via Gawker)

watch out. The Detroit Tigers are the hottest team in baseball!* and oh yeah, eff you Dream Weaver. how does that demotion to the Yankees' Class A team taste?

"You, pompous, stuck-up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerp, scum-bag, fuck-face, dickhead, asshole!" Andy Roddick puts a straight set whuppin' on that cheeky Brit Tim Henman (UPDATE: No soup for Roddick ... that DB was sporting a trucker hat during the US Open last night! you'd think that Mandy Moore would've taught him better. apparently not. btw, props to the Information Leaf Blower for revealing this heinous buzz).

Real World Paris cast member Adam gets arrested for being hammered in public. TSG also reveals that Ace's real name is Clyde ... Clyde? like the fourth ghost in Ms. Pac-Man? durst.

the only reason that Em still gives Kim the time of day is because she's bisexual and always brings him home hotties, three-way style. and here I thought it was just all the left-over C! (link courtesy of K-Dizzy)

Charlize Theron and Penelope Cruz to play lesbian lovers on-screen. buzz. (link courtesy of JP McKrengels)

Glamorama celebrates its first year! congrats Kegzies!

ever sit around wondering what Noah Baumbach (writer/director of "Kicking And Screaming" and "Mr. Jealousy") is listening to these days? wonder no more.

and finally, HUGE props must go out to Big Matt and Ryan Sult of MotorCityRocks.com fame. aside from recently launching a blog that focuses solely on Detroit music, they also scored exclusive access to cover the making of a new documentary called "Detroit Punks." the press release describes the film as an attempt to answer the question of "How did Detroit get from the MC5, Iggy and the Stooges and Mitch Ryder all the way to the White Stripes, creating a 30-year gap when Detroit was off the musical map?" interview participants include Don Was, MC5, Elmore Leonard, The Detroit Cobras, The Go, Jim Diamond and more. the film is slated to debut at the Detroit Institute of Arts in July 2004.

seperated at birth

Uncle Grambo and The Hulk (as suggested by The Grizz)

I Have An iPod ... In My Mind!

I'm sure you've seen a lot of tech-savvy people smugly showing off that new hunk of entertainment hardware, the iPod personal stereo. Well, I might not have the scratch to get one, but frankly, I don't want the white-corded wonder. I have my very own iPod—in my mind.

I hear those little things carry up to a month's worth of music. Well, so does my mind. I can call up any song I've ever heard, any time I want. And I never have to load software or charge batteries. There are no firewire cords or docks to mess with. I just put my hands behind my head, lean back, and select a tune from the extensive music-library folder inside my brain.

Thirty gigabytes? So what? I know 7,500 songs, maybe more. Some songs, I forget I even have until they come around on shuffle. Why, just the other day, my mind started playing David Naughton's "Makin' It," a song I hadn't heard in years. And the sound quality was great!

Easy downloads? You don't know the meaning of the word "easy." And I don't have to know the meaning of the word "download." You may get MP3s off the Internet, you smug scenester, but I can get music off the television, the radio, even a passing ice-cream truck. If I don't want to waste the memory space on a high-fidelity copy, I just don't pay very close attention. Now, that's what I call convenience.

All I have to do is hear a song once or twice, and it's stored forever. I can call it up any time I want. Beach Boys. Beatles. How about some Bach? Or some Billy Joel? Sing me a song, piano man of my mind! And those are just the artists whose names begin with "B."

I can browse by artist, album, song, or music genre. Boom! I'm doing it right now! The "repeat" feature? Heck, songs from my iPod don't ever have to end. I swear, I had "Music Box Dancer" going through my head for three days straight last week.

You say those iPods have customizable playlists that allow you to line up songs of your choosing? Primitive! I can put together a playlist, say "Best-Ever Heavy Metal Anthems," while I'm sitting in traffic. My mind is light-years beyond that, though. Does your iPod have the "That Reminds Me Of Another Great Song" feature? Well, my mind does!

Does your iPod have a powerful feature that can play back the great songs of summer 1993, as they sounded coming out of Mike Tollefson's boombox in the back of the school bus? Of course not. That particular playlist is in my brain, which your pitiful iPod will never be able to autosync with.

But wait, you say that my iPod isn't wrapped up in a pretty little white case? Oh, I guess you haven't heard of a pretty little white case I like to call my skull. There's plenty of room for all of my contacts, too. Check this out: Paula, 398-9172, 195 Webster Place. Ha! Take that, Apple.

Sure, it doesn't hold all the music I've ever heard, but if I can't remember a song, it's usually not worth having anyway. Except, I'll admit, that one by The Tubes that I think was called "She's One In A Million Girls." The file somehow got corrupted with part of that J. Geils Band song about the centerfold. But every product has its bugs, right?

Even so, my mind has features your iPod will never have. Does your iPod have real-time remixing? No?! Well, if I don't like the original lyrics to Kansas' "Carry On Wayward Son"—zip, zip, zing—my mind can change them! Adding a cool bass line or a rocking keyboard flourish to any piece of music? No problem! Adding images of myself performing on stage with the band? Done!

Does your iPod turn you from just another bus-rider into a lonely figure finding his way down Baker Street? Guess what? My mind can! And it does it all with no moving parts, man. None. 'Cause it's my mind.

photographic hottness revealed

just a few of the highlights from the last couple of days ... off to a meeting downtown, I'll be back later this afternoon.

get the eff out

JANEANE GAROFALO IS NOW A BLONDE!

unreleased hottness

despite these artists' massive worldwide popularity, somehow these releases have been gathering dust in the hands of the major labels. thank you to Worth 1000 for finally revealing them for the entire world to see!

best new artist

whatevs.org apparently has a tribute band. check out The Whatevs over on whatev.org. wonder if they cover my famous renditions of "Ode To Bynes", "Come Over and Sit On Your Uncle's Lap" and "(I Wanna Love You) Daily and Knightley" ...

can't be any worse than Jesse Camp's record deal ... or can it?

Kylie's got some new competition from Nadine Coyle for the best arse in the music biz (totally SFW, btw).

sad to admit it, but the score is Hilary Duff 2, Bynes nil. Hilary Duff hits #1 on the Billboard charts.

stop the madness. seriously. this has gone too far. The Freep declares Wyandotte as their latest "cool city." downriver? egads. other than maybe Taylor-Tucky, I don't think you can scrape out another city with less buzz that Wyandotte.

hot unconfirmed rumour of the day. Courtney Love to honor Madonna at Thursday's VMAs in a musical tribute. what song will she do? i'd love to see Courtney Hole's version of "Borderline."

Marci X makes headlines with the lowest opening weekend gross in a wide major studio release ... EVER! well almost. according to Dave Poland, some movie called "A Dog Of Flanders" suffered an equally cruel fate in August of `99. and as I predicted last weekend, Kutcher has managed to lose all of his "Punk'd" buzz. the marketing campaign for "My Boss' Daughter" relied exclusively on Kutcher's "star power" and only managed to gross $5 mills this weekend. better than "Gigli", but STILL. where were the teens who are supposedly SO in love with Kutcher?

the RHCP and producer Rick Rubin walked into the studio with the intention of recording two songs for an upcoming greatest hits package. They walked out with 12 new songs. best.

wicked screensaver

dude! have you SEEN that wicked screensaver, brah? you just GOT to open up that file! it's, like, SO wicked!

so yeah, i got like 85 emails with the subject line of "Re: Wicked Screensaver" this morning. so many viruses up in this piece! my work computer is like totally effed and I'm downloading tons of security patches as I type this. i've got TONS of updates from one of the all-time best weekends evs, but I'm going to hit Starbreezy at lunch so I can get some photos of the weekend revealed here on whatevs.org. unfortch I was not able to get a camera into The Metro to capture any Liz pics. damn the man. more to follow later this aft, but here's a quick dose of PHCFYSB, bullet style:

• probably the best blog that I've read in a long, long time comes courtesy of The Anti-Blog Blogger. whoever the anonymous editor of the site is has devoted an entire blog to taking the piss on some of the more "famous" bloggers out there. you know, like Ultragrrrl, Miss Modernage, Jasper and Divestar. and you guessed it, whatevs.org made their list of "Blogs We Read ... And Then Goof On." will Uncle Grambo do something to merit the derisive scorn of The Anti-Blog Blogger? only time will tizz.

• Dirty McKean has posted pics of some of the antics that occured at this weekend's Radiohead show in East Troy, WI. you'll find drunken photos of FOWs such as Damore, Peabs, The Gorilla, C Friggs, Les / Cal (soon to be Les / Friggs if the rumours that I've heard are true!) and of course the Dirty one himself.

• rock over London, rock over Chicago. that song really whups a horse's ass. RIP Wesley Willis.

• now I've seen it all. some local guy named Albert Lowe is starting up a Michigan chapter of The Pink Pistols, a gay gun-rights group who's catchphrase is "Pick on someone your own caliber." no word on whether or not Harvey Fierstein is their equivalent of Charlton Heston (story via JP McKrengels).

• The Neptunes are so hott that Cameron Diaz, Johnny Knoxville, and Drea DeMatteo got turned away at the door of a recent party thrown at NYC's Pier 59 because there were already too many other celebs in attendance (story courtesy of Cashilini).

i leave you with this photo of Peabs. is he wasted? obvs.