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Friday, August 29, 2003
everybody loves white girls ... especially when they kiss
where were the couples?
calling the Oscar producers
siblings have no buzz
technical snafus killed some major buzz
all in all, this year's VMAs blew. outside of Coldplay, all of the musical performances were flat and lifeless. give Good Charlotte some points for actually being able to play their instruments, but take those points away for having songs that suck so much D. if it weren't for the Madge / Brit Brit / X-Tina threesome fueling months worth of masturbation material for millions of young men and women, this year's awards are completely forgettable. what does the barber say? NEXT!posted by uncle grambo |
posted by uncle grambo |
Thursday, August 28, 2003
hit my inbox just moments ago...
----------------- Hey there! I have another VMA spoiler for you. Apparently, tonight it will only be Britney performing "Like a Virgin" on top of a wedding cake. The addition to this saucy number will be none other than Madonna herself dressed as the groom and they get married, bride/groom kiss and all! Now this may be off the wall, but Lourdes may be the ring bearer. Tonight we will see who is correct. Hopefully this ads to your fun-filled day, I know it spiced up my morning when I found out! -GP Jenn
Hey there! I have another VMA spoiler for you. Apparently, tonight it will only be Britney performing "Like a Virgin" on top of a wedding cake. The addition to this saucy number will be none other than Madonna herself dressed as the groom and they get married, bride/groom kiss and all! Now this may be off the wall, but Lourdes may be the ring bearer. Tonight we will see who is correct. Hopefully this ads to your fun-filled day, I know it spiced up my morning when I found out!
so, as I was walking into the office at 7:25 am this morning, there stood none other than Bill Gates. there were bodyguard type dudes strategically placed around our parking lot. he was chatting with Rick Wagoner, chairman and CEO of General Motors. you don't see that everyday.
sorry for the problems with the backBlog over the last 30 hours or so. i've been in touch with the dude who runs the service and apparently he had to do a last-minute switcharoo with the servers that they use due to load issues. apologies for any slow load times that resulted (or will result). the issue will hopefully be fixed in the next day or so.
anyway, it's been a crazy day but i did discover a few noteworthy links to whet yo' appetizz ...
Wednesday, August 27, 2003
Maria Sharapova ... you makin' me crazy! did you SEE the outfit she was wearing at the US Open the other night? can't believe that she was rockin' the hardcore cameltoe, Fannypack style! (link via ILB, though he was too busy focusing on Jelena Dokic to even notice my girl Maria S. dude, Dokic is a skank! but I'm still waiting for my princess, Miss Ashley Harkleroad, to rock a hott outfit. developing...)
Dashboard gets Gigli'd as sales of the new record fall 60% in Week 2. eff Chris Carraba.
thanks to MTV, you heard it first. "Gay folk church music." yep, THAT'S going to be the biggest thing since Good Charlotte.
Slate.com's Virginia Heffernan thinks that someone should invent a drinking game to play during MTV's "Newlyweds" ... you know, I always had the suspicion that Jessica Simpson was a spoiled airhead, but who knew that a definition like that had seemingly endless boundaries? don't get me wrong, she's HILARIOUS to watch, but you gotta feel for that Rick dude who married her. oops, did I just do a Dax reset? my bad, yo. next thing you know, I'll be rockin' a Von Dutch trucker hat. i'm crashin' and burnin', Mav. i gotta bail.posted by uncle grambo |
"I feel like I'm dating Selma Blair and we both live in Sunnydale and we're going to see Phish at the Bronze tonight." local ad man and prime time FOW Nummer after the following was announced: Doner has won the $90 million ad account of amusement park company Six Flags.
Chillax: "To chill and relax concur-rently. This may sound redundant. Advice: It’s unwise to suggest any grammatical points of weakness to the tribe, as you run the risk of being shut out of further explanations of what the words actually mean. Also, chizzil." uh, wtf? according to Today's Parent, teens actually use this word. but then again, i s'pose it's not any weirder than "tigs" or "obvs" or "schmobvs", right? (link courtesy of T-Rob).
Gideon Yago drinks beers with Julian Casablancas and gets a sneak peek at "Room On Fire". buzz.
time to take the GRE and get back to school. 64.1% of J-schoolers are women. J-School = journalism. 64.1% = two girls for every dude. so much threesome potential! just bust out your Strunk & White and watch the ho's flock to your jock. obvs. (link via Romenesko).posted by uncle grambo |
scratch that rumour about Courtney Hole performing a tribute to Madonna on the VMAs tomorrow nizz. She cancelled her appearance after flipping out because $18,000 worth of hair extensions didn't turn out right. Her record label claims that she stepped on a nail (???) during a photo shoot and that's why she cancelled. meanwhile, Ed Norton is urging C. Love to get back into rehab, like pronto. poor Courtney. so effed in the head.
i know it's old news (anything published over 24 hours ago is ancient and already gathering dust), but for those who haven't heard by now, but The Strokes have a name for their new album. "Room On Fire" will be released on 10.20.03.
gotta love this guy. 31-year old Michigan resident Michael VanStrate was arrested after biting off someone's finger during a wedding reception. this same dude also smeared cake on a 9 year old boy and knocked out a 49 year old woman. Sparty On, dude!
Hot girls who like sports. totally SFW. this girl's favourite team is the Red Wings! he shoots, he scores!
note to all aspiring Katie Holmes stalkers out there. according to Joey Potter herself, "Nothing beats a great pair of Prada heels and expensive bottle of Pinot Grigio." so I guess that means that I gotta trash the Vans and the bottle of Boone's Farm that I've been saving for her. damn, yo.
Ultragrrrl cracks me up. like everyday.
The Village Voice throw some (mixed) praise at "The Battle Of Shaker Heights." Shia even gets called out as being "phenomenally convincing." let's just hope that it can maintain the $9,500 per screen average when it goes wide to ten cities this weekend.
and oh yeah, i forgot to tell y'all that I MET LIZ PHAIR !!! yep, after Monday night's show at St. Andrew's Hall. it was beautiful. priceless. words can't describe. still in awe. still drooling. still can't really believe that it happened. thanks to The Grizz and Mandypantalons, I managed to snag an autographed setlist that I'm planning on framing this weekend. so best. props out to the entire crew (too many to name) who represented for the sweatiest show evs. good times, good times. i'll get to posting a gallery of my blurry photos this wknd, but until then, here's another Liz pic for all y'all.
(UPDATE: Did anyone else hear Liz's "Why Can't I?" during The O.C. last night? I can't be sure if it actually happened or if I just imagined it did. I was kinda drifting in and out of sleep during the show. And how about that Dido video for "White Flag"? David Bananas revealed!)posted by uncle grambo |
watch out. The Detroit Tigers are the hottest team in baseball!* and oh yeah, eff you Dream Weaver. how does that demotion to the Yankees' Class A team taste?
"You, pompous, stuck-up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerp, scum-bag, fuck-face, dickhead, asshole!" Andy Roddick puts a straight set whuppin' on that cheeky Brit Tim Henman (UPDATE: No soup for Roddick ... that DB was sporting a trucker hat during the US Open last night! you'd think that Mandy Moore would've taught him better. apparently not. btw, props to the Information Leaf Blower for revealing this heinous buzz).
Real World Paris cast member Adam gets arrested for being hammered in public. TSG also reveals that Ace's real name is Clyde ... Clyde? like the fourth ghost in Ms. Pac-Man? durst.
the only reason that Em still gives Kim the time of day is because she's bisexual and always brings him home hotties, three-way style. and here I thought it was just all the left-over C! (link courtesy of K-Dizzy)
Charlize Theron and Penelope Cruz to play lesbian lovers on-screen. buzz. (link courtesy of JP McKrengels)
Glamorama celebrates its first year! congrats Kegzies!
ever sit around wondering what Noah Baumbach (writer/director of "Kicking And Screaming" and "Mr. Jealousy") is listening to these days? wonder no more.
and finally, HUGE props must go out to Big Matt and Ryan Sult of MotorCityRocks.com fame. aside from recently launching a blog that focuses solely on Detroit music, they also scored exclusive access to cover the making of a new documentary called "Detroit Punks." the press release describes the film as an attempt to answer the question of "How did Detroit get from the MC5, Iggy and the Stooges and Mitch Ryder all the way to the White Stripes, creating a 30-year gap when Detroit was off the musical map?" interview participants include Don Was, MC5, Elmore Leonard, The Detroit Cobras, The Go, Jim Diamond and more. the film is slated to debut at the Detroit Institute of Arts in July 2004.
* - Uh, they've actually only won two games in row ... but STILL! it's the Tigers, yo!posted by uncle grambo |
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
posted by uncle grambo |
I'm sure you've seen a lot of tech-savvy people smugly showing off that new hunk of entertainment hardware, the iPod personal stereo. Well, I might not have the scratch to get one, but frankly, I don't want the white-corded wonder. I have my very own iPod—in my mind.
I hear those little things carry up to a month's worth of music. Well, so does my mind. I can call up any song I've ever heard, any time I want. And I never have to load software or charge batteries. There are no firewire cords or docks to mess with. I just put my hands behind my head, lean back, and select a tune from the extensive music-library folder inside my brain.
Thirty gigabytes? So what? I know 7,500 songs, maybe more. Some songs, I forget I even have until they come around on shuffle. Why, just the other day, my mind started playing David Naughton's "Makin' It," a song I hadn't heard in years. And the sound quality was great!
Easy downloads? You don't know the meaning of the word "easy." And I don't have to know the meaning of the word "download." You may get MP3s off the Internet, you smug scenester, but I can get music off the television, the radio, even a passing ice-cream truck. If I don't want to waste the memory space on a high-fidelity copy, I just don't pay very close attention. Now, that's what I call convenience.
All I have to do is hear a song once or twice, and it's stored forever. I can call it up any time I want. Beach Boys. Beatles. How about some Bach? Or some Billy Joel? Sing me a song, piano man of my mind! And those are just the artists whose names begin with "B."
I can browse by artist, album, song, or music genre. Boom! I'm doing it right now! The "repeat" feature? Heck, songs from my iPod don't ever have to end. I swear, I had "Music Box Dancer" going through my head for three days straight last week.
You say those iPods have customizable playlists that allow you to line up songs of your choosing? Primitive! I can put together a playlist, say "Best-Ever Heavy Metal Anthems," while I'm sitting in traffic. My mind is light-years beyond that, though. Does your iPod have the "That Reminds Me Of Another Great Song" feature? Well, my mind does!
Does your iPod have a powerful feature that can play back the great songs of summer 1993, as they sounded coming out of Mike Tollefson's boombox in the back of the school bus? Of course not. That particular playlist is in my brain, which your pitiful iPod will never be able to autosync with.
But wait, you say that my iPod isn't wrapped up in a pretty little white case? Oh, I guess you haven't heard of a pretty little white case I like to call my skull. There's plenty of room for all of my contacts, too. Check this out: Paula, 398-9172, 195 Webster Place. Ha! Take that, Apple.
Sure, it doesn't hold all the music I've ever heard, but if I can't remember a song, it's usually not worth having anyway. Except, I'll admit, that one by The Tubes that I think was called "She's One In A Million Girls." The file somehow got corrupted with part of that J. Geils Band song about the centerfold. But every product has its bugs, right?
Even so, my mind has features your iPod will never have. Does your iPod have real-time remixing? No?! Well, if I don't like the original lyrics to Kansas' "Carry On Wayward Son"—zip, zip, zing—my mind can change them! Adding a cool bass line or a rocking keyboard flourish to any piece of music? No problem! Adding images of myself performing on stage with the band? Done!
Does your iPod turn you from just another bus-rider into a lonely figure finding his way down Baker Street? Guess what? My mind can! And it does it all with no moving parts, man. None. 'Cause it's my mind.
(Article reprinted from this week's edition of The Onion)posted by uncle grambo |
just a few of the highlights from the last couple of days ... off to a meeting downtown, I'll be back later this afternoon.
posted by uncle grambo |
Monday, August 25, 2003
JANEANE GAROFALO IS NOW A BLONDE!
(EDITOR'S NOTE: Entry inspired by Miss Modernage's Janeane is thin post from the other day)posted by uncle grambo |
despite these artists' massive worldwide popularity, somehow these releases have been gathering dust in the hands of the major labels. thank you to Worth 1000 for finally revealing them for the entire world to see!
(link revealed by Coolfer)posted by uncle grambo |
whatevs.org apparently has a tribute band. check out The Whatevs over on whatev.org. wonder if they cover my famous renditions of "Ode To Bynes", "Come Over and Sit On Your Uncle's Lap" and "(I Wanna Love You) Daily and Knightley" ...
can't be any worse than Jesse Camp's record deal ... or can it?
Kylie's got some new competition from Nadine Coyle for the best arse in the music biz (totally SFW, btw).
sad to admit it, but the score is Hilary Duff 2, Bynes nil. Hilary Duff hits #1 on the Billboard charts.
stop the madness. seriously. this has gone too far. The Freep declares Wyandotte as their latest "cool city." downriver? egads. other than maybe Taylor-Tucky, I don't think you can scrape out another city with less buzz that Wyandotte.
hot unconfirmed rumour of the day. Courtney Love to honor Madonna at Thursday's VMAs in a musical tribute. what song will she do? i'd love to see Courtney Hole's version of "Borderline."
Marci X makes headlines with the lowest opening weekend gross in a wide major studio release ... EVER! well almost. according to Dave Poland, some movie called "A Dog Of Flanders" suffered an equally cruel fate in August of `99. and as I predicted last weekend, Kutcher has managed to lose all of his "Punk'd" buzz. the marketing campaign for "My Boss' Daughter" relied exclusively on Kutcher's "star power" and only managed to gross $5 mills this weekend. better than "Gigli", but STILL. where were the teens who are supposedly SO in love with Kutcher?
the RHCP and producer Rick Rubin walked into the studio with the intention of recording two songs for an upcoming greatest hits package. They walked out with 12 new songs. best.
Derek Jeter and Lil Kim have a breakdance fight. well, not really. but they did get in a battle while bidding on a caricature of Yankees catcher Jorge Posada. Jeter won and celebrated with a victory dance to Lil Kim's "Magic Stick" ... swear!posted by uncle grambo |
dude! have you SEEN that wicked screensaver, brah? you just GOT to open up that file! it's, like, SO wicked!
so yeah, i got like 85 emails with the subject line of "Re: Wicked Screensaver" this morning. so many viruses up in this piece! my work computer is like totally effed and I'm downloading tons of security patches as I type this. i've got TONS of updates from one of the all-time best weekends evs, but I'm going to hit Starbreezy at lunch so I can get some photos of the weekend revealed here on whatevs.org. unfortch I was not able to get a camera into The Metro to capture any Liz pics. damn the man. more to follow later this aft, but here's a quick dose of PHCFYSB, bullet style:
i leave you with this photo of Peabs. is he wasted? obvs.
posted by uncle grambo |