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Friday, June 11, 2004
Just a couple more and I'm out like The Mailman's knee.
Page 6 Has an unintentional blind item today. On the new Beasties album they call out some rapper for copying them -- problem is the crackerjack crew at Da Post can only speculate that it's durst Durst or Kid "My Dad owns a car dealership" Rock. Of course that didn't stop them from smacking a big picture of The Kid on the story.
English cops are "encouraging" soccer hooligans to smoke down before games to mellow them out. Nothing like getting a guy with 14 pints of lager in him a doobie, hope they've got lots of puke mops.
How do you spell best evs?
Check out this new song from the movie soundtrack. (thanks be to stereogum)
This just in, Rick Moranis torn to shreds by wolves.
No, not really.
I'm just kidding.
He's still fine.
As far as I know.
Hey Pete I heard there's an opening for Minster of Creepy Tall Guys who Dance Funny that might just have someone we both know's name on it!
I suspect he'll campign on an early warning detection system for spontaneously combusting beds.
Obvs.posted by The Gorilla |
Ray Charles is dead.
What I Say? is one of the most innovative songs in the American song book -- flat out, the guy is a legend. Since I heard about his passing yesterday I've been trying to find the mid 90's commercial Ray did for the French car company, Citroen -- in which, obvs, he was driving by himself. It's so best because during his 20 year horse habit, he allegedly would badger his drivers into letting him drive, if anyone has the spot please drop The Gorilla a line. Also got to love that the first celebrity they went to for a comment was Stevie Wonder.
DB reporter: "Hey Stevie, you're black, blind and sing, what do you think about Ray Charles's death?"
Stevie: "I'm black?"
Crazy rumor I heard yesterday: Dude Rick Moranis was hit by train!
Really, I hadn't heard that.
Yeah, the train engineer saw him walking in the middle of the tracks and couldn't stop and totally took him out.
I don't think so, I haven't heard that one yet.
NO, DUDE. IT. TOTALLY. HAPPENED. It's a big time disaster.
I think you're thinking of Honey I Blew Up the Kid
At press time, Rick Moranis was still alive and apparently kind of a jerk.
Token teen starlet story. Lindsay Lohan may star in I Dream of Jeanie movie.
In other news, Larry Hagman nearly achieved an erection.
What can I say about The Ston's putting the big hurt on the No Shows from Hollywon't (DAMN THAT'S CLEVER YO!)? Only that Rene Zellweger, Vince Neil and Paul Rosenberg were all at the Palace last night for the 20pt victory!!!
Who the hell is Paul Rosenberg? Oh, Slim Shady's manager and he got Em the tickets for the game and decided to keep one for himself, because you know, HE DID PAY FOR THEM. Because of that The Freep decided they should put his name in the paper. Yeah, PAUL EFFIN' ROESENBERG IN THE MUTHA EFFING HOUSE YO!!
You can keep Jack, we got Rosenberg bitches.
Mozzelbovs.posted by The Gorilla |
while few would disagree with the statement that Detroit has a thriving music scene, few would also disagree (albeit off the record) that the scene has become a little too insular. while your Uncle Grambo likes hard driving, blues-influenced (White Stripes influenced?) rock and roll as much as the next cat, those bands and that sound have started to wear on me a little bit. this is most likely because my personal preferences have always tended to gravitate more towards melodic, power pop type acts. i love bands who write lyrically complex songs and are able frame them in catchy-as-all-get-out structures ... and fortunately for your UG and the FOW Nation, a long-time local fave has re-emerged on the scene with their all-time best work.
that's right, Rochester Hills natives The Prime Ministers are storming the scene with the release of their first full-length LP. Entitled "The Prime Ministers Go For Glory", the record features 10 stand-out tracks primed and ready to play with the windows down and the volume cranked. while the band has written some gems over the years ("Oh Rock!", "Ron Wood", "Make Me Your Mission"), this album is their most cohesive and consistent work to date. long-time live faves like "Makin' Up" and "Hall Of Fame" bustle and crackle just that much more with the full-on studio treatment, and songs like "Summer Shoulders" and "Sunday Volume" show that lead singer / songwriter / guitarist Todd Wicks' skills have never been more honed or focused. but the album's real stand-out is "Bored Again Kristin", a truly DYNAMIC pop song that's one of those "catchy-as-all-get-out" type of tunes I mentioned above, but also with some of the slyest wordplay that I've ever heard in a pop song. whatevs.org is proud to present this limited edition free mp3 of The Prime Ministers' "Bored-Again Kristin" for your enjoyment:
catch the band at this weekend's record release party, taking place Saturday night at the world-famous WAB. your Uncle would be there rockin' out with you, but I'm off for a weekend of debauchery in VEGAS, baby, VEGAS! The Gorilla has once again graciously offered to take care of the content today; obvs, best guest commentator evs. have a fun weekend, I'll be back with reports of the madness on Monday. until then, keep your fizz on the ground and keep bovsing on someone's effing tees. HOLLA!
seacrest out!posted by uncle grambo |
Thursday, June 10, 2004
Uncle Grambo and I have been taking some crap lately on the back blog about how we are narrow minded liberals merely aping the broad talking points of the democratic party. That's of course ridiculous, I've often pointed out that a system based on a bi-lateral legislature is inherently undemocratic and merely results in a stagnant two party travishamockery. But in the interest of equal time I've decided to give the FOWs a cornucopia of politically minded links.
Blacks for Bush Never have I seen such a blatant misuse of the word "for".
Log Cabin Republicans Hey what do these guys do? Go camping? Build rustic summer homes in the woods? What? Oh, they have sex with dudes.
You don't say.
Honestly, I didn't see that coming. I guess it could be guys with commitment issues. You know, they want to keep gay marriage illegal so they don't have to get tied down. I'm sure a few straight guys would vote GOP if they could outlaw straight marriage, BUT NOT ME WIFE, I LOVE ME SOME MARRIAGE! According to these guys 25% of gays voted for Bush in 2000.
Gay Republicans, that's who.
The Pot Party Now I know what you are thinking, but these guys have a lot to offer on a myriad array of issues. Legalization of drugs... ummm... FDA regulation of flavored rolling papers... why sleeping in late shouldn't get you fired. All sorts of shit. Dude and they're totally for peace, cause war is a serious buzz KILL!
Douche bags for Kerry Seriously, this site is boring. HEY DB, why not just say you're voting for Kerry cause you hate Bush. OH NO, I GOTTA HAVE A BIG ASS WEB SITE!!
The Libertarian National Socialist Green Party Say what now? Okay, I think I've been pretty impartial so far... but you're telling me you're a Tree Hugging Nazi that favors the decriminalization of drugs and guns? Doesn't exactly roll of the tongue there Adolph.
The Pansexual Peace Party Something about Wicca, sex and peace. Why not join the Pot Party and call it day. NEXT.
American Communist Party Man these guys sell some neat shit on the web site. It makes me want to just buy buy buy. What? Irony? Hey look a communist travel mug!!!!!
Psychedelic Republicans DUDE! I MEAN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE! Seriously, have you guys thought about joining the Pot Party!
All right, that's about enough to choke a donkey, or elephant as the case may be, don't forget to rock the vote Tabitha Soren stizz.posted by The Gorilla |
Everyone around the D is going off on Jimmy Kimmel for saying, "Besides the fact I'm a Lakers fan, I realize they're going to burn the city of Detroit down if the Pistons win," on game 2's half time show.
Word on morning radio is that the comment is going to cost Jimmy with Detroit's ABC affiliate, and that he'll be bumped to extreme late night or not be on at all. To me that seems a little extreme, I'm sure he'll get the message, but the real problem is that it's just a weak joke.
Shit dog, it’s the only city in the US that can out riot Detroit. Have you ever heard of Watts, Kimmel? They started a riot in 1968 that only went briefly on hiatus to participate in the Rodney King ’92 riot.
But then again they never have riots over sporting events.
Oh wait, they do every effin’ time the Lakers win a championship, which is every god damn year.
Pissing on the D is one thing, but poor joke construction is why he’s about to be replaced by spray-on hair infomercials.
UPDATE FROM DEFAMER, KIMMEL EPISODE GETS YANKED. Developing!posted by The Gorilla |
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
yep, Kobe pretty much bent over the entire city of Detroit last night, as The Lakers pulled out a Game 2 victory in OT. and people around here are PISSED; the airwaves of WDFN were pretty much swarmed with angry callers for the last 10 hours or so, most of whom are questioning why The Pistons didn't foul Shaq in the closing seconds and / or bashing Rasheed for disappearing in the 4th Quarter. after the game, your Uncle Grambo sat on his couch in disbelief ... how did my beloved `Stons let a 6-point lead slip away in the last 48 seconds of the game? when a team falls apart in that amount of time, the blame has to fall on the coach. Phillip just plain outclassed L. Brown in the last few minutes of the game, especially in the realm of player substitutions (Luke Walton and Derek Fisher came up with some big plays in the closing minutes). howevs, look for my boys in the red, white and blue to come out with passion and energy when they hit the hardwood of The Palace on Thursday night ... HOLLA!
this is the punishment you get for being
J. Lo is a J. Ho. word has it that her quickie marriage to Marc Anthony was of the shotgun variety, as Miss Lopez is all knocked up and shit. no buzz.
you just KNOW that whole trucker hat thing has gone too far when Brit Brit insists on wearing one while running on the treadmill.
Bush and Kerry ... long lost brothers? [via Peabs]
the saga is finally over. Charley The Singing Opera Hot Dog Man will be allowed to sing at upcoming Tigers home games. howevs, there is a condition ... he can only sing once a game! apparently, they're going to pimp Charley out and tailor the famed "Hot Dog Row" promotion around him.
finally, to all my conservative brethren who were offended by my last post, your Uncle Grambo offers up this olive branch. hopefully now we can all be friends again ... bovs.
* - Uncle Grambo is hereby waived from all responsiblity from the impending onset of migraine headaches that are likely to occur after viewing said website. Other side effects that may arise after viewing this atrocity include nausea, diarrhea and bursting into spontaneous renditions of Limp Bizkit's version of "Behind Blue Eyes" ... obvs.posted by uncle grambo |
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
you know, leave it to the morally devoid Bush administration to turn a state funeral into a Republican political rally. DRUDGE is reporting that both Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter have been left off the list of speakers for President Reagan's funeral on Friday afternoon. while your Uncle Grambo tries to avoid going out on too many political limbs (largely because I don't know what the eff I'm talking about), I find it utterly reprehensible that people can be so devious as to turn a funeral into a partisan affair. those in charge of organizing President Nixon's funeral back in 1994 were wise enough not to make the same gaffe; they invited Clinton to eulogize our nation's 37th president. and seriously, what in the FOOK are Margaret Thatcher and Brian Mulroney doing on the speaker list? i guess instead of using the opportunity to honor and celebrate this man's life, instead it will be a Tribute To Conservatism ... some say worst tribute ever. and while it's unclear to your Uncle exactly WHO is in charge of arranging the list of speakers for the funeral, I blame the Bush administration. you just KNOW that their dirty, greasy fingerprints are all over this travesty.
oh well, at least there's ONE list that was released recently that we can all agree with, and that's the list of people who will sing the National Anthem when the NBA Finals hits The D™ this weekend. Anita Baker, Kid Rock and Aretha Franklin will represent Motown in Games 3, 4 and 5, respectively. Let's just hope that the Lakers have someone better on tap tonight than Dick Van Durst, who sang at Game 1! WORST RENDITION EVS!
talk about the passion!
in a touching yet worst ever nod to Morgan Spurlock, some douchebag spends a week gathering his news ONLY from blogs. unlike Spurlock, whose weight and cholesterol levels soared to dangerous levels after subsisting solely on fast food for a month, Steve Rubel found himself with a wardrobe fulla Ben Sherman, 300 megs worth of Franz Ferdinand bootlegs, and a brand new liver (he ruined his original through drinking Maker's obsessively and excessively whilst at Piano's) after a week of blog consumption. blogs ... so durst!
note to self: avoid those crazed Birmingham carnies next year. Carnival worker arrested in Birmingham to face murder charges in Minnesota. freak out, indeed!
dude, whatever happened to Shia LaBest?!? other than the "Freaks and Geeks" DVD box set (which revealed him as the original guy who played The Norseman), this weekend's MTV Movie Awards are like his first public appearance since "Greenlight", yo. "Shaker Heights" ... no buzz. not even for Beeney.
Charley The Opera Singing Hot Dog Guy just refuses to go away. aside from ANOTHER story in The Freep (perilously close to beating off a dead horse territory), Coach Glinka reports that Jim Rome mentioned him today. heh heh, "beating off a dead horse" ... sometimes I'm so clever it hurts. too bad this isn't one of those times.
finally, today's the day we've all been waiting for. yep, "Who's The Boss: Season One" has been revealed on DVD. some say best DVD release since "Punky Brewster: Season One", yo. make fun of it all you want, but just try and tell me that your punk ass wasn't firmly planted on your parents couch on Tuesday nights back in 1984! from the very opening credits (remember Tony's glorious, graceful slow motion headfirst slide into home plate?), you knew that each week was going to deliver sly sexual double entendres (courtesy of Mona, natch) and plenty o' belly laughs. and the sexual tension between Tony and Angela set the stage for a little show I like to call "Moonlighting", yo. to top it all off, an entire generation got their first experience with LUST when Alyssa Milano entered our conciousness; the whole idea of "puppy love" was pretty much wiped from existence after I had my first glimpse of Samantha Micelli. but when it comes to praising one of my all-time fave TV shows, I'll leave the final honors to the elegant grace of supermanfan27 of Pembroke Pines, FL:
posted by uncle grambo |
while I abhor seeing Karen O Camel Toe everytime I browse the local magazine section (why Spin, why!?!), I'm kinda geeked for the Yeah Yeah Yeah's performance of "Maps" on Thursday night's MTV Movie Awards. check this photo out ... it reminds me of Hole's "Celebrity Skin" tour, when they rained glitter from the ceiling during "Heaven Tonight" ... mmmmBEST!
other than that, though, the show has zero effing buzz. anyone else out there understand why they don't broadcast this bitch live? you know, like they do with the music awards. knowing all of the results and the kooky actions that take place (ooh, look ... Paris Hilton kisses Carmen Electra! SNOOZEFEST `99!) takes away from the fun of watching it live. i'd rather watch Nick Lachey bench pressing than see Adam Sandler give another "crazy" acceptance speech
note to self: must import more British girls to spend their summers in Michigan. "But Uncle Grambo, why on earth would you ever do that?", you ask. the answer is obvs, you simple-minded plebes. When the temperature hits 84 degrees Farenheit, the birds pop their tops (NSFW, natch). temperature here today? 90 Fº. BOVS!
M. Hudson Hawk contributes a special column to today's Detroit News focusing on how Detroit culture has influenced the city of Los Angeles. yeah, that's right all you West Coast punk asses, you owe it all to US! fear the fro!
Monday, June 07, 2004
yep, everywhere you go for the next four or five days, you'll likely be hearing people reminiscence about the legacy left behind in the wake of the death of one of the more important people in history. obvs I'm talking about renowned circus juggler extraordinaire Francis Brunn, who passed on after complications with heart surgery at age 81. according to the obit in the NYT, he didn't even care that he was often described as one of the half-dozen best jugglers in the world! imagine that, being one of the BEST HALF-DOZEN JUGGLERS IN THE WORLD and not even caring about it! that's the kind of lust for life that only Iggy Pop can truly appreciate, bovs. after conquering juggling a dozen items at once, this pimp ass muthafucka REINVIGORATED the sport by juggling get this ONLY ONE FREAKING BALL AT A TIME! when asked about this act of austere yet demanding minimalism, Brunn was quoted as saying "It sounds like nothing, but it is quite difficult to do properly." ain't that the truth, yo? um, er, not so much. JUGGLING ONE BALL GETS A FEATURE OBIT IN THE FREAKING NY TIMES? what kind of world are we living in?!? WORST DEATH EVER!!!
oh yeah, I heard that someone else semi-famous also died this weekend. Slate eulogizes him as "The Man Who Ruined Republicans" ... hey Slate, it's one thing to be critical of the man, but it's another to completely shit on his memory. couldn't your team have thought of a more appropriate headline? no buzz for you, you effing handjobs.
Estella Warren must now ALWAYS be referred to as the Best Girlfriend Ever. while performing a lapdance for boyfriend Peter Berg at Scores the other night, she popped her top at the strip club and went to town! bovs all over THOSE effing tees, natch!
best sub-head of a Mitch Albom columnn ever: Pistons' 'D' makes opening statement.
Brit Brit films a SEXY commersh for Starburst. mmmmmmBEST!
and finally, Glamorama bites the dust as Kegzies turn his attention to other outlets. though whatevs (dot org) and Glamorama at times teetered on the precipice of all-out war, your Uncle Grambo has always respected and enjoyed the work that Kegzies turned out. good show, ole chap ... your tees will be posthumously bovs'd on. shmears.posted by uncle grambo |
over the years, I've been fortunate enough to have attended a fair number of ridiculously best ever concerts. naturally, a few of them are particularily memorable and stand out above the rest. Springsteen at The CoPa (`03), The Verve at Saint Andrews (`95), Oasis at Saint Andrews (`94), Queens Of The Stone Age at The Shelter (`02), Oakenfold at Coachella (`00) ... these shows always seem to bubble up whenever I think of the the best concerts I've ever seen. and while I'm liable to get mocked endlessly for admitting this, last night's Dido performance at Detroit's historic Fox Theater has earned a place near the top of that list. for REALS.
the night began in low-key fashion with a couple of pints of The Hoe down at the world renowned Town Pump Tavern. after taking a well-deserved afternoon nap, your Uncle Grambo met up pre-show stizz with The Grizz, Mandypantalons, Damore, Seantizz, Nummer and GP Jenn; everyone seemed a little subdued, which kind of makes sense because Sunday evening events are quite rare (last time was The Darkness show back in March). in addish, people's thoughts were kind of elsewhere, what with the NBA Finals and the season finale of "The Sopranos" to think about. with a mild sense of anticipation, we made our way over to the theater around 8:30 or so.
after grabbing a slice of Ilitch Family Pizza Pie, we headed up to Damore's corporate suite at the Fox. there was some skullduggery revealed in order to gain Uncle Grambo access behind the velvet ropes, but that hottness is best left to your imagination. shmears. anyhoozle, the curtain opened a little after 9pm and the capacity crowd quickly fell under the spell of Florian Cloud de Bounevialle Armstrong (aka Dido). with an epic, percussion-filled instrumental intro, she emerged from the wings to wild applause and then rapturous silence as she sung "When you're stoned, baby / And I am drunk / When we make love it feels a little desolate", the opening verse to "Stoned", track two off her Grahammy winning-album "Life For Rent" ... I know it's an overblown cliché, but I swear to Jer that you could've heard a pin drop in the place at that point. everyone was INSTANTLY bowled over with her beauty, grace and magnificently feminine and powerful voice. her soaring vox and engaging stage banter were the perfect antidote to the still-fresh memories of the Auburn Hills back-alley abortion clinic that was Brit Brit's Onyx Whore-Tel concert.
honestly, every movement and note that she hit the entire night was captivating, so much so that I got "the chills" on no less than three separate occasions ... that shit hasn't happened to me since I saw Springsteen perform "The River" with the E-Street Band back on the first leg of the reunion tour! highlights of the evening had to have been her stirring, solo acoustic version of "Mary's In India" (prefaced by an admission that "if this story was true, I'd be a real bitch"), "See You When You're 40", "Sand In My Shoes" (punctuated by her description of the song as being about "dodgy holiday flings" ... DODGY?!? so best!), and of course "Thank You", the song that broke her here in The States (btw, Damore makes a convincing argument that "Eminem wouldn't be SHIT without Dido!"). there was also a thunderous, percussion-laden number called "Take My Hand" that I guarantee was hotter than anything thrown down at this year's Movement Festival. shmears. i'm going on the hunt for import singles to round out my collection as I type. and her repeated mentions of The Pistons game certainly didn't hurt her effort to sweep the audience off their collective feet; she repeatedly and graciously thanked the crowd of 2,000 people skipped the first half of the game to watch her perform. while this may sound like a blatant attempt at pandering to the crowd, trust you me that NOTHING in her voice or body language conveyed any false emotional buzz. SO hott and SO best.
honestly, every single person in the Fox Theater last night walked out of the building wearing the same blissed-out happy expression from witnessing nearly two hours of musical manna. it was quite possibly the most perfect Sunday evening concert of all-time, and without a doubt in the Top Five Shows i've ever seen in my life. and not only because I want to marry Dido and have, like, ten thousand of her babies ... although that's definitely part of it. her stage presence, lithe movements and drop dead best ever English accent make her, without a doubt, the most sultry, alluring woman I've ever seen take the stage. move over Liz Phair, there's a new dream woman in Uncle Grambo's life, and her name is Dido ... so much hotter than Karen O. obvs.posted by uncle grambo |