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Friday, June 24, 2005
Is it just moi or is The Freep's editorial cartoonist, Mike Thompson, clearly channeling The Garbage Pail Kids (first series, natch) with today's rendering of Big Ben Wallace as Adam Bomb (or is it Blasted Billy)? Your Uncle Grambo applauds the GPK reset, even if attributing last night's loss to B-B-B-Ben Wallace is a tad bit unfair. But I understand why Thompson made the editorial choice to explode the mystique of the once-feared `Fro; after all, that grey patch Sheed rocks isn't nearly as iconic.
From the onset of the game, The Pistons' nerves were bundled as tightly as our only All-Star's cornrows. While it certainly didn't help matters much that the zebras suddenly decided to change the way they had ref'd the entire series during last night's first half, the game was tied after 24 minutes and the `Stons burst out to an early 9 point lead in the third quarter. At that point, the game was theirs for the taking. Unfortunately, it was at this very same point that Tim Duncan realized it was make or break for both his team and his legacy. Like other three-time NBA Finals MVPs before him (Magic, Michael, Shaq-Fu), he put the team on his back and started straight up DOMINATING. It was all over but the crying at that point, folks.
But hey, it was an amazing season (if not an amazing series). The Pistons fought (at times, literally) through a minefield of difficulties and distractions from Day One back in Shocktober and made it within 12 minutes of winning the whole kit and caboodle. Much like L. Brown was famously quoted as saying during the fourth quarter of Game 6, I love these guys. I'm proud of how well they continue to rep The D™ and entirely confident that they'll remain among the NBA Elite for at least one more year -- with or without L. Brown.
This joke isn't funny anymore. Gawker reports that Tom Cruise flipped out on Matt Lauer this morning, engaging in verbal fisticuffs over international issues of ONLY the utmost importance. For example, did YOU, kind reader, "know that Ritalin is a street drug"? Tom Cruise does! You see, he KNOWS these things. Like, he's read Aldous Huxley and shit ... have you, Matt Lauer, HAVE YOU!?!? Ah yes, `tis good to see that America's favorite toothy, Oscar-less, multimillionaire mo-mo has his eye on the ball and his finger on the pulse of what's truly important in our world today ritalin abuse. Fortch for us all, You Can't Make It Up puts it all in the proper context.
Michelle Wie ... some say the next Jamie Chung.
Speaking of sexy athletes, peace the fork out to "Randy" Brandi Chastain. No, she didn't die in the traditional sense, but she's almost certainly got a wicked case of emotional rigor mortis caused by extreme embarrassment. She got involuntarily cut from the US Women's National Soccer Team. We'll always have the top popping, Brandi ... that and the infamous Gear layout. Believe me when I say that your tight abs and perky B-cups more than made up for your hardcore manface. Bovs.
The New York Post is right. This is total bullshit. Although, don't go colorin' your Uncle Grambo surprised that the almighty dolla dolla y'all won out over ethics. What pisses me off is the way that Starbuckers Incorporated hid behind the "indecency" flag when they decided not to stock the latest from The Boss. Boldface lies, I tellz ya, boldface lies.
Memo to all the girls out there. Yeah, even you, Miss "I've Got Great Gams". I'm sick and effing tired of this new trend where chicks rock above-the-knee skirts with flats. Don't you realize dudes think that it makes your legs look all stumpy and shazz, even if you've got nice stems? The lone exception are those little princess-y, rhinestoned ballerina slipper things ... I like those. But other than that, you should ALWAYS rock a moderate heel with a shorter skirt. So Sayeth The Uncle. Bow!
I know it's the very definition of "old news" by now, but I'm really surprised that no one at the NY Times got fired over this article. Didn't someone at Details get fired for something similar a few years back with that whole "Gay Or A Fashion Designer" thing? At least THAT was (sorta) funny. This was just plain offensive. Yuck.
Vote today for the best sneakers of all-time. I had a pair of 26 Red sneaks circa 1994 that were the very definition of tatters, but they're nowhere to be found on The Internerd™. Dayum.
Finally, I would be remiss if I didn't drop a little Saskia science on yo asses before I took off for the day. What's that you say, you never done heard of Saskia Howard Clarke? She's the chesty bird from the British version of "Big Brother 6" who is prompting the entire UK to collectively shout, "Jordan who?" Her reported GGG cups make Elizabreast Hasselbeck's Hasselbombs look about as appealing as Teri Hatcher's floppy flapjacks, "Heaven's Prisoners" stizz. Keep your eyes peeled on The Sun and the Superior Pics Message Board for more screencap madness of the Bustiest British Broad since Samantha Fox. Bovs all over your crumpets, you filthy limey guv'nors!
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Tied after three quarters. I'm not sure my heart can take another quarter. So best. Yet so worst.
Second quarter observations:
Okay, phew, halftime. Pistons are up 1 at halftime? Some say a miracle, especially considering Chauncey went 1-3 for four points in only 8 minutes. And how many halves this year did Rip for 4-12? Not many. I like where we sit after 24 minutes, although your Uncle Grambo is pretty much scared shitless at this point. Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue. To keep my mind off the game, here's some long overdue PHC.
More celebrity tatts than you can shake a stick at. NSFW (robvs). Your Uncle Grambo has ALWAYS been a big fan of Amanda Peet's rack, but I preferred her "Igby" topless scenes to "The Whole Nine Yards" ...
Kelly Ripa may or may not be a Lollipop Head, but there's no denying that she's looks bananaz in a bikini.
Okay, game's back on. Chauncey just picked up his third and Rasheed just picked up his fourth. And we're only 51 seconds into the third quarter. Fucking fuck.posted by Uncle Grambo |
Here's hoping Q2 goes better. For those of you out there like me, here's a Pammy Anderson NSFW nip slip to calm your frazzled nerves.
By now I'm sure you've noticed that your Uncle Grambo has been unable to blog for the last few days due to some hellaciously bizz circumstances in both my personal and professional lives. Saw "Land Of The Dead", watched Game 6, drank some extra curricular liqs with Foxy Jess, tweaked some creative at the last-minute on a big new product launch, got hammered on Sidecars and Haribo bears ... you know, the typical week in the life of a superstar Detroit blogger.
My apologies, I'm going to try and have a few posts up before tonight's game. Who knows, there may even be some blissful post-victory blogging going down late night stizz! Or perhaps some teary tirades. It all depends on the outcome of tonight's Game 7. I know T-Muffle will be watching, will you? If the fates smile upon the denizens of The D™, then both Manwurst and Tim "The Alamo-mo" Duncan't will have a nasty slip and fall accident in the pool of Proactiv solution that collects beneath Gregg "Pizza Face" Poppodurst's chair during games. Marsbars.
Until then, here's a pic from Saturday night of Damore and The Chipple Girl. More eks to follow l8s. Go `Stons!
Monday, June 20, 2005
Well, at least he didn't pull a Cedric Ceballos and go AWOL, Lake Havasu stizz! But seriously Darko, aren't there better ways to prepare for an NBA Finals game than tooling around an E Coli infested lake on a Sea-Doo? Two eagle eyed FOWs, Hungry Like The Wolf and GK Vibe, spotted the 7-foot pine brother outside of Jack's Waterfront in St. Clair Shores on Saturday afternoon ... they sent along these snaps to preserve the hottness for everyone. Let's just hope that the former #2 draft pick didn't decide to spend last night operating a paddleboat off San Antonio's famed Riverwalk. Marzipan.
Although things are looking grim at this point, you KNOW your Uncle Grambo is gonna be up til the breaka breaka dawn this evening rooting the Pistons on. That is, after we get home from a hott "Land Of The Dead" screening @ Star Southfield. Bring it on!