whatevs.org presents...

"SNL - SEASON 31 REVEALED"

by Nummer and H-Bomb

Episode 6: Eva Longoria / Korn (11/19/05)

CONEY RATING SYSTEM
= John Belushi
= Amy Poehler
= Tim Meadows
= Melanie Hutzel
= Charles Rocket
= Self-Explanatory

0-10 Coneys – Garbage
11-20 Coneys – Needs Improvement
21-30 Coneys – Average
31-40 Coneys – Above Average
41-50 Coneys - Instant Classic
51+ Coneys - Unparalleled Comic Genius

OAD = Original Air Date*

(*To be fair, coneys will be awarded the same as they were the first time they aired)

Like last week’s Jason Lee episode, tonight’s SNL benefited from a significant decrease in recurring sketches. Apart from the George W. Bush cold opening and another go around with The Needlers, the cast and crew were given plenty of time to air out new material and thanks to Bill Hader and host Eva Longoria, it worked.

The biggest surprise tonight was Eva. I was not expecting her to be in 9 total segments, let alone get the strongest laugh in one of them. Her performance of “Ms. Drama Martinez” in Keenan’s “MTV4 Deep House Dish” sketch turned what could have been its weakest moment into the funniest. She also did a good job with Teri Hatcher and Lucille Ball impressions throughout the show.

Hader also stepped up tonight with an excellent Vincent Price sketch, a Peter Gallagher impression and DJ Frontal Assault (also from the MTV Deep House Dish sketch). If anything has become apparent since October, it is that Sudeikis and Hader could run this show themselves. Great off season pickup Lorne!

In just her second episode, Wiig also proved Lorne isn’t off his rocker just yet. Wiig turned in two solid impressions tonight of Judy Garland and Megan Mullally. I think she has already logged more face time than Andy Samberg too. Guess that is what happens when you can do more than play smirking teenagers.

Bill Hader is fucking awesome. He has been consistently funny since his season premiere debut and this week’s show was no exception. In fact, he only seems to gain momentum with each passing episode. This Saturday he cranked out an unbelievable impersonation of Vincent Price in what was by far the best sketch, Vincent Price’s Thanksgiving Special 1958. We were not only treated to the forever creepy side of Price, but also got a hilarious glimpse of Price’s frustrated demeanor as shown when Judy Garland (Wiig) turned up stumbling drunk and Dezi Arnez (Armisen) and Lucille Ball (Longoria) arrived with plantains instead of the pumpkin pie that Price was expecting. Totally best.

In addition to Vincent Price, Hader also appeared in several other skits with characters ranging from Peter Gallagher in The Spammies to D.J. Frontal Assault in Deep House Dish (“No surpriiiiise! Jake Gyllenhaal.”) He has single-handedly given me a new reason to watch the show and I couldn’t be happier that he’s getting the airtime he deserves.

Newcomer Kristen Wiig also demonstrated her remarkable knack at impressions, imitating both Megan Mullally (The Spammies) and Judy Garland (Vincent Price’s Thanksgiving Special) to a tee. She’s quickly becoming someone I’m looking forward to seeing more of in the future.

I was pleasantly surprised to see Longoria pull off some decent performances as this week’s host. True, her monologue and the Desperate Housewives skit were about what I expected initially, but I actually got some real laughs out of her Ms. Drama Martinez character from Deep House Dish with the song “At the Club,” (“Thursday, I ate a bad fish sandwich, but Thursday night I was at the club.”) Her Lucille Ball impression in the Vincent Price skit was also rather impressive. Overall, she was able to prove me wrong about her role in this week’s episode and show that she could, indeed, carry a decent show.

: Finesse’s R Kelly sketch. Worst! The only thing more frustrating than why so many late 1990s veterans are still on the show, is Lorne’s promotion of Finesse Mitchell. A quick count shows he has been funny twice since his 2003 debut. Rob Riggle and Jeff Richards have to be howling at the moon knowing he made the cut and they didn’t.

On the music side, ANOTHER musical guest has played an old song this season. For their second performance tonight, Korn dipped back to 1998’s “Freak on a Leash”. While I do like this song and gave it 3 coneys (hard to deny a naked lady mic stand), I have to say I’m not a fan of this season’s trend to continually pull this move. It may not been as bad as Sheryl Crow, but c’mon!

Week after week, the cold openers continue to bore and disappoint me and unfortunately, my tune didn’t change with this episode. I’m sorry, but I am so tired of Forte’s President Bush skits. I love you Forte, but seriously, this bit needs a rest. Perhaps, I should be glad that the mediocre political material as of late has been limited to just the beginning sketch, but I really wouldn’t mind seeing something different every once in a while.

Sadly, we were also subjected to yet another butt related skit, this time in the form of the diarrhea medicine, Firmium. Brown drizzlies. Worst.

Finally, as if the above wasn’t disappointing enough, Korn chose to follow suit with Franz and Crow and whipped out 8 year old song, “Freak on a Leash.” While the singer’s crazy mic stand was a sight to behold and the song isn’t horrible by any means, I’ve pretty much decided to give any musical guest that has a recent album out and STILL plays a song that’s over a year old an automatic 0 coneys. It would have to be a damn good band or song to warrant anything more than that.

The funnier moments from each episode are again courtesy of the new guys. Hopefully they’ll continue to gain control and turn this season around for the better. Dane Cook as the next host won’t hurt either.

Without Hader’s contributions, this episode would’ve easily been one of the season’s worst. Although I know that’s not saying much, he and members like Sudeikis and Wiig really have the opportunity to bring this show back to its former glory if given the opportunity.

CONEY COUNT

1. Cold Opening: Special Report with Brit Hume
Premise: George W. Bush addresses China

2. Monologue: Longoria

3. Commercial Parody: Rad 3000 Smoke Detector
Premise: Ad for a smoke detector that plays 1980s hit music
OAD: 10/29/05

4. Sketch: The Spammies
Premise: Award Show for Spam email

5. Sketch: MTV4: Deep House Dish
Premise: Show about alternative house music scene

6. Commercial Parody: Morgan Stanley
Premise: A Morgan Stanley agent takes on a fatherly role

7. Sketch: The Needlers
Premise: Recurring sketch about a couple that should be divorced

8. Sketch: TV Land’s Variety Vault: Vincent Price’s Thanksgiving Special 1958
Premise: Vincent Price hosts a variety show

9. Music: Korn “Twisted Transistor”

10. Weekend Update
Guests: Dratch and Armisen

11. Sketch: Desperate Housewives Vanity Fair Photo Shoot
Premise: The DH cast argues at a photo shoot

12. Sketch: R Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet 2”
Premise: A continuation of R Kelly’s album

13. Commercial Parody: The Englehart 5
Premise: A German singing group copes with the loss of a member

14. Music: Korn “Freak on a Leash”

15. Sketch: Eva Longoria for Fermium
Premise: Eva Longoria reveals Fermium solves her constant diarrhea problems

TOTALS

32 / 60 Coneys

23 / 60 Coneys