whatevs.org presents...

"SNL - SEASON 31 REVEALED"

by Nummer and H-Bomb

Episode 3: Catherine Zeta-Jones / Franz Ferdinand (10/22/05)

CONEY RATING SYSTEM
= John Belushi
= Amy Poehler
= Tim Meadows
= Melanie Hutzel
= Charles Rocket
= Self-Explanatory

0-10 Coneys – Garbage
11-20 Coneys – Needs Improvement
21-30 Coneys – Average
31-40 Coneys – Above Average
41-50 Coneys - Instant Classic
51+ Coneys - Unparalleled Comic Genius

OAD = Original Air Date*

(*To be fair, coneys will be awarded the same as they were the first time they aired)

There were four good things tonight and it started with featured player Jason Sudeikis. For the second episode in a row, Sudeikis continued to roll over the cast on his quest to become the most utilized and versatile member. Showing up in 7 sketches overall, Sudeikis’ best moment was his take as loser high school football coach Donnie Freeman on Weekend Update. Freeman made it clear when you play his football, you’ll get nothing but trick plays like “The Bloomin’ Onion (which involves two footballs on the field at once)” or “The Dutch Brownie”. There is also no punting…ever, because punting is for quitters.

The second best item was seeing Bill Hader log more airtime with his brilliant rude Italian and creepy dancer impressions. Hader is showing no signs of slowing down after three episodes and I’m really curious to find out what else is in his repetoir.

Coming in third was Armisen’s blind Weekend Update comic Pep Walters. With this debut of Walters, Armisen has created the perfect companion to the deaf comic “Ritchie B” he gave us last season. I just wish the Walters segment would have been a tad longer. It was almost over before it started.

Finally we were treated to two great performances by Franz Ferdinand. Say what you will about them being 2004 wonders or phony boys, but I liked them. It would have been nice to see them play two new songs instead of turning back the clock to “Take me Out” though. Reminds of me of the time Beastie Boys played 1994’s “Sabotage” for their second song in 1998 when they were supposed to be supporting the newly released and underrated Hello Nasty.

Well, I will give the writer’s credit for at least making the effort to write and air new material, which to me is a good thing. Unfortunately, at the same time, their attempts didn’t prove to be very fruitful. The only real bits that were worthy of screen time were Armisen’s new blind comedian Pep Walters (“Shut that baby up!”), Sudeikis as the pathetic high school football coach Donnie Freeman, whose “unorthodox” plays include the Bloomin’ Onion and the Dutch Brownie, and lastly, the wonderful Morgan Stanley commercial, which was actually a rerun from the season premiere back on October 1.

The featured players continued to stand out for the third week in a row with Jason Sudeikis leading the pack. I have to admit, I did not expect to see him pull in such a large amount of airtime this early on. However, I’m glad to know that Lorne still recognizes good talent and can’t wait to see more Sudeikis centered sketches in the future. The same goes for Hader and his obvious wide range of characters and impressions. Samberg seems to be taking more of a backseat as far as airtime goes but, in my eyes, still has potential, even if it’s just as the happy-go-lucky guy who has fun no matter what.

I’m placing Franz Ferdinand under the good category, but I have to say that I’m a bit torn considering their choice to play a tune that’s over a year old. True, the songs still sounded pretty good, but we already get enough recurring skits throughout the show, do we need to see the musical guest follow that route as well?

Apart from Sudeikis, Hader, Armisen and Franz, the rest of the show was crap. Sketches like Bush’s Address, Newsnight with Aaron Brown, Access Hollywood and Scheinwald Studios were nearly impossible to get through. And what was the deal with the Butt Cancer Treatment commercial? Was last season’s Boner Juice ad not juvenile enough? I can’t believe an entire segment was written just to include the word “pooper” in the punchline.

Tina Fey also made her “long anticipated” return to the Update desk. I can’t say I missed her much. Seeing her back just reminds me how long overdue permanent changes on this segment are. If it wasn’t for the great work Armisen and Sudeikis added, this Update would have been the season’s worst.

And finally we have poor Chris Parnell. What is going on? Ol’ Merv the Perv has been missing from not only the sketches, but the opening credits themselves for two straight episodes. What gives y’all?

As I stated in “The Good” section, most of the sketches aired this episode were just average at best, with the majority of those actually being sub-par. There were brighter moments here and there, but mainly it seemed like the writers just wanted to capitalize on Zeta-Jones’ singing and dancing abilities. Oh, and the fact that she’s hot. If the writers are going to spend the time to write new material, it probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to actually write skits that are funny in there own right and don’t rely so heavily on just one or two of the hosts main credentials.

And, seriously. The Butt Cancer Treatment Center? Quite possibly a whole new low for SNL.

Finally, we had the homecoming of Fey at the Weekend Update desk. While some were actually looking forward to her return, I was not at all surprised to find myself feeling quite the opposite. In fact, I haven’t had much respect for Fey since her admittance of more or less selling out and allowing skits that she knows are crappy to air for simply that reason, airtime. Let’s face it, Fey no long delivers at the WU desk or anywhere else on the show for that matter. She and Poehler are essentially ruining what once used to be a reliable sketch and I can only hope that this season sees the last of these two as co-anchors.

For the third episode in a row, there was much more garbage than good. Catherine Zeta-Jones being a forgettable host didn’t help things along either. Where is that show overhaul we’ve all wanted for the last two seasons?

Yet another mostly non-funny, run of the mill as of late episode of Saturday Night Live. Despite some great performances by the likes of Armisen, Sudeikis and Hader, this show continues to suck the life out of itself with second-rate writing, unremarkable hosts and musical guests and a tired cast. Makes the proclamation of “Saturday Night Dead” seem truer and truer every week.

CONEY COUNT

1. Cold Opening: Fox News with Brit Hume
Premise: Fox News covers a George W. Bush Q&A with Iraqi troops

2. Monologue: Zeta-Jones

3. Commercial: Butt Cancer Treatment

Premise: Service for Butt Cancer victims

4. Sketch: CNN’s Newsnight with Aaron Brown
Premise: An anchorperson suffers the elements while reporting on scene

5. Sketch: Dancer Party
Premise: A dancer brings her new boyfriend to a dancer’s party

6. Music: Franz Ferdinand “Do You Want To?”

7. Weekend Update
Guests: Sudeikis and Armisen

8. Sketch: Italian Hotel
Premise: Tourists deal with Italian owners

9. Sketch: Access Hollywood
Guests: Billy Bush talks with Sharon Stone

10. Sketch: Creighton Boys School
Premise: A sexy new French teacher gets attention

11. Music: Franz Ferdinand “Take Me Out”

12. Sketch: Glen and Gina’s Wedding
Premise: A couple sings off-color vows to each other

13. Commerical Parody: Morgan Stanley
Premise: A Morgan Stanley agent takes on a fatherly role

14. Commerical Parody: Scheinwald Studios
Premise: Sheinwaled studios continue to debate casting and film choices…this time at a deli

TOTALS

24 / 56 Coneys

22.5 / 56 Coneys