W h a t

E v s

(dot org)
"must disagree with your choices..."
Relatively useless (yet hopefully intriguing) musings, ramblings, theories, speculations, opinions and views about this, that and (perhaps) the other

What Evs (dot org)
*The Archive

Grahammy Awards
*G9090 (Films 90-51)
*G9090 (Films 50-11)
*G9090 (Top 10 Films)
*G9090 (Albums)
*G9090 (Singles)

Assorted Theories
*Staring Down Disillusionment
*Top 25 AHS Dudes

Guest Writers
COMING SOON! (that means you, Peabs)

Etc. Linkage
*My Wish List

Other Places To Visit
*The Desert Sun
*David Lynch.com
*Jeffrey Wells' Hollywood Confidential
*Mighty Big TV
*Rob Nelson.com
*The Sun Online
*The Impact
*Essential Selection

If you would like to get in touch with the man sittin next to the man sittin next to the man, email me

© 1995-2002 by whatevs.org
all rizzies reserved (obvs)

Site Meter

The Grahammy's 90/90
Volume 4, Number 2
Tuesday, December 21, 1999

"Kinda like MTV 1515 on Mad Dog 20/20 but not really"

"Relying on mark for a definition of smart
satire is like asking Carrot Top to define
good taste..."
"I'm not going to say anything about the
crappy movies you have on there..."
"Must disagree with your choices..."

The raves are in! I'm a big hit! I'm a big, bright shining star! Fo' real though, these are actual quotes from actual subscribers. You take the bad with the good...one unnamed reader asked me to father her children! One thing you realize when you're in a position of influence (as I think all writers are) is that if you can reach just one person out there, convince them to turn away from a life of crime and redirect their hostile aggression against Whitey by refocusing that energy towards doing something productive like perhaps becoming an Email Marketing Project Manager, you will have succeeded where The System has failed. That is why I do this. That is why I endure the slings and the barbs and the arrows of outrageous fortune. I'm in it for the greater good. I'm a loner, Dottie, a rebel. I'm a bitch I'm a mother I'm a child I'm a lover I'm a sinner I'm a saint I will not be restrained. I'm a cowboy, baby. And I'm allllll-ready gone. Without further ado, i'mma gon' hit you with this...

(PART II of III, Films 50 to 11)

50) "
Hard Boiled" (`92, John Woo) - Chow Yun Fat would whoop Jackie Chan's ass. Woo's kick ass visual style has never been more fully realized.
49) "
Everyone Says I Love You" (`96, Woody Allen) - A magical and wonderous musical. His last great movie?
48) "
Zero Effect" (`98, Jake Kasdan) - Fresh, funny, smart, original. No wonder no one saw it.
47) "
Shallow Grave" (`94, Danny Boyle) - Hugo smells, he's goin' off! Take his legs, take his legs.
46) "
Flirting With Disaster" (`96, David O. Russell) - A screwball comedy of the highest proportions. A hilarious road comedy cum therapy session.
45) "
Hard Eight" (`96, P.T. Anderson) - This underrated debut demands multiple viewings. Stellar ensemble performance from Gwynnie, John C. Reilly, and Philip Baker Best Ever.
44) "
Wild At Heart" (`90, David Lynch) - According to Jim and Jeff, the French call it "Sailor et Lula." Nick Cage's bizzaro Elvis impersonations alone are worth the price of admission.
43) "
Reservoir Dogs" (`92, Quentin Tarantino) - Infinitely quotable. Supposedly a complete rip-off, but who cares?
42) "
Breaking The Waves" (`96, Lars Von Trier) - The first major Dogma 95 release broke the career of Emily Watson, who may just be the best actress working today. If Blair Witch's cinematography made you queasy, you might want to skip this one.
41) "
The Game" ('97, David Fincher) - Fincher rules. Audaciously cool and the first (and only) movie ever to pull an anti-"anti-sellout" finish.
40) "
Short Cuts" (`93, Robert Altman) - Raymond Carver's short stories are updated and mixed into one grand Nashville-esque tableau. Tragic.
39) "
Buffalo `66" (`98, Vincent Gallo) - Let's span time. Gallo is best ever.
38) "
Groundhog Day" (`93, Harold Ramis) - Neck and neck with Carl Spackler as the pinnacle role of Bill Murray's career (sorry Rushmore fans). Should've been Oscar-nominated.
37) "
Citizen Ruth" (`96, Alexander Payne) - The "Dead Man Walking" of abortion, but funny. Laura Dern ties Reese Witherspoon (see #35) for best WT performance ever.
36) "
Searching For Bobby Fischer" (`93, Steve Zaillian) - Chess and excitement. The best odd couple pairing since you got YOUR chocolate in MY peanut butter.
35) "
Freeway" (`96, Matthew Bright) - Little Red Riding `Ho. Reese is fierce and dynamic in this firecracker performance.
34) "
Dazed & Confused" (`93, Richard Linklater) - A virtual Who's Who of indie movies. Positively hilarious and endlessly watchable.
33) "
Glengarry Glen Ross" (`92, James Foley) - A-B-C, Always Be Closing. The Glengarry leads. Coffee is for closers. Best.
32) "
Being John Malkovich" (`99, Spike Jonze) - Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich. With the benefit of a few years of hindsight, it might become The Best Film Of The `90s.
31) "
Scream" (`96, Wes Craven) - Kevin Williamson made the world safe for postmodern self-referential dialogue. And killing Drew off in the opening scene was, as David Spade would say, Pure Balls.
30) "
Terminator 2: Judgement Day" (`91, James Cameron) - Hasta la vista, baby. Rent Cameron's director's cut, if possible.
29) "
Four Weddings And A Funeral" (`94, Mike Newell) - Hugh at his most foppish. Cor blimey Penfold!
28) "
Se7en" (`95, David Fincher) - Dark, dank, depressing. Makes you feel sick for days.
27) "
Out Of Sight" (`98, Steven Soderbergh) - Cooler than the other side of the pillow. One drawback, it launched the singing career of Jennifer Lopez. Never mind, I forgot it also launched her music video career.
26) "
Natural Born Killers" (`94, Oliver Stone) - Inspired by Tabloid TV and a shitload of acid, Stone created the most controversial mainstream movie of the `90s. Exploitative or not, it's revolutionary filmmaking.
25) "
The Insider" (`99, Michael Mann) - Haunting & powerful in the questions it raises about the obligations and honor men are bound to. Total guy movie.
24) "
True Romance" (`93, Tony Scott) - Tarantino's influence is all over the Top 90. The Walken/Hopper confrontation is a modern classic.
23) "
Titanic" (`97, James Cameron) - The biggest event movie of the `90s, it somehow lived up to all the hype and then some. But what can he/will he do for an encore?
22) "
The Cable Guy" (`96, Ben Stiller) - I can hear the groans. Go back and re-watch and you'll appreciate the statements the film makes about loneliness, despair, and America's umbilical attachment to television.
21) "
American Beauty" (`99, Sam Mendes) - The "Wall Street" of the `90s. A coda to the decade where the boomers turned 50 and realized that suburban life ain't all it's cracked up to be.
20) "
Swingers" (`96, Doug Liman) - All the beautiful babies know this film is so fuckin' money. Vince Vaughn busted out of nowhere and gave the Most Charismatic Performance of the decade. And remember what Trent told Mikey, there's nothing wrong with letting girls know you're money and that you want to party.
19) "
Fight Club" (`99, David Fincher) - This film is Kubrickian in the fact that it's at least five years ahead of its time. Has an enormous amount to say about the emasculation of white males in today's IKEA culture. Ed Norton is the most talented actor to hit the screen since Pacino appeared in "The Godfather."
18) "
Heat" (`95, Michael Mann) - Mann has the corner on guy movies. The epic 15-minute gun battle that splits the movie into halves is a virtual Vesuvius of testosterone. And it's damn near impossible to score a casting coup greater than having Pacino & DeNiro appear in the same film.
17) "
The Player" (`92, Robert Altman) - Altman's grand "Fuck you" to the traditional studio system. You'll see more stars on display here than at an observatory. Tim Robbins' portrayal of the slimy, hotshot producer Griffin Mill took Gordon Gekko from Wall Street to Hollywood.
16) "
Jackie Brown" (`97, Quentin Tarantino) - If this wasn't the follow-up to "Pulp Fiction", critics and theater goers alike would have been shouting the praises of QT from on high. Unfortunately, though, it was; consequently he was unjustly slagged and this movie dropped out of theaters instantly. If you give it a second chance, however, you'll find an incredibly cocksure (and fabulous) film that is one part blaxploitation homage, one part caper flick, and one part star-crossed love story.
15) "
Fearless" (`93, Peter Weir) - Jeff Bridges is a rare talent, an all-American movie star with an atypical blend of incredible looks, Everyman appeal, and acting chops. He's so dreamy...Uh, where was I? Oh yeah. Fearless is brilliant and heartbreaking and uplifting all at once.
14) "
The Ice Storm" (`97, Ang Lee) - Metaphors collide with reality in this 1998 Grahammy Award (tm) Winning Film. Mixing a real, physical ice storm with the metaphorical ice storm of 1970s Northeastern suburban ennui, confusion and hedonism is, in a word, stunning. The acting is remarkable, the cinematography majestic, and the wonderful direction of Ang Lee drives the film into perfection.
13) "
Before Sunrise" (`95, Richard Linklater) - In "What Happened Was...", we learned that first dates can be difficult. But this film reminds us that every now and then when the stars align just right, you can be struck like a bolt of lightning by love. The rapport and chemistry between stars Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke is electric, and the improvisational nature of their relationship and dialogue is pure magic.
12) "
The Big Lebowski" (`98, Joel Coen) - As Sam Elliot's character The Stranger so eloquently puts it, "The Dude abides." Jeff Bridges' portrayal of The Dude goes down as the Best Character Performance of the decade. This movie doesn't have a whole lot to say about anything, but it sure as hell is fun. So many classic characters (Donny, Walter, Jesus, The Nihilists) and so quotable! And the Busby Berkley/porno/bowling dream sequence (to Kenny Rogers!) is the most surreal five minutes of cinema this decade.
11) "
Trainspotting" (`96, Danny Boyle) - Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit crushing game shows, stuffing junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself. Choose a future. Choose life...

TOMORROW: Top 10 Films Of The `90s

See you tomorrow...
Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel.