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tuesday, february 11  

the four most depressing words in the English language

Oscar Nominee Queen Latifah

Complete List of 2003 Oscar Nominations (courtesy of The Washington Post)

posted by uncle grambo | permanent link |
monday, february 10  

and YOU thought that the Pam & Tommy video was raunchy?

just wait until we see Yao and Shaq gettin' dirrrty with X Tina!

gonna get dirrrty with yao, yo

posted by uncle grambo | permanent link |
 

america's favorite curmudgeonreader retort

Subject: Andy Rooney's latest rant
To: markdgraham@yahoo.com
From: Seantizz
Date: Mon, 10 Feb 2003 13:37:28 -0500

to the editor of whatevs.org,

anyone who missed Andy Rooney's weekly satirical take on life last night on "60 Minutes" missed a timely editorial by america's favorite geriatric on the integration of advertising into program content. sure, you're probably thinking "product placement, that's nothing new." well, what mr. rooney is referring to is actually a redefinition of television advertising that is becoming more common. those in the ad biz know this has been a hot topic of discussion lately.

with the availability of devices like TiVO which allows viewers to skip through commercial breaks, advertisers must look for ways to integrate their product into content if they wish to get their product and message in front of viewers. many are referring to this tactic as a throw-back to the 50's where viewers would watch game shows created by cigarette companies in which contestants would have to plow through a pack of Pall Malls before getting to the final round of 'Beat the Clock.' And we all the term Soap Opera came from.

in light of these technical advances, Michael Davies, creator of 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire' is working on a show that will once again have no commercial breaks. instead, the advertising will be a part of the show.

Rooney gave some colorful examples of how he might integrate advertising into his editorials... "Americans are almost evenly divided about going to war. Some approve, others strongly oppose the idea. If the thought of going to war turns your stomach, try Pepcid AC, just one and heartburn's done."

you can read his commentary here...
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/01/31/60minutes/rooney/main538758.shtml

i mention rooney's commentary is timely because fans of "Alias" last night were treated to Sydney Bristow speeding through busy streets in a Ford Focus SVT, hours after rooney's rant. did you notice the driving dynamics on that car? or Vaughn exclaiming to Sydney, "you're going too fast," only to have Sydney taking a tight and speedy turn, narrowly avoiding a collision? mmmm... driving dynamics. that's what you get with a Ford Focus which you can lease for $199 a month. see your local Ford dealer.

the Alias example is closer to product placement, but its not the first time Ford has ventured into this arena. ever catch the reality game-show 'No Boundaries' in which contestant drive Ford SUV between certain locations? or how about Ford's blatant integration into American Idol?

i can't say i mind doing away with commercial breaks in exchange for more content, even if the extra content is advertising. however, i'm sure it will get out of hand and before you know it, to quote Dan Pesta, shows will start with "McDisneybucks presents, the Kentucky Fried Chicken Dancers, brought to you by Vlassic Pickles, reminding you to brush your teeth with Colgate, who will donate proceeds of this program to the United Way, while you enjoy Coca Cola, an AOL Time Warner Company."

posted by uncle grambo | permanent link |
 

kiss of deathbritney and colin's big night

yeah i know that i've already beat this dead horse into the ground, but MacK10 just revealed that People.com has posted an online photo gallery of this heinous evening, beginning with Britney chain-smoking and concluding with Britney and Colin sucking face out on the balcony of Farrell's Chateau Marmont suite. worst. ever.

posted by uncle grambo | permanent link |
 

hectic monday

hey kids, hope that yr wknd was superfly. sorry, v. busy this morning. what did you do this weekend? did you go check out 50 Cent and Eminem at the State Theatre? did you spend the weekend crying on your couch because Martina Hingis officially retired? did you dig up your old Lollapalooza t-shirts when you heard that Lollapalooza will return this summer with Jane's Addiction, QOTSA, Audioslave and more? did you wonder how fucked up Britney must be when the likes of Durst thinks that your life is "out of control"? well, even if you didn't do any of the above, you should start out your Monday by reading an article that The Grizz wrote on Friday about the challenges that former reality show contestants face when the cameras stop rolling and they return to their normal lives in Tha D. hott.

posted by uncle grambo | permanent link |
friday, february 7  

friday afternoon topic

DESERT ISLAND DISCS

Uncle Grambo: Liz Phair - "Exile In Guyville" ; Depeche Mode - "101"; Jimmy Buffett - "Songs You Know By Heart"; The Beatles - "1967 - 1970 (The Blue Album)"; REM - "Automatic For The People"

Melody Licious (Gore Gore Girls): Led Zeppelin - first or second album; Andrew W.K. - "I Get Wet"; Veruca Salt - "Eight Arms To Hold You"; Alkaline Trio - "The Alkaline Trio"; The Paybacks - "Knock Loud" (bonus guilty pleasure DIDs are: George Michael - "Faith" and Bon Jovi - "Slippery When Wet")

Kegzies (Glamorama): Radiohead - "OK Computer"; Oasis - "Definitely Maybe"; Jeff Buckley - "Grace"; The Stone Roses - "The Stone Roses"; The Smiths - "Best Of Vol. 1"

The Grizz: Smashing Pumpkins - "Siamese Dream"; Travis - "The Man Who"; Madonna - "The Immaculate Collection"; Naughty By Nature - "Naughty By Nature"; Various Artists - "Trainspotting: Music From the Motion Picture"

Pieps: Bob Marley - "Legend"; Allman Brothers - "Best Of"; Grambo - "Trunk Full Of Untz" (Mix); David Gray - "Words of Wisdom" (Mix); Coldplay - "A Rush Of Blood To The Head"

Damore: Smashing Pumpkins, "Gish"; Oasis - "What's The Story, Morning Glory"; New Order - "Technique"; U2, "The Joshua Tree"; Verve - "A Northern Soul"; Olaf - "F Your Yankee Bluejeans"

The Gorilla: "Abbey Road" (Beatles); "Back In Black" (AC/DC); "Hour of the Bewilderbeast" (Badly Drawn Boy); "The Ultimate Experience" (Jimi Hendrix); "Da' Bomb -- P-Funk's Greatest Hits" (Parliament Funkadelic, it's a beach; you don't listen to fuckin' Morrissey on a beach you dour, pasty, suicidal bastards. You party on a beach -- tear the roof off the sucka' -- the thundering bass will also keep the pigmies and wild boars at bay)

B.B. Fett (The Prime Ministers): The Rolling Stones - "40 Licks"; The Replacements - "Pleased To Meet Me"; The Smiths - "Louder Than Bombs"; T. Rex - "T. Rextasy"; Queen - "Greatest Hits, Vol. One"

WinkleBest: Prince - "Purple Rain"; Red Hot Chili Peppers - "Blood Sugar Sex Magic"; Talking Heads - "Sand in the Vaseline"; Guns n Roses - "Appetite for Destruction"; Dr. Dre - "The Chronic"

ConnieNYC: The Beach Boys - "Pet Sounds"; The Beatles - "A Hard Day's Night"; Rolling Stones - "Exile On Main Street"; Van Morrison - "St. Domenic's Preview"; Derek and the Dominos, "Layla And Other Assorted Love Songs"

Buddis Lembeck: 1. Frog Pond- recordings and sounds of frogs; 2. Morning Birds- Bird Chorus nature sound recording; 3. Thunderstorm and Rain sounds; 4. Song of the Whales- recordings and sounds of whales; 5. Pure Moods II

H-Bomb: Catherine Wheel - "Chrome"; Radiohead - "Kid A"; Tori Amos - "Boys For Pele"; Trans Am - "The Red Line"; Dandy Warhols - "The Dandy Warhols Come Down"

Nummer: Live - "Throwing Copper"; Soul Coughing - "Ruby Vroom"; Phish - "Rift"; Morrissey - "Bona Drag"; Jane's Addiction - "Nothing's Shocking" (got my first copy when I was 10! This is the only album I've actually had to buy more than once after physically wearing it out from over use (remember cassettes - so fragile!)

Mandypantalons: Madonna - "True Blue"; Travis - "The Man Who"; REM - "New Adventures in Hi-Fi"; Patsy Cline - "Heartaches"; Poison - "Swallow This Live"

Seantizz: Actually there is no reason for anyone to have to limit their top five cds to 5 artists and get stuck with those few tracks they always skip through. Thanks to NASA for bringing cd burning technology to the public, I'd burn my most favorite songs by my favorite artists over 5 cd's.

posted by uncle grambo | permanent link |
 

if you're anything like me...

...then you like your lesbians to be sexy Russian teenage popstars

...then you're a little disappointed that Jennifer Garner has sold her soul to The Neilson Ratings Board and that her lingerie-clad SuperBowl commercials crossed over the line from "classy and sexy" into pure ogling

...then you wonder why Pepsi fired Ludacris as their spokesman (on the generic grounds of being offensive) and hired a family whose fame is based solely on obscenity, The Osbournes

...then you wonder how come it's taken so long for Courtney Taylor Taylor and the rest of The Dandy Warhols to get back in the studio and work on a new album

...then you wonder "What about 'The Beer Baron' episode?" when Entertainment Weekly releases its list of the Top 25 Simpsons episodes of all-time

posted by uncle grambo | permanent link |
thursday, february 6  

ask not what whatevs.org can do for you ...

ask what YOU can do for whatevs.org! first and foremost, i'm not asking for money. eff that noise. all i'm asking for is your help with what everyone would consider "a good deed." sure, it's probably not as good as helping a little ole lady across the street, but hey, that's not what we're all about here on whatevs.org. obvs. we're all about celebrating pop culture in all of its sickeningly best evs splendor! so, with that in mind, please do your Uncle Grambo a favor and click on over to sign the online petition to get "Freaks And Geeks" released on DVD. this isn't some bozo nerdlinger's personal website (no, that would be whatevs.org) -- this is a site commissioned by and run by none other than Judd Apatow, one of the funniest men that you've never heard of. he's a comic genius whose worked on projects as diverse as "Freaks and Geeks", "The Larry Sanders Show", "The Ben Stiller Show" and "The Cable Guy" (you'll have to forgive him for "Celtic Pride"). on top of all that, the IMDB revealed that he's a local boy ... apparently he grew up in Clinton Township (you'll also have to forgive him for being an East Sider ... anything east of the AMC Forum 30 is automatically worst evs)! so c'mon, take five seconds to click through and help bring one of the all-time best television series to a DVD player near you!

posted by uncle grambo | permanent link |
 

SNL Season 28 - REVEALED!

it's been a few weeks since the last original episode, but the ever vigilant duo of Nummer and the H-Bomb are back with gusto aplenty with their pre-show commentary for this weekend's SNL. they have also contributed fantastic reviews of the Jeff Gordon / Avril Lavigne and Ray Liotta / Donnas episodes; I've been a slacker and i haven't fully completed the coding, but the links above should take you to the reviews in MS Word form. many apologies to the talented duo, your Uncle Grambo is a jackanapes...

NUMMERH-BOMB
EPISODE 11: MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY / DIXIE CHICKS

Believe it or not, I'm not all that familar with McConaughey. I've only seen him in three films: Dazed and Confused, the dreadful Amistad and the semi-enjoyable U-571. Not to sound too much like a frat boy, but I always have loved his performance as Wooderson in Dazed and Confused. 1994-Jason and friends used to run around quoting his lines like we were the kings of comedy. If he can rack up another character performance like that on a few sketches, this has potential to be a very good SNL.

As for the Dixie Chicks, I don't mind them. I've picked up their albums at the used CD shops a few times, but always end up putting them back. You must admit, their songs are catchy - plus one of them is always pregnant which makes for a funny looking stage presence. Somthing about pregnant women playing fiddles singing about killing rednecks has to make you love the country music industry.

Ah, Matthew McConaughey. So dreamy. From the first moment I set eyes on him in the wonderful Dazed and Confused, I was hooked!!! That velvety smooth southern accent proclaiming, "That's what I like about these high school girls. I keep getting older, they stay the same age," was one of the finest moments on the silver screen as far as I'm concerned. Unfortunately, his acting career has succumbed to cheesy romantic comedy roles, with the exception of Reign of Fire, which was so best evs!!! But, I don't think that will stop him from hosting a kick-ass SNL show this week. This guy can be pretty funny, in a kind of I don't give a flying f#%k sort of way, so I'm confident he'll put out a lot of good sketches.

posted by uncle grambo | permanent link |
 

now i've seen it all

after seeing Kathy Bates fully nude in "About Schmidt", i thought i had seen it all. now comes word from Reuters that Australians are flocking to a fence post that, when looked at through squinted eyes, is a dead ringer for The Virgin Mary. see for yrself (squinted eyes on left, real view on right) ... riiiiiiiight.

posted by uncle grambo | permanent link |
 

american gut!riding the rack

i think that The Grizz said it best. during a commercial break of "American Idol" last night, he called and said "Julia's going to ride that rack as far as she can." and what do you know, he was right! julia demato pulled a stunning upset over kimberly caldwell to squeeze into the Top 10, which came as a shock to everyone (including the judges). the only thing that shocked America more was that she was able to squeeze into them leather pants on Tuesday (see photo)! eeeesh! anyhooz, i don't think we've seen the last of kimberly. i think she'll sneak into the top 10 via the wild card show ... she's got a husky voice and a slutty streak that she doesn't work too hard to conceal. if Ryan Starr's skank ass made it into the Top 10 based solely on looks, then kimberly should be a shoo-in ...

and in other reality show news, it seems like the cast of "The Bachelorette" is trying to battle the original Not Ready For Prime-Time Players for who can do the most blow. (note to the FOWs: i don't watch this show but this is the only semi-interesting news out this morning) apparently some dude from the show named Greg was busted at JFK the other day for cocaine possession, now Page Six is reporting that recently booted Russell was spotted in Los Angeles sniffing "several lines of coke and (downing) a lot of drinks." looks like ABC was just as negligent with the background checks as Fox was with that Cindy Schubert buzz!

posted by uncle grambo | permanent link |
wednesday, february 5  

big meeting

hey kids. i'm prepping for a presentation i have this afternoon with the president of our company, so posts are likely to be sparse today. but since your Uncle Grambo never leaves you hanging, here's an advance look at The White Stripes' new album, "Elephant", courtesy of The Grizz. and oh yeah, for any of you who skipped out on the Rhett Miller / Neil Finn show last night, you didn't miss much. largely forgettable. a word of wise to Sebastian, Neil's bass player, seriously dude. everyone knows that bass solos died with Derek Smalls in "Spinal Tap" ...

posted by uncle grambo | permanent link |
tuesday, february 4  

"old school" pre-release buzz

prime-time FOW The Lawrs is starting to earn his stripes. what follows is an email that i just received praising the upcoming Will Ferrell / Vince Vaugh / Luke Wilson buddy flick that opens on February 21st ...

------Original Message------
Subject: Old School
To: markdgraham@yahoo.com
From: The Lawrs
Date: Tue, 4 Feb 2003 15:49:51 -0500

Dude - I got to see a sneak preview of Old School last night at the Palladium. Let me just say best evs. It reminded me of Animal House - but in the present day. Will Ferrell was awesome. Can you say "Hank the Tank"?? Snoop Dogg had a cameo, there were topless chicks KY Jelly wrestling in a baby pool, funny party scenes - this movie had it all. I laughed pretty much for the first hour straight. I highly recommend that you and any other FOW who appreciates a good comedy go see it when it comes out. I definitely want to see it again. This movie has buzz.


posted by uncle grambo | permanent link |
 

the miracle that is "Joey Mills"

with each week that passes, the levels of insanity / hilarity on "Joe Millionaire" reaches a height previously thought unattainable. each time that i think that evan couldn't possibly say or do anything stupider (to melissa's question of "so what are your turn-ons?", evan says "uh, legs. uh, high heels. but that's just me!"), he goes on to astound me with a comment that could only be pulled from the deepest recesses of human evolution (when he spots Zora's rather impressive cleavage, he says "so, uh, did you get that BREAST ... uh ... i mean, that DRESS in paris?"). you would think that someone who women apparently considered handsome (i still say creepy con carne) would've gone out on a few dates in his life -- but as evidenced in every single episode of this show, he has no clue on how to begin (let alone maintain) any type of conversation. when sitting on some exotic Mediterranean beach watching the sunset, he thinks it would be a good idea to chat up Melissa with lines like "uh, did you know that you can use superglue to heal cuts?" you have GOT to be fuckin' kidding me!!! who orders two entrees for dinner besides William "The Refrigerator" Perry??? it was like the dude never had pasta before! how 'bout them bulldozer references? he's so captivated by dirt! and don't even get me started on cindy schubert buzz, i'm fairly convinced that Fox re-edited the show to ensure that Footsies Kozer's date was on in the last half-hour ... gimme these moonlit handjobs!

anyway, at the conclusion of last night's episode, we were left with Zora Neale Hurston and Kinky Kinkerson vying for the dim-witted affection of Joey Mills ... melissa showed some cleavs but ultimately got the boot. Eyebrows Evan apparently wasn't kidding about his long leg fetish, he dismissed the shortest (and most ethnic) of the three girls. racist buzz? who knows. when the competition heats up next week, will Zora stay cool or crash under the pressure of having to actually kiss Evan again? will Kozer The Kozerian bust out some handcuffs and astroglide for the all-important third date hookup buzz? will host Alex McCloud actually do anything other than introduce Evan at dismissal time (shmeriously, how much did that skanky thang get paid to host this show anyway? some say less useful than Dunkleman!)? will Paul The Butler end up eating any of the remaining contestants? i guess we'll have to wait until next Monday to find out!

btw, Flak Magazine's weekly "Joe Millionaire" recap was just posted. i highly recommend a click-through.

posted by uncle grambo | permanent link |
 

neal pollack to the rescue!

just when things at whatevs.org are getting hot and heavy over the raging space shuttle debate, a click-through to the altogether incomparable Neal Pollack.com resulted in belly laughs. here is a excerpt that i lifted directly from Neal's site on this very issue:

Heat Tile Of My Heart -- 2/3/2003

I remember the first Space Shuttle disaster. It was 1981, or maybe 1982, right after the President got shot, and I thought that my innocence would never recover. The night after it happened, I sat at home and hugged my dog, my cat, and my teddy bear, and also my stuffed Spiderman. On TV were the wispy images of smoke and the shocked gasp of a nation in mourning.

"Dad," I said to my dad, "why do our heroes always fall?"

"Huh?" he said.

"When I grow up I want to be an astronaut and serve my country."

"Shut up!" said my dad. "You're never going to be a goddamn astronaut!"

At the time, I found his words a little harsh. But in retrospect, I can say that he was right. I'm not an astronaut. I never even really tried to become one. Maybe dad knew something I didn't: that NASA was already in decline, and that someday they would send a group of eminent scientists and top-notch pilots riding into space aboard a tin rustbucket held together by bows and cheap glue. Creator of the stars, my ass. How many cars from 1983 do you see driving around these days? A good mechanic trumps a barely-disguised Jesus metaphor every time.

The government needs to commit itself to building a new super-spacecraft that will be at the leading edge of flight, with the ability to harness the power of comets and detect terrorists with pinpoint lasers. It must also contain up-to-date home entertainment technology, like flat-screen high-definition television and interactive sex robots. Speaking of, don't you think it's about time that our space vehicles began to resemble penises again?

Forget national health care! Down with unemployment insurance! Onward and upward into the farthest reaches of space! For if we can dream of the stars, perhaps someday we can harness their energy to cure disease or build a very destructive nuclear pre-emption device. May the Star-Creator, bringer of hope to us all, bless these United States of America. Good night.

posted by uncle grambo | permanent link |
 

reader retort

i gotta be honest with you here. the real enjoyment of running a site like this doesn't involve the free drugs or the loose women (though they are definite plusses). what really gets you going is when a FOW takes the time out of his or her day to throw some feedback your way. and when it comes to FOWs like this, The Gorilla is always near the top of this list. below is an email that he sent me this morning regarding the thoughts i dropped on NASA yesterday...

-----Original Message-----
Subject: NASA bashing
Date: Tue, 4 Feb 2003 09:34:24 -0500
From: The Gorilla
To: markdgraham@yahoo.com

Your NASA bashing is incredibly off the mark, Mark. Is the Space Shuttle a good idea? I donít know, maybe not. It doesnít seem to be cost effective, despite being reusable, which is like paying to recycle. Obviously it is the most used form of space travel ever, so the fact that it is responsible for more space travel deaths than any other form of space travel maybe is to be expected. As tragic and graphic as astronaut deaths have been Iím not sure that 17 deaths out of the 400+ people that have been to space is a very unexpected statistic Ė strap yourself to a bunch of liquid hydrogen or try to make a controlled fall into the atmosphere and your life expectancy has to shift downward.

What have they ever invented? Well for starters before NASA, computers filled giant rooms and were run with vacuum tubes that were really heavy. Really heavy shit is hard to launch into space, so they perfected these tiny little circuitsÖ called microchips. PCís, Playstations, CD players, DVDís all that electronic shit has NASA to thank. I like vinyl okay, but face it folks, you canít hear analog warmth unless your cd was mastered by drunk monkeys, actually thatís probably not true, maybe drunk squirrels Ė bottom line digital rules.

Sure we would have gotten all this shit eventually, but all those big government bucks we spent to beat the Ruskies to the moon, all those kids the US sent on government scholarships to be super science techno wiz geeks paid off. The much maligned Hubble telescope probably taught us more about the formation of the Universe in a decade than the whole of human history was able to uncover before. Plus they invented a bunch of other crap like Teflon, which is so helpful in the grilled cheese department. By sixties standards NASA is starved, which could be why we use space shuttles invented in the Ď70ís and loose Mars Landers like my gene pool loses hair. How much money do they need Ė I donít know Ė Iíd rather have decent roads, schools and buildings not blown up by terrorists, but Iíd rather give NASA a few billion than having it blown on crazy military crap like New Ultra Super Lazer Guided Now With Retsin Missile Defense systems or FBI email snoop programs so John Ashcroft can catch you looking at pictures of women with bare ankles.

-----Original Message-----
From: Mark Graham
Sent: Tuesday, February 04, 2003 10:17 AM
To: The Gorilla
Subject: Re: NASA bashing

call me Janet Jackson, but what has NASA done for me lately? shit yeah, i guess i will begrudgingly throw props to microchips and teflon, but c'mon. NASA has been around for 40 or so years (I don't know, maybe more maybe less) and all that we can thank them for is listed above?

in retrospect, what was the point of the whole space race other than to prove that we're "smarter" than Russia? it was one giant competition to show that our capitalist cocks were bigger than communist cocks. so we outspent, outthought, and beat those god damn Russkies to the moon. was that responsible for the collapse of the Berlin Wall? i'm not so sure. i'm more inclined to believe it was the fact that you had to wait in line three days for a fargin' loaf of bread.

and while it breaks your heart to see ANY lives lost in a tragedy like this (esp. when you read that as a child, Lt. Colonel Michael Anderson used to mow his lawn with goggles on so he wouldn't damage his eyes and ruin his chance at someday being an astronaut - see http://www.nytimes.com/2003/02/03/national/03FAMI.html), you gotta wonder what the greater good is here. while it may initially sound contrary to my overall point, i believe that the pursuit of knowledge is extremely important to the overall betterment (is that a word?) of our nation and of the world. i'm just not convinced that so much of our time and resources should be going towards space exploration. produce some results and my story might change. i'm probably clouded by a little bit of disbelief and anger right now, but i'm not sure that NASA has made any recent breakthroughs that can justify the money that we throw at it. shouldn't we be focusing at improving life here (homeless peeps, education, skyrocketing health care costs, you name it)?

in conclusion, while Space may be the Final Frontier, i prefer Final Destination 2.

grambo out.

ps - do you mind if i publish your retort? it's good shit.

-----Original Message-----
Subject: RE: NASA bashing
Date: Tue, 4 Feb 2003 10:39:44 -0500
From: The Gorilla
To: "Mark Graham"

Of course you can publish my retort, and stoke my whatevs fueled ego.

I guess my point is your argument (a some what conservative, reactionary one I might add) is the same one that people have always made about NASA and R&D in general. In the fifties and sixties when they were improving and developing new microchips did the public know how much they wanted them? No, the president of IBM said the world market for computers was probably 10 -- no one could appreciate the need for a PC or the impact or multitude of uses the NASA advancements, like the microchip would have on us.

May I reiterate, that every fucking thing in your life actually has a microchip in it or was created by a machine that does (accept for Uncle Amish Grambo who's all like, "Screw NASA, I churn my own butter and knit my own socks -- my DVD player is wood burning and carved from the living rock.... mutha' fucka!!!")

The argument that this kind of research should be purely left to the private sector is also misguided, because after a period of time research funded with public money becomes... public. For example ccd's the little light sensing chips in digital cameras, camcorders, etc -- were developed for spy satellites -- when it became unclassified technology everybody was able to jump on the technology and come up with lots of unique uses the original inventors never thought about. What has NASA done for you lately? I don't know, but given what they've already done, isn't it worth waiting to find out?

posted by uncle grambo | permanent link |
monday, february 3  

breaking buzz

props out to industry insider MacK10 for forwarding along this MSNBC buzz -- legendary record producer Phil Spector was arrested and is being held as a suspect in the killing of a California woman. wall of worst! and in breaking detroit-based news, mayor Kwame Kilpatrick claims that the reason that there are so many nasty, sexually tinged rumours of about the behavior of his mayoral staff is because his administration is ... too sexy? this is a direct quote from this month's Hour Detroit magazine: "There is absolutely no truth (to the rumors). We hear new ones every day. I think the reason that it comes out is that we are sexy. I think this is a sexy administration." too sexy by FAR! worst.

posted by uncle grambo | permanent link |
 

courtney holea rush of blood to the head

greetings and salutations. i'm still trying to detox after an intensified weekend in The Windy City. early friday afternoon, a couple of buddies and i spontaneously decided to make the four hour drive to Chicago and party up. mission accomplished. what a fookin amazing town, spending two days there totally makes you realize what a shithole Detroit is. when the bars close at 4am and there are ridiculous amounts of hot white girls running around, you're bound to get in trouble. everybody loves white girls. but enough of the Uncle Expose, Here's Whats News (to borrow a phrase from my man in Amsterdam, ConnieNYC)...

  • i know that i have talked about it before, but the world needs Courtney Love more than we can possibly fathom. according to The New York Daily News' gossip columnists Rush & Molloy, a recent photo shoot for Q Magazine resulted in unscripted (but not necessarily unexpected) mayhem. according to a source, "By the time the shoot was over, Courtney had set fire to things, poured Champagne over her head and had her bikini line waxed in a room full of people." hott! then as i was writing up this post, the always stellar Gawker.com (still the site that whatevs.org aspires to be) posted a link to scans from the photo shoot, which will appear in March's edition. WARNING, these aren't really safe for consumption at work. the cover is as G-rated as the rest of the photos get, hence the post at right. obvs. Courtney is still the queen, let's hope that her new record comes out sometime soon...

  • speaking of Rush & Molloy, one of their columns from over the weekend revealed the inspiration behind Lara Flynn Boyle's jaw-dropping appearance as a tutu-clad hott-ass at the Golden Globes. apparently Jack and Lara spent New Year's together in Aspen partying with Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith (btw, who knew that Nicholson partied with The Fresh Prince???). anyhooz, i guess that things were going swell between the on-again, off-again couple until Lara came back from a shopping expedition to find Jack curled up with another hottie at their place. so the whole pink tutu outfit was an inside joke that referenced the fact that Jack dissed her for a dancer, "though hardly the kind who trains at Julliard." ...

  • in case you hadn't heard, the space shuttle "broke apart" over the weekend. while thoughts and prayers certainly go out to the families of those involved, the whole thing kind of makes you wonder what the frickin' point of NASA is anyway. seriously, what great learnings have come out of the space program other than the fact that we can actually make rockets that can go to the moon and back (although those who believe in the Van Allen belt would have you believe otherwise)? seriously! as a people, are we really better off because of anything the space program has accomplished? now G Dubs is going to use this tragedy / opportunity to try and pump up NASA's budget by $470 MM ... guess what? that's only enough money to launch the shuttle ONCE! Time Magazine's Gregg Easterbrook has written a very bold editorial called "The Space Shuttle Must Be Stopped" -- while he's not opposed to space exploration like I am, his argument revolves mainly around the fact that space shuttle technology is "costly, outmoded, impractical and ... deadly". this article is totally worth your time.

  • i'm running low on time, so here are a few last links for y'all to digest: after five years on the air,
    a two-hour "Dawson's Creek" series finale will air on May 14 ... bye bye Joey Potter, I'll always love you; Coldplay will be making their way to the Fox Theater on March 3rd, and MTV.com reveals that their setlists have been rounded out with Justin Timberlake and Destiny's Child covers ... still not as tatts as the cover of "Hit Me Baby One More Time" that Travis used to perform; while it was a close victory over "Final Destination 2", the Colin Farrell / Al Pacino vehicle "The Recruit" topped this weekend's box office with a $16.5MM weekend ... some say that's a very disappointing gross, esp. considering that FD2 took in $16.2MM ... who knows, maybe the final numbers will reveal a #2 opening for "The Recruit" ... developing!

posted by uncle grambo | permanent link |
quote-a-matic
"You can find me in the club, bottle full of bub / Look Mommy I got the X if you into taking drugs / I'm into havin sex, I ain't into makin' love / So come give me a hug if you into to getting rub"
50 Cent, "In Da Club"
be like mark
adventures w/disposable income
date: 2.9.03
source(s): comet burger
amount: $10.00
(2) sliders
(1) small order of french fries
(1) coca-cola
where's grambo?
february 13: oakland vs. oral roberts @ o-rena
february 19: sleater-kinney @ magic stick
march 3: coldplay @ fox theater
march 7: electric six wsg the sirens @ magic stick
march 8: gore gore girls @ small's
march 29: datsuns @ magic stick
april 11: dustin diamond (aka Screech!) @ joey's comedy club
april 19: gore gore girls + the paybacks @ magic bag
twenty word reviews
confessions of a dangerous mind
**1/2
your expectations won't be met, but ultimately earns "must-see" status because of sam rockwell's virtuoso, Oscar worthy performance. simply harrowing.
a guy thing
*1/2
mgm's ads hornswaggled the public into believing this was a Stiles vehicle, unfortunately it's just another disappointing Jason Lee flick.
about schmidt
****1/2
a rich, resonant and deeply moving "coming of (old) age" tale that is anchored by jack nicholson's bravura performance. best.
25th hour
*****
spike lee's emotionally explosive film doesn't shy away from exposing the core of male friendship, nor from NYC's 9/11 aftermath.
narc
****1/2
audaciously intense and bereft of typical cop film cliches, immediately add this to the short list of this genre's best.
chicago
****
REVIEW TK.
harry potter & the chamber of secrets
***
REVIEW TK.
gangs of new york
***
you gotta admire Scorsese's passion and commitment, but ultimately the performances and his directorial vision are neither compelling nor noteworthy.
the salton sea
***
REVIEW TK.
the dangerous lives of altar boys
****
REVIEW TK.
lotr: the two towers
****
REVIEW TK.
adaptation
*****
REVIEW TK.
tully
****1/2
REVIEW TK.
far from heaven
****1/2
REVIEW TK.
die another day
***
REVIEW TK.
`r xmas
**
REVIEW TK.
cherish
****
REVIEW TK.
solaris
***1/2
REVIEW TK.
rodger dodger
****
REVIEW TK.
femme fatale
*
REVIEW TK.
auto-focus
***
REVIEW TK.
scooby-doo
**
REVIEW TK.
death to smoochy
WORST EVS!
REVIEW TK.
jackass
***
REVIEW TK.
punch drunk love
****1/2
REVIEW TK.
bloody sunday
****
REVIEW TK.
the ring
***1/2
REVIEW TK.
the transporter
***

REVIEW TK.
swept away
*

REVIEW TK.
the rules of attraction
***

REVIEW TK.
my big fat greek wedding
**1/2

REVIEW TK.
secretary
***

REVIEW TK.
spirited away
****

REVIEW TK.
red dragon
*1/2

REVIEW TK.
igby goes down
*****

REVIEW TK.
metropolis
***1/2

REVIEW TK.
we were soldiers
**

REVIEW TK.
the time machine
WORST EVER!!!

REVIEW TK.
8 mile
***1/2

REVIEW TK.
winged migration
***1/2

REVIEW TK.
gerry
****

REVIEW TK.
bowling for columbine
****1/2

REVIEW TK.
bubba ho-tep
***

REVIEW TK.
welcome to collinwood
*

REVIEW TK.
frida
**1/2

REVIEW TK.
lost in la mancha
***

REVIEW TK.
the good thief
***1/2

REVIEW TK.
white oleander
***1/2

REVIEW TK.
spun
**

jonas akerlund's disappointing directorial debut lacks cohesion and buzz, mainly because it's chock full of sleazy and uninteresting characters/situations.
city of god
****1/2

nothing short of a cinematic masterpiece, this film focuses on the impossible struggle to survive the "Mean Streets" of Rio.
les diables
***

blend "natural born killers", "what's eating gilbert grape?", "Stand By Me" and pre-teen nudity and voila! you've got les diables.
the kid stays in the picture
****

adapted from robert evans' infamous autobiography, this documentary brims with the grandiose glory of a life lived to the fullest.
xXx
***

kinda like simultaneoulsy drinking jolt, red bull and mountain dew, this concoction of loud music + dazzling stunts is pure fun.
the sweetest thing
**1/2 (RENTAL)

a cinematic equivalent of "Tomcats" on Midol where Cameron Diaz and her galpals cuss incessantly and have sex with purple elephants.
blue crush
****

a talented young hottie conquers NFL quarterbacks, battles tasty waves, and plays Xbox outside (!!!) in this incredibly enjoyable summer spectacular .
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