Mario Party DS! November 19th! Watch the trailer! Pre-order that shit! Exclamation points! Your Uncle Grambo’s only regret is that I don’t know anyone else in New York who owns a DS. Think that’ll stop me from buying the latest installment of the greatest video game series ever invented? Negative Ghost Rider, your pattern is FULL!

I said it before, but I’ll say it again. If The Muggs are the Next Great American Band, I’m moving to Slovakia. Or maybe Bratislava.

The freshman bitties at MSU are nowhere near as hot as they were two years ago. The same cannot be said for the NSFdubs dorms of C-Bus. [via Big Ten Poon]

Cowboy Junkies. Performed “The Trinity Sessions” in its entirety. In London. Two weeks ago. How come no one told me about this?

Does the Fiddler have a foot fetish? We’re going with “YES!”

R.I.P Mo Pitkins.

Are tempura pumpkin blossoms the new zucchini flowers? No-eye-deer (and No Eye Becky Irabu). Howevs, we will go on record saying we will eat anything that’s been deep fried in sweet, sweet tempura. Even looseleaf paper … but only if it’s college-ruled!

Big ups to The Heff for pointing out the oh-so-fab vlog (Ed. Note - “vlog” = worst word evs) I Do Nothing All Day. Awesome extension of a concept first pioneered by the seminal (heh) Office Pirates featch, “Women Walking Around During Lunchtime.” Btw, every day in NYC is like this. At least in Midtown during the lunching hours, that is. Which begs the q, why are you still living where you live? Seers.

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Let it be known that I don’t watch “The Hills.” Nor did I watch “Laguna Beach.” No shame in doing so, I suppose, they just aren’t my cup of Tetley’s. But since I do read US Weekly, your Uncle Grambo learned yesterday that 20 year-old Heidi Montag, who apparently stars in “The Hills,” got a boob-job yesterday. Normally, items like this would slip right by a jaded old skool fool like myself, but three things about this item caught my eye.

First, the item lists this Montag broad as being 20 years old. Surely, that’s got to be a typo, right? I don’t know as many 20 year old chicks as I used to, but I’m damn well sure that I don’t know anyone under the age of 40 who has a terrible momcut like that. Maybe she should’ve divested the funds that got her a new pair of funbags for a vat of Oil of Olay and a Bo Rics gift card!

Second, the item quotes a source as saying “”Heidi just doesn’t want to make a big deal out of [her enhanced melon patch]. She did this for herself, and she’s hoping to keep it as private as possible.” Private, eh? Way to keep a tid lid on things by yapping to US Weekly, Source! With friends like this, who needs frenemies?

Third, this item got me thinking about how lazy the tabs have gotten of late. Your Uncle Grambo is thinking specifically about their inability to dig up any kind of scoopage on Paris Hilton’s newly massive mammillas. Sure, I hear you that the less Paris in the news, the better. Howevs, in this instance, I say THERE’S NO WAY we can allow this clearcut lack of aggression to stand, man! The glossies’ (and, for that matter, the blogs’) failure to cover this beat is akin to a news reporter at the WaPo ditching a Congressional hearing to watch a Judge Mathis marathon. There’s only reason I can see for a Heidi Montag boob job story to make headlines and Paris’ tasty tees to remain on the sidelines … it’s a cover-up! Developing…

UPDATE BUZZ (4:55pm Friday): Well, it turns out US Weekly ended up getting a quote from Miss Montag. I quote, “What I do to my body is for myself and is no one’s business but mine.” Well alrighty then! Also, remember our good friend Source? Well, Source followed up with US Weekly and told them that while Montag was under the knife, she also got underwent some rhinoplizzy. Combo Deal revealed! Good thing that being on a television show gave her a much needed boost of self-esteem.

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Before we start with the pop cult vivisection, your Uncle Grambo would like to provide the FOW Nation with the handiest piece of info you’ll hear this week. Okay, say you’re a bit lost and you want a quick way to find an address or phone number. Rather than dial 411 or pop open your phone’s redonkulously slow web browser, try this hottness instead. Send a text to GOOGLE (466-453) with the name, city and state of the establishment that you are looking for. Within 10 seconds (give or take), Google will text you back w/the establishment’s address and phone number. Not only is it forFREE, it is also forREALZ. Technology! [credit: that random in the west village who taught The Senator and I this trick last night]

Now that you’re in possession of the handiest piece of information since Yahweh knows when, we can get on with the show. Bullet stizz. Natch.

• First things first. Take a look over in the first of the two right-hand sidebars. See that little section called “Catching My Eye”? Even when your Uncle Grambo gets to be the busiest busybody in the Eastern Time Zone (coming REAL soon), I will be sure to update that section at least a few times a day with prime time besteverness. Just so ya know.

• Second things second. While stranded in NYC this weekend (don’t ask), your Uncle Grambo managed to shake off the blahs long enough to catch a late Saturday afternoon screening of “Dead Silence.” While the film didn’t really deliver the kinds of scares that I was hoping for, I must say that it hit all the right notes when it came to setting the mood. From the use of the old-timey Universal Pictures production logo in the opening credits to the creepy funhouse score, the filmmakers hit the same kind of atmospheric notes in the film that you used to see during the Saturday afternoon Creature Features of the 1970s (yo Count Scary, holla atcha boi!). If yr into that sort of thing, “Dead Silence” is def worth Netflixing. Even if the twist makes no sense whatsoevs.
  RELATED: So! Jealous! of the “Dead Silence” swag that showed up on Lisanti’s doorstep.

• The Onion’s AV Club got Win Butler of Arcade Fire to break down why he broke his guitar on SNL a few weeks back, which you’ll recall set off massive reverberations in The Blogosphere™. [via Gawker]
  RELATED: Amy Poehler … Revealed! NY Times steez.

• The evidence continues to pile up pointing towards “Knocked Up” as the runaway comedy sensation of Oh Seven.
  RELATED: Your Uncle’s has already boldly predicted that “Knocked Up” will turn Katherine Heigl into America’s Next Top Sweetheart. But since it was posted during while this site was still in development, I thought I would resurface that buzz now. Obvs.

• Best interview evs? The Grizz interviews The Miz … now on video! Howevs, The Grizz loses points for not asking The Miz if he TF’d Coral’s bombs.

• Not watching Brotherhood 2.0 everyday? For SHAME. That means you missed your Uncle Grambo’s cameo AND John Green’s trip through the abandoned buildings of Dee-Troit. Easily the best vlog since Congdon’s tees got co-opted by Disney.

And finally, last Thursday night saw the much anticipated return of “The Showbiz Show With David Spade.” Everyone who’s ever read this here site knows how gay I am for “The Showbiz Show”; trust you me, last week’s episode did NOT disappoint. Although my fave bit¹ is not yet online, this segment entitled “While We Were Away” sums up the last six months in pop culture in fanfreakingtastic fashion. Sit back and laugh, yo.

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Dude, the Snorg Tees Girl is making a real run at being one of Grambo’s Gals for the calendar year 2007. Not only is she teh cuteness, but there’s something about her ability to straddle the line between mystery and ubiquity that appeals to your Uncle Grambo. She’s one to watch, my friends. One to watch!

While we’re talking Grambo’s Gals of posts past, Olivia Munn is still burning up, burning up for my love. To that end, JP McKrengels just unearthed this clip of Munn talking about her favorite Confederate soldier, Colonel Angus. Giggity.

• Memo to The Shins: Hey, love that music video where you guys ride Segways! Only thing is, I loved it so much more when Guster did it … FOUR MONTHS AGO! If you’re gonna hoark Yonkman’s buzz, at least have the common courtesy to properly attribute the inspirado, yo.

• The list of things your Uncle Grambo doesn’t understand is long and distinguished (just like my johnson). Near the top of said list is Andrew WK’s emergence as a Keynote Speaker (of sorts). It’s not that I don’t like WK — it’s tough to hate someone whose sole purpose in life is to party hard — it’s just tough to fathom that anyone who has ever seen him speak (as The Grizz, The Senator and your Uncle Grambo did back in November) would describe his freeform QNA sessions as anything other than rambling and incoherent. That said, when WK breaks loose, he REALLY breaks loose. Witness what your Uncle Grambo shot here and here.

• Wells. Love him, but methinks he may have lost his marbles.

• This one’s for Damore: Eliza Dushku … in a thong … stripping (NSFW, obvs). [via ONTD]

• I know it’s been rough going over at Time Inc. of late. But if they think that their digital strategy is best served by sending a photog to take pictures of the Northwestern girls lacrosse team and their pitiful living quarters, might I suggest they think again?

• You thought the “Rocky and Bullwinkle” movie blew? Well you’re right, it did. Howevs, your Uncle Grambo’s pretty sure that the upcoming “Chipmunks” film starring Jason Lee will make “Rocky And Bullwinkle” look like “300.”

Oh yeah, “300″. SO! FREAKING! BEST! You say that it never registered with you on any sort of emotional level? I say SO WHAT! You want to get emotional? Grab a box of tampons and watch Lifetime. But if you want to see a movie described as “Tits. Violence. Anger. Repeat.”, that’s EXACTLY what you’ll get when you see “300.” And how about that Lena Headey (she played the wife of King Leonidas)? She’s got the face of a young Connie Nielsen and the nips of a young Farrah Fawcett (NSFW) … wowzers.

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Don’t get a blogga wrong, I love all things Ash. But your Uncle Grambo would be being less than honest with you if I didn’t say that I’m nervous to see what the band’s sound will be like now that the band’s fairest member, Miss Charlotte Hatherley, has gone solo. Which is why, along with the impending release of Miss Hatherley’s second solo record, that I’m leading the charge to change Ash Wednesday to Charlotte Hatherley Wednesday. Your Uncle has been a Charlotte fan for, like, forevs (see pics of Ash @ The Shelter circa `03), so you can imagine how geeched I was to scoop an advance of “The Deep Blue” a few weeks back. The second single off the LP, “I want You To Know”, is a delicious slice of top-notch pop that recalls the Girl Group Sounds of the `60s (lots of “wella wellas”, if you catch my drizzle). Check out the song’s video at the bottom of this post, just after I satiate your thirst for some PHC. True.

• —“All the girls kept saying how fugly she looked as a baldie.”
• —After a slow start in January, Spring 2007 is shaping up to be a cinematic cream dream. Your Uncle Grambo is having a hard time deciding whether to be more fired-up for the release of “Zodiac”, “300″ or “Grindhouse.” Since “Zodiac” is first up on the release calendar, I guess that’s the default choice as of February 21, 2007. Wells is on the record calling Fincher’s first film in five years a “knockout”, adding that he walked out of the theater feeling “like I’d taken an art-film quaalude.” Huzzah! When combined with the mostly positive piece in this Sunday’s NYT, this observer proclaims megabuzzpatrol.

• —The Passion Of The Weiss went to a Camera Obscura show so you don’t have to.

• —Any of you literary cats out there heard anything about the new Smiley jawn? Your Uncle Grambo’s a big fan from the WAYback, but her latest novel is getting mixed reviews. Michiko hated it (obvs), but EW lurved it.

• —18 years, EIGHTEEEN YEARS!

• —Just because Kurt Anderson comes off like a real jabroni in person doesn’t mean that dude isn’t pretty brills when it comes to thinking about the future of the future. For instance, he’s got a real smaht thinkpiece in the new issue of New York Mag heralding web video as the future of the newspaper business. On that note, just wait until The Grizz gets jiggy with his Wrestlemania XXIII coverage over at DetNews.com! [via ETP]

• —Winehouse? More like Cokenose.

• —It’s Creation Records Week over at Send Me Dead Flowers. Curated by one of whatevs (dot org)’s original old skool fools, Kegzies, S.M.D.F. has become a morning must-stop on the Information Superhighway.

And now, as promised, the video for second single off the new Charlotte Hatherley record, “I Want You To Know”…

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