Is there anyone better equipped at capturing the beauty of a young woman drenched in sunlight than Sofia Coppola? In the wake of catching a bit of “The Virgin Suicides” on cable this weekend, I think nyet. And because it had been a few years since my last viewing, your Uncle Grambo only just now realized that A.J. Cook is TOTALLY revealed as one of the doomed Lisbon sisters. Want. To. Touch. The. Heinie!

• Ok, who watched Acceptable TV this weekend like your Uncle Grambo instructed you to? While I’m not sure which of the five shows will be returning this week, I cop to placing my two votes for Joke Chasers and Homeless James Bond. Regarding the former, “Joke Chasers” seems to be the one that the critics dug the mostest (see: Troy Patterson @ Slate, Virginia “Dont Call Me Vagina” Heffernan @ The NYT); tune in on Friday night to see if America agreed!

• “By the end, all one’s left with is unanswered questions. How did I listen to this album 3 times? Why did I listen to this album 3 times? Will I be able to delete this album from the iPod (in my mind)? And of course, who can I talk to about refunding the 3 hours of my life that were wasted listening to this album?” — Damore skewers the new Bad Charlotte record in a review posted today on RecordReviews.org

• While we’re speaking of the old skool, it seems that long-time whatevs (dot org) nemesis SpaceMonkey is back up to his old tricks! Banished from this site eons ago, he has taken his brand of aggressively durst comment-foolery to the Freep.com message boards. And, from the looks of it, his reception there has been equally cold. User 123456 puts it best: “Spacemonkey. Please, stop reading Freep.com. For something that costs you nothing you sure complain A LOT! If you hate it stop reading it. I mean really use your brain.” Poor grammar and punctuation errors aside, I think this qualifies as a ZING!

• Get serious like crazy! Despite the fact that it sports the least sing-a-longable chorus since Liz Phair’s infamous “H.W.C.”, the new Natasha Bedingfield jawn is catchy as all get-out. I wanna have your babies! [via Idolator]

• Dateline Ann Arbor! The Michigan Daily reports that a masturbating trespasser recently invaded the PIKE house. Mind you, said masturbating trespasser was actually a FEMALE masturbating trespasser. How come shit like this never happened at 910 Greenwood? [via JP McKrengels]

• And BOOM goes the dynamite! And by “dynamite”, your Uncle Grambo really means Meredith Viera’s melon. Ouchers McGee!

• And the review is in! Jeffrey Wells (mostly) hearts “Grindhouse” … while he snubs Robert Rodriguez’s “Planet Terror” entry as “tired, gloppy and mostly groan-worthy”, Wells waxes ecstatic as only he can about Quentin Tarantino’s entry, “Death Proof.” Witness the quickness:
  
  

  “It’s a foxy, half-crazy, smirky B-movie wallow with nary a thought or a theme of any kind, but it’s a complete fuck-all pleasure to just rock and ride along with, and the car-chase finale (the star of which is New Zealand stuntwoman Zoe Bell, who stunt-dubbed for Uma Thurman in ‘Kill Bill’) is the absolute shit.”

  
  Huzzah! When “Grindhouse” opens April 6, I will SO be there.

And, in closing, your Uncle Grambo and The Senator were fortunate enough to attend an event on Friday night honoring President William Jefferson Clinton (or, as his friends call him, Bill). Held at the Hilton New York Grand Ballroom here in Midtown NYC, the first annual Salvation Army Spring Gala raised over $1MM for Emergency Disaster Relief funding. Aside from the evening’s one shining moment (which, obvs, was seeing Bill Clinton live and in the flesh¹), the evening’s best laugh came courtesy of The Senator (natch).

As we were working our way through our first course, we noticed a woman walking into the venue a good 20 minutes late. The slenderish, dark-haired woman was a good 100 feet away from our table when The Senator leaned into me and whispered, “Is that Julia Allison?” I craned my head around to take a closer look and then IMMEDIATELY burst out laughing. Not because it WAS Julia Allison, but because the person in question was none other than Fran Freaking Drescher!!! Up until that point, I had never really noticed that there was a such a strong resemblence between the two, both in their visages and in their figures. After taking a look at photographic evidence presented below, I’m sure you too will find the resemblance to be uncanny!

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Here your Uncle Grambo was, all excited to present the FOW Nation with a brand-spankin’ new whatevs (dot org) redesign on Valentine’s Day, when the lovely and talented Julia Allison had to go and upstage me not once but twice by baring her bangin’ bikini-ready bod. Well, I guess I shouldn’t feel that bad … in the blog-centric circles that your Uncle Grambo runs in, Julia got even more run today than Beyonce on the cover of SI. Despite facing massive competish from these scantily-clad sextarts, your Uncle Grambo will not be denied … the show must go on!

So, um, yeah, here we are! What do you think of the new digs? The primary goal of all this was to step up whatevs (dot org)’s game enough to keep up with the Digital Joneses of the Web 2.0 revolution while still retaining a familiar look and feel for the tride and true members of the FOW Nation. To that end, here’s a breakdown of a few of the major things that were rehauled:

• SWITCHED PUBLISHING PLATFORMS — Bye bye Blogger, hello WordPress.

• ADDED TAGS — Hopefully this helps you, the user, make the best use of your time here at whatevs (dot org). Note: Tagging began on January 1, 2007 — combing back through the archives proved to be WAY too hard a task to complete.

• UPDATED COMMENTING SYSTEM — Don’t get me wrong, I loved the backBlog system. But it started getting really spammy late last year, particularly on pages that were getting good Google traction.

• BRAND NEW FEEDS — Those of you who are hip to the RSS game will now be able to subscribe to both your Uncle Grambo’s rants AND get the instant scoop from the feisty commenter community. That is, if you’re ready for Yale Bloor in your Google Reader.

• ADVERTISING — Yeah yeah yeah, I know. But when I got word earlier this week that my primary sponsor decided to channel their funds elsewhere, I found myself running cash-negative on the operation side of this site. Trust your Uncle Grambo, the last thing I want to do is whore this space out, neckcar stizz. I just want to break even (ie, cover the $250/yr it costs to keep this site up and running). Hopefully you won’t find the advertisers too intrusive in your surfing experience.

While that might not seem like much, these changes are the result of a long and arduous process that’s actually still in flux a bit. In other words, please pardon our dust as we continue to tweak a few things that will (hopefully) make this site even more dope.

But before I unleash you to explore the previously embargoed content, it should be noted that this site is a customized derivation of the Tri-Sexuality Standard Theme built by Scott Jarkoff, a theme I first discovered when Big Plans Big Crash launched. Thanks for the inspirado, gents. Also, big ups to Head Set Options for all of their hard work behind the scenes to get everything up and running.

And with that, welcome to Version 4.0 of whatevs (dot org) … bovs on your respective tees!

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