Baron Davis. Some say donning the Bullet Fedora this weekend makes him the best Baron since The Beer Baron. Rex Banner and Mark Cuban, be damned!

• Michael Bublé wants us to call him irresponsible. Too bad we already call him dildo.

• Hey History Channel. I know that you’re coming to grips with the fact that your audience isn’t getting any younger, but shouldn’t you be thinking of ways to diversify your programming without taking a dump on the Greatest Generation? Band Of Bloggers my ASS!

• Is there a more useless continent than Australia? Seriously, can’t think of a SINGLE redeeming quality that Australia brings to the table (save maybe Naomi Watts). The fact that they imported Kristin Cavallari to spice up their MTV Music Awards just proves that the entire nation is devoid of any buzz whatsoevs.

• Oh, New York Times. Sometimes I think you do stupid things just so bloggers like your Uncle Grambo will link to you. At least that’s what I’m hoping. I couldn’t come up with any other reasons to justify the existence of a headline like “DJ AM: His Life, Times, Shoes” running in their Styles section yesterday. That said, propers are due for going to Nick Catchdubs for a choice quote.

• Ever since Acceptable debuted, I’ve kinda been crushing on Jen Kirkman. Let’s just say that I’m buying whatever it is that she’s selling.

• Jeffrey Wells. Read him, know him, love him. This recap of an encounter with Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson is worth the price of admission in and of itself. Even better? There’s no admission price!

• Welcome back, Herbert Kornfeld! It’s been two long years since we last heard from you. Please don’t make it another two years, Zweibel!

Lastly, your Uncle Grambo would like to award a special Medal Of Brilltascity to Ken Paves (pictured below) for convincing Jessica Simpson to dye her hair brown. As Steven Tyler would say, J. Simpson has been lookin’ F-I-N-E Fine ever since discovering what brown can do for her. Burrito supreme! [pics via Egotastic]

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Is there anyone better equipped at capturing the beauty of a young woman drenched in sunlight than Sofia Coppola? In the wake of catching a bit of “The Virgin Suicides” on cable this weekend, I think nyet. And because it had been a few years since my last viewing, your Uncle Grambo only just now realized that A.J. Cook is TOTALLY revealed as one of the doomed Lisbon sisters. Want. To. Touch. The. Heinie!

• Ok, who watched Acceptable TV this weekend like your Uncle Grambo instructed you to? While I’m not sure which of the five shows will be returning this week, I cop to placing my two votes for Joke Chasers and Homeless James Bond. Regarding the former, “Joke Chasers” seems to be the one that the critics dug the mostest (see: Troy Patterson @ Slate, Virginia “Dont Call Me Vagina” Heffernan @ The NYT); tune in on Friday night to see if America agreed!

• “By the end, all one’s left with is unanswered questions. How did I listen to this album 3 times? Why did I listen to this album 3 times? Will I be able to delete this album from the iPod (in my mind)? And of course, who can I talk to about refunding the 3 hours of my life that were wasted listening to this album?” — Damore skewers the new Bad Charlotte record in a review posted today on RecordReviews.org

• While we’re speaking of the old skool, it seems that long-time whatevs (dot org) nemesis SpaceMonkey is back up to his old tricks! Banished from this site eons ago, he has taken his brand of aggressively durst comment-foolery to the Freep.com message boards. And, from the looks of it, his reception there has been equally cold. User 123456 puts it best: “Spacemonkey. Please, stop reading Freep.com. For something that costs you nothing you sure complain A LOT! If you hate it stop reading it. I mean really use your brain.” Poor grammar and punctuation errors aside, I think this qualifies as a ZING!

• Get serious like crazy! Despite the fact that it sports the least sing-a-longable chorus since Liz Phair’s infamous “H.W.C.”, the new Natasha Bedingfield jawn is catchy as all get-out. I wanna have your babies! [via Idolator]

• Dateline Ann Arbor! The Michigan Daily reports that a masturbating trespasser recently invaded the PIKE house. Mind you, said masturbating trespasser was actually a FEMALE masturbating trespasser. How come shit like this never happened at 910 Greenwood? [via JP McKrengels]

• And BOOM goes the dynamite! And by “dynamite”, your Uncle Grambo really means Meredith Viera’s melon. Ouchers McGee!

• And the review is in! Jeffrey Wells (mostly) hearts “Grindhouse” … while he snubs Robert Rodriguez’s “Planet Terror” entry as “tired, gloppy and mostly groan-worthy”, Wells waxes ecstatic as only he can about Quentin Tarantino’s entry, “Death Proof.” Witness the quickness:
  
  

  “It’s a foxy, half-crazy, smirky B-movie wallow with nary a thought or a theme of any kind, but it’s a complete fuck-all pleasure to just rock and ride along with, and the car-chase finale (the star of which is New Zealand stuntwoman Zoe Bell, who stunt-dubbed for Uma Thurman in ‘Kill Bill’) is the absolute shit.”

  
  Huzzah! When “Grindhouse” opens April 6, I will SO be there.

And, in closing, your Uncle Grambo and The Senator were fortunate enough to attend an event on Friday night honoring President William Jefferson Clinton (or, as his friends call him, Bill). Held at the Hilton New York Grand Ballroom here in Midtown NYC, the first annual Salvation Army Spring Gala raised over $1MM for Emergency Disaster Relief funding. Aside from the evening’s one shining moment (which, obvs, was seeing Bill Clinton live and in the flesh¹), the evening’s best laugh came courtesy of The Senator (natch).

As we were working our way through our first course, we noticed a woman walking into the venue a good 20 minutes late. The slenderish, dark-haired woman was a good 100 feet away from our table when The Senator leaned into me and whispered, “Is that Julia Allison?” I craned my head around to take a closer look and then IMMEDIATELY burst out laughing. Not because it WAS Julia Allison, but because the person in question was none other than Fran Freaking Drescher!!! Up until that point, I had never really noticed that there was a such a strong resemblence between the two, both in their visages and in their figures. After taking a look at photographic evidence presented below, I’m sure you too will find the resemblance to be uncanny!

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Dude, the Snorg Tees Girl is making a real run at being one of Grambo’s Gals for the calendar year 2007. Not only is she teh cuteness, but there’s something about her ability to straddle the line between mystery and ubiquity that appeals to your Uncle Grambo. She’s one to watch, my friends. One to watch!

While we’re talking Grambo’s Gals of posts past, Olivia Munn is still burning up, burning up for my love. To that end, JP McKrengels just unearthed this clip of Munn talking about her favorite Confederate soldier, Colonel Angus. Giggity.

• Memo to The Shins: Hey, love that music video where you guys ride Segways! Only thing is, I loved it so much more when Guster did it … FOUR MONTHS AGO! If you’re gonna hoark Yonkman’s buzz, at least have the common courtesy to properly attribute the inspirado, yo.

• The list of things your Uncle Grambo doesn’t understand is long and distinguished (just like my johnson). Near the top of said list is Andrew WK’s emergence as a Keynote Speaker (of sorts). It’s not that I don’t like WK — it’s tough to hate someone whose sole purpose in life is to party hard — it’s just tough to fathom that anyone who has ever seen him speak (as The Grizz, The Senator and your Uncle Grambo did back in November) would describe his freeform QNA sessions as anything other than rambling and incoherent. That said, when WK breaks loose, he REALLY breaks loose. Witness what your Uncle Grambo shot here and here.

• Wells. Love him, but methinks he may have lost his marbles.

• This one’s for Damore: Eliza Dushku … in a thong … stripping (NSFW, obvs). [via ONTD]

• I know it’s been rough going over at Time Inc. of late. But if they think that their digital strategy is best served by sending a photog to take pictures of the Northwestern girls lacrosse team and their pitiful living quarters, might I suggest they think again?

• You thought the “Rocky and Bullwinkle” movie blew? Well you’re right, it did. Howevs, your Uncle Grambo’s pretty sure that the upcoming “Chipmunks” film starring Jason Lee will make “Rocky And Bullwinkle” look like “300.”

Oh yeah, “300″. SO! FREAKING! BEST! You say that it never registered with you on any sort of emotional level? I say SO WHAT! You want to get emotional? Grab a box of tampons and watch Lifetime. But if you want to see a movie described as “Tits. Violence. Anger. Repeat.”, that’s EXACTLY what you’ll get when you see “300.” And how about that Lena Headey (she played the wife of King Leonidas)? She’s got the face of a young Connie Nielsen and the nips of a young Farrah Fawcett (NSFW) … wowzers.

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Don’t get a blogga wrong, I love all things Ash. But your Uncle Grambo would be being less than honest with you if I didn’t say that I’m nervous to see what the band’s sound will be like now that the band’s fairest member, Miss Charlotte Hatherley, has gone solo. Which is why, along with the impending release of Miss Hatherley’s second solo record, that I’m leading the charge to change Ash Wednesday to Charlotte Hatherley Wednesday. Your Uncle has been a Charlotte fan for, like, forevs (see pics of Ash @ The Shelter circa `03), so you can imagine how geeched I was to scoop an advance of “The Deep Blue” a few weeks back. The second single off the LP, “I want You To Know”, is a delicious slice of top-notch pop that recalls the Girl Group Sounds of the `60s (lots of “wella wellas”, if you catch my drizzle). Check out the song’s video at the bottom of this post, just after I satiate your thirst for some PHC. True.

• —“All the girls kept saying how fugly she looked as a baldie.”
• —After a slow start in January, Spring 2007 is shaping up to be a cinematic cream dream. Your Uncle Grambo is having a hard time deciding whether to be more fired-up for the release of “Zodiac”, “300″ or “Grindhouse.” Since “Zodiac” is first up on the release calendar, I guess that’s the default choice as of February 21, 2007. Wells is on the record calling Fincher’s first film in five years a “knockout”, adding that he walked out of the theater feeling “like I’d taken an art-film quaalude.” Huzzah! When combined with the mostly positive piece in this Sunday’s NYT, this observer proclaims megabuzzpatrol.

• —The Passion Of The Weiss went to a Camera Obscura show so you don’t have to.

• —Any of you literary cats out there heard anything about the new Smiley jawn? Your Uncle Grambo’s a big fan from the WAYback, but her latest novel is getting mixed reviews. Michiko hated it (obvs), but EW lurved it.

• —18 years, EIGHTEEEN YEARS!

• —Just because Kurt Anderson comes off like a real jabroni in person doesn’t mean that dude isn’t pretty brills when it comes to thinking about the future of the future. For instance, he’s got a real smaht thinkpiece in the new issue of New York Mag heralding web video as the future of the newspaper business. On that note, just wait until The Grizz gets jiggy with his Wrestlemania XXIII coverage over at DetNews.com! [via ETP]

• —Winehouse? More like Cokenose.

• —It’s Creation Records Week over at Send Me Dead Flowers. Curated by one of whatevs (dot org)’s original old skool fools, Kegzies, S.M.D.F. has become a morning must-stop on the Information Superhighway.

And now, as promised, the video for second single off the new Charlotte Hatherley record, “I Want You To Know”…

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• I’m supposed to be living in the media capital of the nation, if not the world. So how come I can’t find a copy of this month’s Los Angeles Magazine to save my life? I really, really wanted to read the feature on Jeffrey Wells (!!!) and Dave Poland (”The Blog Whisperers”) at lunch today, old fashioned stizz. Even after hitting up all of the various newsstands in Times Square (including a run to the Virgin Megastore), I still came up empty. Oh well, I guess that’s why they invented the Internerd™.

  RELATED: Jeffrey Wells on Jeffrey Wells! Some say even better than Scagnetti On Scagnetti!

• AllMusic.com is the most comprehensive music site on The Internerd™, no doubt about it. There’s also no doubt that it’s the most lifeless music site on The Internerd™. It’s hard to put a finger on why a site so best can simultaneously be so durst, but Dean Simakis’ assertion is that it’s a design issue.

  RELATED: This week’s Metro Times features a mammoth story on All Music … good stuff.

• All kinds of breaking Sarah Shannon news to share. After Angels Twenty revealed a few weeks back that one of your Uncle’s all-time fave indie rock babes has a new solo jawn on the way, yesterday saw a veritable explosion of S.S. related content on The Internets. Both Chrome Waves and Idolator were on the scene to serve up some yummy Velocity Girl goodness. The latter, in particular, revealed an AMAZING V.G. find from the Sub Pop Singles days.

• Not sure if its the competitive nature of the industry or what, but man oh man, it seems like nothing pleases NY media types more than the opportunity to wallow around in a warm bath of schadenfreude. Me, I hate it when bad things happen to good people. Which hopefully explains why there’s not much I can say about Chris Shott’s “Blog Ghetto” piece in The Observer today. If you’re looking for commentary, look no further than Gawker … obvs.

• Dude, have you SEEN that that fucking shark? SO CRAZED! So crazed that, if it had appeared in “The Life Aquatic”, it would’ve salvaged that otherwise terrible film.
• Oprah and Bill Bonds. `Nuff said.

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