Let it be known that I don’t watch “The Hills.” Nor did I watch “Laguna Beach.” No shame in doing so, I suppose, they just aren’t my cup of Tetley’s. But since I do read US Weekly, your Uncle Grambo learned yesterday that 20 year-old Heidi Montag, who apparently stars in “The Hills,” got a boob-job yesterday. Normally, items like this would slip right by a jaded old skool fool like myself, but three things about this item caught my eye.

First, the item lists this Montag broad as being 20 years old. Surely, that’s got to be a typo, right? I don’t know as many 20 year old chicks as I used to, but I’m damn well sure that I don’t know anyone under the age of 40 who has a terrible momcut like that. Maybe she should’ve divested the funds that got her a new pair of funbags for a vat of Oil of Olay and a Bo Rics gift card!

Second, the item quotes a source as saying “”Heidi just doesn’t want to make a big deal out of [her enhanced melon patch]. She did this for herself, and she’s hoping to keep it as private as possible.” Private, eh? Way to keep a tid lid on things by yapping to US Weekly, Source! With friends like this, who needs frenemies?

Third, this item got me thinking about how lazy the tabs have gotten of late. Your Uncle Grambo is thinking specifically about their inability to dig up any kind of scoopage on Paris Hilton’s newly massive mammillas. Sure, I hear you that the less Paris in the news, the better. Howevs, in this instance, I say THERE’S NO WAY we can allow this clearcut lack of aggression to stand, man! The glossies’ (and, for that matter, the blogs’) failure to cover this beat is akin to a news reporter at the WaPo ditching a Congressional hearing to watch a Judge Mathis marathon. There’s only reason I can see for a Heidi Montag boob job story to make headlines and Paris’ tasty tees to remain on the sidelines … it’s a cover-up! Developing…

UPDATE BUZZ (4:55pm Friday): Well, it turns out US Weekly ended up getting a quote from Miss Montag. I quote, “What I do to my body is for myself and is no one’s business but mine.” Well alrighty then! Also, remember our good friend Source? Well, Source followed up with US Weekly and told them that while Montag was under the knife, she also got underwent some rhinoplizzy. Combo Deal revealed! Good thing that being on a television show gave her a much needed boost of self-esteem.

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