In the aftermath of the events that went down in Vegas during “The Hip-Hop Woodstock”, this blogga isn’t exactly itching to get back to Sin City. Fortunately for you, the reader, The Hand-Some Chef does not share my fear of firearms. Brazenly rolling into Vegas with a garbage bag fulla hundred dolla bills (PacMan Jones stizz), whatevs (dot org)’s resident foodie recently bet the house on a king-size meal at Bouchon. Double down, yo!

BOUCHON (Las Vegas, NV)

Who woulda thunk that you would be able to find the quintessential Parisian Bistro in Las Vegas? I kid you not! Vegas, baby … VEGAS!

Housed in the elegant Venetian Resort and Casino, a little bit of France lies just above droves of tourists, slot machines, and free drinks. In a world of neon and debauchery, Chef Thomas Keller (of French Laundry fame, duh!) has brought his lesser known Napa establishment, Bouchon, to Sin City. From the moment you walk in you swear, it’s like you just stepped off the Champs-Élysées and into a “Froggy” Bistro. The only difference is this one is not filled with A-Holes.

The menu is stacked with authentic moderately priced (by Vegas standards, natch) bistro classics like Bouidin Blanc, Steak Frites, mussles Moules, and Truite aux Amandes. I would go on and on, and on, and on, but you get the point. I could have easily started my meal with the wonderfully fresh Fruits de Mer, displayed at the bar; however, I decided to begin with the Braised Pork Belly with Pickled Bing Cherries and French Green Lentils. Yes, if there is Pork Belly on the menu, I am going to eat it.

How was it? The belly was braised to perfection. Crispy on the outside with a layer of gelatinous fat followed by the layers of meat and more fat, found its way into my list of the best bellies in the U.S (just behind the pork belly from The French Laundry, which will always remain number one in my heart … and my arteries). The lentils with diced carrots were the perfect accoutrement to balance the texture and rich flavors of the dish — bonus points for being flavored with enough garlic to scare Dracula.

For my entrée, I made sure to keep with my “Heart Smart” theme (sarcasm, duh). I gleefully ordered the Braised Beef Short Ribs with Toasted Corn Crepes, Forest Mushroom, and Beef Jus. Vegans be damned! The ribs were succulent; once again, the braising techniques by Keller’s chefs are second to none. The corn crepe was a nice surprise. Small thin crepes filled with mashed corn with the right amount of garlic proved to be a great accompaniment to the ribs. The mushrooms and the beef jus went together with the ribs like Pepé Le Pew and that white striped painted cat (oh, how I miss Saturday morning cartoons).

The moderate to high-priced wine list was primarily French (go figure!); however, there was the right amount of American wines for the anti-France “Freedom Fries” contingent. I chose two glasses of Pinot Noir from Santa Barbara — I know, they should have been Burgundys, but you can’t blame me cuz I’m Proud To Be An American! The acidity in the Pinots cut through the rich savory dishes and thinned my blood enough to move on to the dessert (which, btw, ended up being my Waterloo).

After joining some friends at a nearby table, the three of us shared three desserts: Crème Brulee, Crepe’s Bouchon, and a Strawberry Sundae, accompanied by three glasses of Hine Antique Cognac. The Crème Brulee, classically made with vanilla bean and a thin crispy sugary crust, is a to-die-for must at Bouchon. I could go on about the other desserts, but to be frank, my stomach is getting in the way of the keyboard.

As with all of Thomas Keller’s restaurants, the service was top notch. Everyone on the wait staff, from the bartenders to the bus boys, were knowledgeable, friendly, and well-polished without being the least bit stuffy.

In closing, this is not your over-the-top pricey restaurant you see from other celebrity chefs all over Vegas. I have eaten at Bouchon three times and my opinion of the food, the atmosphere, and the staff has not wavered once. Get off “The Strip”, put on a beret, and say “Oui, oui!” to Bouchon.

The Hand-Some Chef’s Rating: 5 Hands (out of 5).

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During a recent excursion to Dallywood, The Hand-Some Chef managed to secure a table for two at Craft, one of the area’s most renowned hotspots. How did it stack up? Check out his exclusive review!

CRAFT (Dallas, TX).

Dear Mom, please send money. I just ate at Craft – Dallas … and I’m still hungry. Tom Colicchio has brought his much-ballyhooed New York eatery, Craft, to the chic W Hotel in downtown Dallas. Beautiful people abounding, two of us sat down for a meal that, given the admiration that Mr. Colicchio is given by our nation’s newspapers often “bought-for” food critics, we thought was going to be a delight. The much-anticipated dinner brought a mixture of gastronomic delight, disappointment and, surprisingly, a great amount of indifference.

The décor of the welcoming dining room was classy with warm finishes (who writes that?) and countered the modern feel from the trendy W Hotel. For some reason, mohair booths (not the most practical fabric for restaurants) lined the far edge of the room, providing a great view of the of the entire restaurant. The background music was a touch slow, too “elevatory” and didn’t fit the ambiance, especially with the elevator to the Ghost Bar so close at hand. Enough ambiance already, on to the food!

The food, as proclaimed by the waitstaff, is very fresh and seasonal, and is meant to be served in the middle of the table and shared with your party. The problem was the food portions were too small to share. I need more than a couple of bites to truly enjoy a meal. I’m not talking “The Old Ninety-Sixer” size, just bigger than the doled-out portions they serve.

It was recommended by our knowledgeable yet unopinionated server (who, btw, is NOT entertained by bad jokes) to share a first course, main course, and a side dish each. This would give us the chance to try six different flavors and preparations. It was also suggested to partake in a couple of wines from their well-chosen but overpriced wine list, to be enjoyed with our meal. Two Pinot Noirs were the perfect accompaniment, no thanks to the non-existent sommelier.

The two first courses were the Raw Heirloom Tomato Salad and the Roasted Fresh Bacon. The tomatoes, currently in season, oozed with flavor, were sliced and drizzled with balsamic vinegar and olive oil. Regardless of the freshness and taste, everyday Heirloom Tomato Varietals, sliced, with balsamic is on the menu at every restaurant these days, and for what probably amounted to one good-sized Beefsteak tomato, $14 is a little steep. [SIDE NOTE: Since when is a grape tomato considered heirloom?]

The Fresh Bacon, was the highlight of the evening. The “belly” was braised and covered with a sweet glaze that complimented the meat to perfection. Topped with red currants, the pork melted in my mouth and sent my taste buds reeling for more. But then things took a turn for the worse.

We went on to order the braised Beef Short Ribs and roasted Halibut for main courses and the Sweet Corn and Chanterelle Risotto and Roasted Zucchini for sides. The Beef Short Ribs, made famous at the original Craft in New York, were beyond flavorless. The braised meat was cooked to perfection, tender to the point of falling apart; however, it might be nice to have some bit of flavor remotely present. Even a douse from the peppermill or a sprinkling of salt would have made this black hole of flavor come forth again. The portion was not made to be shared, at least not by your average sized human.

The Halibut was fresh and perfectly cooked with what seemed to be a light curry sauce surrounding it. This was good, however, very mainstream. The same preparation and flavor could be had at any decent restaurant in most any city. The baby zucchini was roasted with hints of thyme. What can I say, a plate of sliced baby zucchini is not worth $9. And although the fresh flavors of the corn and chanterelles came through in the risotto, the rice was over cooked and mushy. For food that is supposed to be simply prepared, the risotto missed the boat completely.

Peach Buckle with Sweet Corn Ice Cream finished the night,and was quite enjoyable; the perfect summer dessert. Long story short about the food (too late!); small, simple, expensive.

I thought that everything in Texas was supposedly big … apparently not! The “Big-D” is known for its wealth, and Mr. Colichio seems to be capitalizing on it. Craft should be touted as nothing more than a tapas restaurant, with a famous Chef, and a heavy price tag.

The Hand-Some Chef’s Rating: 3 Hands (out of 5).

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Today, my friends, is a special day. For years and years, your Uncle Grambo has silently been scheming and plotting a way to extend the palate of coverage you see here on whatevs (dot org) outside of the realm of the pop culture. In a fortunate twist of events, I was recently introduced to a person (who shall remain anonymous for the time being) who has both a culinary background AND the means to dine at some of this country’s greatest restaurants. After speaking at great length over the course of months and months, I was finally able to persuade this individual to share their experiences with you all, the ravenous members of the FOW Nation.

We have a few reviews queued up that will be released over the coming weeks. Namely, Craft (Dallas) and Bouchon (Las Vegas). But in an attempt to pay tribute to the large percentage of Detroiters frequent this here site, we thought it best to start you off with some local fare. So without further ado, please enjoy The Hand-Some Chef’s review of the Royal Oak, MI staple, Bastone…

Greetings and salutations from the “Hand-Some Chef”, my culinary compadres!!! In the coming months, my Sous Chef and I will be reviewing the restaurant scene, from a fresh perspective — pun intended — exclusively for whatevs (dot org). The goal of the reviews is to give the readers our unadulterated view of the restaurant’s food, ambiance, service, wine list, clientele, etc. With that in mind, let’s get it started.

BASTONE (Royal Oak, MI).

For a place deemed by Hour Detroit as “the hot new dining scene”, Bastone was a disappointment from the minute we walked in — especially considering its billing as a French Bistro/ Belgian Brewery. With the high lofted ceilings, we felt as if we were in your typically trite brew pub. The white-tile wall, in particular, was horribly out of place. Note to the owners: a white-clad wait staff does not a French Bistro make.

As we walked to our table we were disappointed at the appearance of most of the clientele. If this is a “hot spot”, evidently shorts and t-shirts are the posh things to wear out on a Friday night. Although there were some people who came in dressed appropriately, the majority of people dining looked as if they were going to Tony’s Truck Stop for a pound of bacon. And the wait staff, although friendly, seemed untrained and looked as if they just came out of a punk rock concert (definitely not French Bistro).

The meal continued our disappointment. The predominately French menu, with a few Belgian dishes, and a surprisingly large number of burger choices was priced accordingly, based on the predominantly late twentysomething to early thirtysomething crowd. Our meal started with a fried artichoke appetizer which, sad to say, was the best part of our meal (besides the wine). This should not be a positive in any way, how hard is it to screw up fried food?

Anyway, seeing as how Bastone is supposed to be a French Bistro and all, we decided upon the standard fare of Steak Frite, which is supposed to be along the lines of a hanger steak and thin cut french fries. Instead, we were served an overcooked sirloin that lacked flavor with small thick undercooked fries. We managed to consume what we could with the help of two bottles of wine. The first, a Hermitage, and the second, a Cote-du-Rhone (both from the reputable French producer E.Guigal).

As far as the drinks are concerned, the wine list was small but reasonably priced, with bargains for the discerning eye to be found. As with any French/Belgian Bistro, the Cuban Mojito was well-advertised (it’s called sarcasm, people). We tried one of their “famous” Mojitos, being touted as the best, but instead found a below average knock-off made with Rose’s Lime Juice instead of real limes. Thinking about it now, the mojito pretty much personified our entire experience at Bastone. A restaurant without an identity, serving average fare, to a clientele that doesn’t know any better.

The Hand-Some Chef’s Rating: 1 Hand (out of 5).

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