Say your prayers! Eat your vitamins! And wear your eyeliner!

Wait, wear your eyeliner? I don’t remember The Hulkster advocating eyeliner to the likes of “Mean” Gene Okerlund. But now that The Black Parade has merged with an army of Hulkamaniacs in the astoundingly tigs mashup below, nothing will ever be the same. Obvs, this comes courtesy of The Grizz and his excellent Wrestlemania 23 Blog on Detnews.com. Carry on, Hulkster, carry on!

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NOTE FROM YOUR UNCLE GRAMBO: For five years now, Jason Nummer has been covering the SNL beat for whatevs (dot org). In that time, both he and H-Bomb (who retired after the 2005-2006 season) have been lauded for their constructive critiques of the show, mainly because they refuse to fall into either of the two main divisions of SNL fans — those that blindly support all things Lorne vs. those that constantly have the show on Death Watch. Through a fortunate series of occurences, both Nummer and his fiancée Jenn were able to attend BOTH the dress rehearsal and live broadcast of Saturday Night Live’s 2/10/07 episode, featuring host Forest Whitaker and musical guest Keith Urban. What follows is a recounting of their experiences that evening … enjoy!

We arrived at Rockefeller Center around 6:30 PM on that legendary Saturday, as Dress Rehearsals begin promptly at 8pm. As you are taken up to Studio 8H, you wait in a long hallway littered with endless amounts of framed pictures featuring past hosts and classic SNL moments going back to Season 1. Waiting here also provides a glimpse into the working atmosphere of SNL. Andy Samberg darts by into a hallway where Seth Meyers’ dressing room is visible. Writers walk past carrying scripts marked with circles and arrows. SNL band leader Lenny Pickett escorts what I’m guessing was his family into the studio. I absorb it all in like a drug fiend.

Jumping ahead to the live show, we’re ushered into the studio around 10:50 PM. Walking into 8H and seeing all the sets, stage hands and Lorne Michaels (!!!) scurrying around below you is amazing. On the main stage where Whitaker will soon be giving his monologue, Pickett and the Saturday Night Live Band (with Christine Ohlman on vocals) begin a 20 minute set of bluesy warm-up music while the rest of the audience members find their seats.

Read the entire entry …

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“The point is, ladies and gentleman, that brands — for lack of a better word — are good.

Brands are right.

Brands work.

Brands clarify, cut through, and capture the essence of the evolutionary spirit.

Brands, in all of their forms — brands for life, for money, for love, knowledge — have marked the upward surge of mankind.

And brands — you mark my words — will not only save Teldar Paper, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA.”

Your Uncle Grambo is an absolute FREAK when it comes to brands. Gordon Gekko ain’t got nuthin’ on me when it comes to supporting all of the goody goodness that brands stand for. In fact, the only thing I like more than individual brands themselves is when two brands come together and make sweet, passionate cross-promotional love. Nothing better exemplifies the kind of besteverness that I’m talking about than the newly formed union between Crest and Scope.

So last weekend, The Senator and I made a run to the local Rite Aid for some b’room supplies. You know, razors, deodes, the like. Anyway, your Uncle Grambo was strolling down the mouth product aisle when I noticed a new flavor of Crest (my fave brand of toothpaste!) on the shelves, one that featured the “fresh flavor” of Cool Peppermint Scope (my fave brand of mouthwash!). Conveniently, there just so happened to be a nice 50 ounce bottle of Cool Peppermint Scope sitting on a shelf a mere three feet away. Faster than you can say “SYNERGY!”, I swooped both of them up and bolted for the cash register. I ran so fast back to my house, people in the street probably thought I had a mean case of the Hershey Squirts coming on. Truth is, I just couldn’t wait to try out my crackin’ new toothpaste/mouthwash combo.

And friends, let me tell you, I’m glad I ran. Never before have I experienced a more pleasant, more enjoyable, more SATISFYING toothbrushing/mouthrinsing double dip. If synergy had a taste, I bet it would taste exactly like this. The moment when the Cool Peppermint Scope hits your freshly cleansed teeth (still glistening with Cool Peppermint residue), it’s like both Proctor AND muthafrakkin’ Gamble are both jazzing their most euphoric jazz all up in your mizz. It’s like the best dream you ever had, only it’s REAL, people! Which is why you need to stop whatever it is you’re doing right now, ditch your three-piece suit, run and don’t walk to your nearest Rite-Aid/Perry’s, pick up this cream dream of brand-y brandness, and go home and brush your teeth … NAKED.

Listen to me now and thank me later, brosef. Trust your Uncle on this one. You won’t regret it.

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• When Damizz was in town a couple weekends back, we abstained from pounding beers for a few hours so we could catch an afternoon screening of “The Hitcher” at the local googleplex. And you know what? It was surprisingly best. Before Lindsay pounces on me, let me clarify. It wasn’t nearly as best as, say, “The Descent”, but it was def WAY more enjoyable than the other nu-wave horror remakes (”The Hills Have Eyes”, “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”) that have been released under the Michael Bay banner. And man oh man, how come no one ever told me that Sophia Bush was such a Backstage Betty? Her shower scene was worth the $11 alone. Recommendation? Netflix that sh*t, holmes.

• Speaking of Michael Bay sanctioned horror flicks, you just know that “The Hills Have Eyes 2″ is going to be terrible con carne. That said, the teaser trailer is definitely Boobs McGee.

• Why did it take me nearly six weeks to hear about Olivia Munn popping her top during a heated boxing match on the Wii? Giggity! [via SuperiorPics]

• Are you a “W.H.A.S.” fanatic who is having difficulty coming to grips with the fact that August 3rd is still a full seven months away? Fear not, my friends. “The Michael Showalter Showalter” ought to tide you over for a bit.

• Is it strange that I prefer reading Bill Simmons’ thoughts on basketball to watching an actual NBA game? Can’t some enterprising production person at ABC or ESPN figure out a way to integrate Bill Simmons into their telecasts in some way OTHER than calling play-by-play?

• Don’t remember exactly how I discovered it, but Indexed is fast becoming one of my fave reads. Bookmark that sh*t, pronto.

• Does the fact that HK Flix has stopped selling a region-free copy of “El Topo” mean that Abcko Films is finally going to put this masterpiece out on DVD Stateside? Don’t hold your breath, this thing has been pushed back even more than the equally anticipated DVD release of the second season of “Twin Peaks”! With that in mind, be sure NOT! TO! MISS! IT! as restored prints of “El Topo” and “The Holy Mountain” make a cross-country tour of the nation’s finest art house cinemas. Even you, A²!

• Fire up, Chips! Soon-to-be-famous alumnus Chris Kula is going to be appearing on an upcoming episode of “30 Rock”! Buzz.

• Dude. “New Dance Show.” OUTRAGEOUS! [via DataWhat? and Rob Theakston]

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• I’m supposed to be living in the media capital of the nation, if not the world. So how come I can’t find a copy of this month’s Los Angeles Magazine to save my life? I really, really wanted to read the feature on Jeffrey Wells (!!!) and Dave Poland (”The Blog Whisperers”) at lunch today, old fashioned stizz. Even after hitting up all of the various newsstands in Times Square (including a run to the Virgin Megastore), I still came up empty. Oh well, I guess that’s why they invented the Internerd™.

  RELATED: Jeffrey Wells on Jeffrey Wells! Some say even better than Scagnetti On Scagnetti!

• AllMusic.com is the most comprehensive music site on The Internerd™, no doubt about it. There’s also no doubt that it’s the most lifeless music site on The Internerd™. It’s hard to put a finger on why a site so best can simultaneously be so durst, but Dean Simakis’ assertion is that it’s a design issue.

  RELATED: This week’s Metro Times features a mammoth story on All Music … good stuff.

• All kinds of breaking Sarah Shannon news to share. After Angels Twenty revealed a few weeks back that one of your Uncle’s all-time fave indie rock babes has a new solo jawn on the way, yesterday saw a veritable explosion of S.S. related content on The Internets. Both Chrome Waves and Idolator were on the scene to serve up some yummy Velocity Girl goodness. The latter, in particular, revealed an AMAZING V.G. find from the Sub Pop Singles days.

• Not sure if its the competitive nature of the industry or what, but man oh man, it seems like nothing pleases NY media types more than the opportunity to wallow around in a warm bath of schadenfreude. Me, I hate it when bad things happen to good people. Which hopefully explains why there’s not much I can say about Chris Shott’s “Blog Ghetto” piece in The Observer today. If you’re looking for commentary, look no further than Gawker … obvs.

• Dude, have you SEEN that that fucking shark? SO CRAZED! So crazed that, if it had appeared in “The Life Aquatic”, it would’ve salvaged that otherwise terrible film.
• Oprah and Bill Bonds. `Nuff said.

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