You can’t stop the students of Millard Fillmore High, you can only hope to contain them. Not only has IHP alum Eric Mardian (neé Brian Robbins) conquered Hollywood, but his co-hort Dennis Blunden (neé Dan Schneider) has become the most powerful executive in tween TV-tainment. Who woulda thunk it?

All kidding aside, you should really print out the Dan Schneider article that appeared in this weekend’s NYT Magazine and read it during your next lunch hour. `Tis a fantastic thinkpiece on the man who not only discovered Amanda Bynes, but someone whose influence on people born since 1986 is unrivaled.

WOULD YOU HACK YOUR BEST FRIEND TO PIECES TO ENSURE YOUR OWN SURVIVAL? That, my friends, is the question posed in the straight-to-DVD thriller “Dead Mary.” Howevs, your Uncle Grambo has a more important question that needs answering. Specifically, who’s the jagoff who changed “Bloody Mary” into “Dead Mary”? I know a lot of things have changed since your Uncle Grambo was a tyke, but c’mon! I may be 32 years old, but that doesn’t mean that I’m any less afraid of staring into a mirror and saying “Bloody Mary” than I was at age 8. “Dead Mary” just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

David Lynch to direct “Jurassic Park IV”? The answer may surprise you. Literally!

Coyotes … so hott right now! First, they invade a Chicago Quizno’s in search of Sobe and prime rib on garlic bread. Now, a distant relative of Wile E. was spotted roaming downtown Detroit in search of coney dogs!

Wish I could track the click-through rate on this hyperlink: Hayden Panettiere Breast Licker.

Hey good lookin, whatchu got cookin? Miss Modernage not only has the album cover for Icky Thump, but she’s also got herself a sexy new makeover. Congrats!

Fans of NBC Page Kenneth Ellen Potsdown, rejoice! The Apiary has an interview with Jack McBrayer. Mindgrapes for everyone!

VIDEO HITS ONE PLUG ALERT! Ever tell a juicy lie? What scares you or turns you beat red? Tell us! VH1 is giving you an ear to whisper your Dirty Little Secrets into. Just upload a short video telling us your DIRTY LITTLE SECRET and you may get to reveal it on television in a forthcoming show as well as a future website! Just visit dirtylittlesecrets.tv now to let the world hear your confessions.

I could be mistaken here, but didn’t the mother of this guy’s child just die? I guess finding out that you’ve got a billion dollars in the bank eases the pain just a smidge. Either way, what a dick.

Share This