Little known fact. If you point your toes when you jump, you use 32 more muscles than you do if you don’t point your toes. Or so Coach Belote taught me during plyometrics training back in the early `90s. Come to think of it, he was probably full of shit.

Another little known fact. Mary Elizabeth Winstead (for the rubes, she’s the second one from the right) is the hottest thing since sliced bread. She’s also hotter than Slice (the soda, bovs), sliced pizza or, quite frankly, anything else that can be sliced. Her head and tail are heads and tails hotter than anyone else in the cast of “Grindhouse” by a country kilometer. This video from the Vanity Fair photo shoot should provide ample evidence to support your Uncle Grambo’s case. Some say hottest cheerleader since Jen Monahan.

Okay, because you asked, here’s your Uncle Grambo’s official ranking of Grindhouse babes, categorized from Hottie Tottie to Bogus Maximus: M.E. Winstead, Rosario Dawson (those bombs!), Vanessa Ferlito (clearly Jeffrey Wells’ fave), Sydney Tamiia Poitier (who, from the looks of it, has mad hops), Marley Shelton (still has lots of potential), Jordan Ladd (who knew she was so short, anyway?), Tracie Thorns (nowhere near as buzzworthy as Tracey Thorn), Rose McGowan (so nast) and Zoe Bell (who, btw, damn near ruined the movie with her terrible acting, terrible accent and even more terrible faccia).

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Way back in Novembs, your Uncle Grambo spent some time extolling the virtues of watching “cheerleaders getting fucking rocked.” In honor of that fine tradition, I’m happy to bring you this outstanding video of both cheerleaders AND band geeks getting fucking rocked. Sometimes they even rock each other.

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Let’s set the scene, shall we? It’s Saturday afternoon in Ann Arbs, back in the heady days of January 2001. In the [INSERT NUMBER HERE] block of Sig Vills, your Uncle Grambo and Peabs decide to take a momentary break from a marathon session of “Mario Party 3″ to make our way over to the Quality 16 Theaters. What could possibly rouse us from the delights of Bumper Bizzies and Eatsa Pizza? A chance to catch Marla Sokoloff on the big screen in “Sugar & Spice”, opening weekend stizz. Obvs!

Back then, Sokoloff was probably the most underrated bomb snatch on television. The type of chesty lass who, quite literally, put the “boob” to the Boob Tube. She may have only had a minor role on “The Practice”, but she played a major role in the fantasies of thousands (if not millions) of horny dudes at the time. But over the course of the next few years, she suffered a slow fade into obscurity — much like the show that introduced her to the mainstream in the first place. After being dumped by James Franco, this blogga was fairly certain that I’d seen the last of Miss Marla.

But over the last few weeks, seemingly out of nowhere, pictures of her started popping up on the Internerd. What gives? Turns out that Sokoloff is starring in a new show on ABC that awkwardly marries (literally) the preparation that goes into planning nuptials with the flashback structure of “Lost.” I know, it sounds fucking durst. But at the same time, it also means that Sokoloff will be bringin’ her redonkulous rack back to the small screen. Can’t wait to tell Peabs. Natch.

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Face it, our squad didn’t even deserve to be on the same field as them. And no, your Uncle Grambo isn’t talking about the University Of Michigan football team (more on them some other time); I’m talking about our pathetic excuse for a cheerleading squad. Please understand that I’m fully cognizant of the fact that there are more “ugly Michigan girl” jokes than there are minutes in the day, but SURELY there has got to be at least ten chicks in Ann Arbor between the ages of 18 and 22 who can nail a couple of back handsprings AND look good in a short skirt. And SURELY The U can find a couple of spare bucks in the athletic budget to hire a stylist who doesn’t complicate matters by making the best chicks we have to offer look like Nancy Lopez’s back-up dancers. Am I right or am I right?

Fortunately for us Wolverine fans, the thing about yesterday’s game that’s getting the most ink is NOT actually the game. Instead, the Case Of The USC Song Girl and Her Missing Underwear is dominating the headlines. Not since the good ole days of Mystery Booty have the internets banded together so fastidiously in an attempt to solve a mystery of such international consequence.

As of press time, only one piece of this puzzle has been solved. While the debate still rages on as to whether or not the Song Girl in question is Megan or Alli (you can follow said debate over at Deadspin), the Encyclopedia Browns over at Michigan Sports Center have acquired HD screenshots that prove that the Trojan Tushy was indeed clad with some sort of underwears. As they say in the bizz, DEVELOPING!

UPDATE: Mystery solved. Boi From Troy says it’s Megan after all. [via Deadspin]

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