The last time your Uncle Grambo gave even a passing thought to pole vaulting was during an EPIC battle of Decathalon with Matt Fleury back in the summer of 1985 (2600 stizz, natch). Howevs, thanks to a choice reveal by the good folks over at With Leather (fast becoming the Maxim of sports blogs, and I mean that as a compliment), methinks it’s high time to get back into track and field. Or, more accurately, it’s time to long jump my way onto the Allison Stokke bandwagon.

For the uninitiated, Allison is an 18 year-old California high school senior / pole vaulting champion. Yes, I said she’s still in high school. And yes, I also said that she’s 18. The way your Uncle Grambo figures it, that’s a wash, right? Irregardless, there’s no debating that Allison is the hottest hottie to hit the sports circuit since Anna Pornikova captured our fancy (and stole Sergei Federov’s heart) back in the mid `90s. She makes Sharapova look like Lindsey Davenport, she makes Julie Foudy look like Michelle Akers, and she makes Michelle Wie look like, well, every other golfer in the LPGA. It’s like someone finally brought the technology from “Weird Science” to fruition and Frankenstein’d the FUNK out of the genetic material of Emmanuelle Chiqrui and Sergei Bubka (sans the pinko commie buzz negativo of the former, hobvs). In other words, B-B-B-BEST! Color me smitten.

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