Season 28 SNL – REVEALED



Episode 20: Dan Aykroyd/Beyonce (5/17/03)


The Rating System:

4 Coneys – Best Ever

0 Coneys – Worst Ever




0-10 Coneys – Garbage

11-20 Coneys – Needs Improvement

21-30 Coneys – Average

31-40 Coneys – Above Average

41-50 Coneys  - Instant Classic

51+ Coneys - Unparalleled Comic Genius



Pre-show Comments:


Jason:  Dan Aykroyd. Flat out the worst possible hosting decision for the finale. Yeah he's one of the original SNL giants (and I do respect him), but do we really want to close out a mediocre at best season with "Ignorant Sluts", Bob Dole and male prostitutes? Absolutely not. He already showed up once this season, do we really need more? It is true that he's never hosted before, but he's not even pushing a movie. Whatever.

Combine that with the possibility we'll be sitting through TWO performances from Beyonce (who ALSO already appeared this season) and some sort of send off tribute to Kattan and Morgan. What does that leave? Time for two sketches?

I'm sorry to report that this season's finale has absolutely no buzz whatsoever. Lorne really needed to do something big to make a last ditch "save Season 28" attempt, unfortunately, Aykroyd isn't it.


Heather:  I'm not sure I'll ever understand the reasoning behind having Aykroyd host Season 28's finale. I honestly like Aykroyd and thought he was hilarious on the cast back in the 70's, but his recent appearances have left a lot to be desired. I am just not looking forward to him trying to relive his younger years with a show full of old sketches. If I wanted that, I could just borrow Nummer's Best of Aykroyd tapes, not rely on a totally different cast to recapture skits that happened over 25 years ago. Hopefully Lorne will prove me wrong. Please Lorne, prove me wrong!!!

And Beyonce? I love her too, but she was already on this season with Jay-Z!! I mean, so many great musical acts out there and they have to choose someone who was just performed only 6 months ago?? I know she wasn't the main guest, but come on, close enough. Hey, I'm all about giving everyone a fair shot, but it's pretty hard not to see this episode as a total snoozer. Way to go out with a bang SNL.






Cold Opening:  Hardball

Premise:  Hammond plays Chris Matthews in a spoof of MSNBC’s news show 


Jason:   Uggh.  Hardball has been on this season twice as a stand-alone sketch and once already as a cold opener.  END IT!  This was probably the worst one yet.  Morgan’s Al Sharpton just isn’t funny anymore.  Aykroyd was good as Andrew Card, but Parnell’s overused gay jokes with Rick Sautorum killed any chance the opening had of gaining momentum.


2 Coneys



Heather:  This was disappointing to say the least.  I normally find the Hardball sketches to be rather funny, but this was a definite exception.  I didn’t find anyone funny, even Hammond whose comments usually have me cracking up at least once or twice.  His snide remarks just seemed really tired this time around.


0 Coneys



Monologue:  Aykroyd


Jason:  What the fuck?  If you’re going to do a throwback blues number, at least have Goodman with you.  I’m sorry, but James Belushi (unless we’re talking about 1990’s double threat of Taking Care of Business or Mr. Destiny) just isn’t funny.  Seeing these two terribly overweight and out of shape guys dance and sing almost got a coney on it’s own!


And what was with those suits? 


1 Coney


Heather:  Ooookaaay.  I was never a huge Blues Brothers fan, and using Jim Belushi in place of his brother certainly didn’t change that.  Overall, this monologue choice probably made the most sense, but I just found it boring.


0 Coneys



Sketch:  Top O’ The Morning

Premise: Recurring sketch in which two Irishmen host a show in a bar


Jason:   This installment officially ruined the good run this sketch had going.  The sketch was introduced in October and this marked the FOURTH appearance.  Give a sketch a little breathing room Lorne. 


The only thing funny about this one was the black eye flashbacks.  The rest was pretty bad. 


1 Coney




Heather:  Let’s face it…this sketch blows!!  It’s had some good moments (remember Alfie the midget?), but more or less is not funny in the least.  Wait a minute…what?  Fallon isn’t laughing after punching the wall?  No…no….there he goes…yeah that egg on Aykroyd is funny Jimmy…if you’re in the fucking audience.  Lame shit yo.


0 Coneys



Sketch:  Rialto Grande Casino

Premise: Recurring sketch where struggling lounge comedian fights for laughs



Jason:   Again!  Another unnecessary FOURTH appearance!  This one in record time too.  Rialto made its debut just 5 months ago.  I have never seen a worse sketch get so many chances in this short of time.


Luckily, this will be Rialto’s last appearance since Kattan will be no more after this episode.  Ironically, this was one of the better installments of this sketch!  Aykroyd (perhaps because he is age appropriate) was perfect as Dotty “The Finger”. 


The whole bit about Dotty getting big as the voice of Tailor Smurf was well thought out though.  Too bad the sketch as a whole couldn’t deliver on the same level.  Good riddance!


1 Coney



Heather:  COME ON!!!  This had better be on ONLY because it’s Kattan’s last show.  This has got to be one of the most exhausted skits ever.  At least we know we’ll never see it again.  However, I did chuckle a few times.  To me, people pulling bananas out of their pants, as demonstrated by Aykroyd, is always humorous.  I also enjoyed Aykroyd calling his Grand Prix, his “Grand Pricks.” 


1 Coney



Sketch:  The Falconer

Premise: Donald must once again rescue The Falconer


Jason:  What the hell is this?  They should rename this show “Saturday Night Unnecessary Fourth Sketch Appearances”.  Seriously.  The Falconer just appeared two episodes with Kutcher.  Do we really need another one?


Lorne REALLY should have given Falconer some time since this ultimately was the first one not to earn a perfect 4 Coney rating. 


Forte did have some great lines about quick sand, oxen and the soon to be classic, “The Grim Reaper knocks upon the door, DO NOT LET HIM ENTER”.  Aykroyd’s biker gang “Vampires on Blacktop” were decent as well, but this sketch is going to tire itself.  It’s pretty formulaic now – Forte trapped, Donald video montage, Forte rescued.


Episode Tidbit:  Cameo by John Goodman


3 Coneys





Heather:  I was completely surprised to this Falconer again after only 2 episodes.  And I hate to say it, but this just wasn’t up to par with the others.  It seems like it’s kind of being forced, so I hope they don’t show this sketch for a long while into the new season.  As always Donald’s high pitched screech is hilarious, but other than that only the parts where Donald broke the beer bottle over Richards’ head and pulled the switchblade on Goodman were funny.  The rest was just ok.


3 Coneys



TV Funhouse:  Cokee – The Most Expensive Dog in the World\

Premise  Ben Affleck buys JLo the Most Expensive dog in the World:


Jason:  Was that Seth Green doing the voice of Affleck?  It sure sounded like it – and whoever did JLo’s voice was AMAZING.  The cartoon as a whole was pretty weak though.  The Robert Duvall stuff was sort of random and clever, but everything failed to go anywhere.


1 Coney


Heather:  Holy split!!  This was decent.  Who else but Smigel would think to put Robert Duvall’s head on a dog and call him “Cokee – the most expensive dog in the world?”


2 Coneys



Sketch:  Versache’s Backyard BBQ

Premise:  Versache hosts a BBQ


Jason:  What do we have here?  Another unnecessary fourth appearance.  This is getting scary isn’t it?


Typical Versache fair here.  Richards as Letterman was funny, but nothing else was. 


Episode Tidbit:  Cameo by John Goodman


0 Coneys


Heather:  Nothing about Versace has been funny since Versace Pockets.  With the exception of Goodman’s Anna Nicole Smith, this sketch went up in flames. 


˝ Coney



Music:  Beyonce



Jason:   Whoa!  Talk about sexy.  No bra, a great midriff and lots of crazy hair.  Too bad the cameo by Jay Z kept it from securing full coneys.  Good job by the band too.


3 Coneys




Heather:  I wasn’t too crazy about this song, but damn if that girl doesn’t have an ass that just won’t quit!!


1 Coney



Weekend Update


Jason:  More Drunk Girl?  Worst.


Good tribute to Kattan though.  He did a montage off all his best characters live.  Better than a clip tribute I suppose.


2 Coneys



Heather:  Nothing too funny about the jokes in this week’s WU.  Drunk Girl was as disgusting as ever, this time around in a bikini.  The highlight was, of course, Kattan’s “terrible re-enactment” of all of his most memorable characters.  I was disappointed that Hollywood didn’t make the cut!!  While I’m not too sad to see Kattan go, I must say I will truly miss Gay Hilter. 


2 Coneys



Sketch:  Astronaut Jones

Premise:  Recurring sketch in which Morgan plays an astronaut always looking to get laid 


Jason:  Another fourth appearance as such, but this time it’s the fourth in two seasons!  This is how it should be Lorne.


Too bad this great sketch has to go out with a whimper though.  This was nowhere near as good as 2002’s Murphy or Spears’ installments.  Why have Aykroyd as the guest?  And why the hell didn’t you have Beyonce as the alien?  Maya sexy?  Seldom.


2 Coneys


Heather:  “I love you too Earth.  Bye!”  Ah, Morgan.  You had a good run.  Too bad this last sketch couldn’t capture the hilarity of the earlier Astronaut Jones skits.  And I completely agree with Nummer that it should’ve been Beyonce playing the alien.  Especially when Morgan blurted out, “Why don’t you bend over and let me slap that bootylicious!”  Oh well.  At least he went out in true Tracy Morgan style… “Oh cut the crap Maya.  You know I’ve been wanting to get you pregnant!”


2 ˝ Coneys



Sketch:  Dog Restaurant

Premise:  Dogs order dog-style dishes at a NYC restaurant


Jason:  Not the funniest sketch, but it gets 2 coneys just for breaking the recurring sketch curse of this episode. 


Episode Tidbit:  Cameo by John Goodman


2 Coneys



Heather:  Wow!!  An actual original, never before seen sketch?!  Crazy!!  Too bad it basically sucked.


1 Coney



Music:  Beyonce


Jason:  Not as good as the first.  Still sexy though.  Beyonce’s hips in a red dress can’t be a bad thing.


0 Coneys



Heather:  Gotta give it up a little for a truly diva-licious performance.


1 Coney



Sketch:  Dr. Deacon’s Haunch Crack Powder

Premise:  Sam Elliot promotes old age products


Jason:  Very reminiscent of Goodman’s Liberty Mutual spot in 2001.  Not as funny though. 


Seeing Aykroyd actually apply the powder was pretty funny.


2 Coneys



Heather:  Horrible.


0 Coneys




Closing Comments:


Jason:   What?  No send off to Tracey Morgan?  Talk about bullshit.  One of SNL’s most effective stars of the last few years (at least his first few seasons) is forced to hold up a handmade sign that read “What a Ride”.  It should have said “What a pile of shit”.  I’d be pissed.


Overall, the show was not what I expected.  I would never have guessed to see a Falconer so hot off the Kutcher episode.  I’m really surprised there were no Aykroyd character sketches also (it is rumored there was a Fred Garvin: Male Prostitute sketch planned). 


I’m also curious why Goodman didn’t co-host the show.  He showed up in three sketches!


All in all, an appropriate way to end a questionable season. 


20 out of 52 Coneys


Heather:  Well, at least the preshow comments weren’t far off from the result.  Which wasn’t really a good thing, but pretty much fitting given this past season.  How shitty though that after Kattan’s big montage during WU, Morgan’s departure wasn’t even mentioned!!  He either looked really pissed or really sad during the closing credits.  And I don’t blame him.  Hopefully he’ll do ok with his new sitcom.


14 out of 52 Coneys