What’s Your Vertical? Can You Get Rim?
Little known fact. If you point your toes when you jump, you use 32 more muscles than you do if you don’t point your toes. Or so Coach Belote taught me during plyometrics training back in the early `90s. Come to think of it, he was probably full of shit.
Another little known fact. Mary Elizabeth Winstead (for the rubes, she’s the second one from the right) is the hottest thing since sliced bread. She’s also hotter than Slice (the soda, bovs), sliced pizza or, quite frankly, anything else that can be sliced. Her head and tail are heads and tails hotter than anyone else in the cast of “Grindhouse” by a country kilometer. This video from the Vanity Fair photo shoot should provide ample evidence to support your Uncle Grambo’s case. Some say hottest cheerleader since Jen Monahan.
Okay, because you asked, here’s your Uncle Grambo’s official ranking of Grindhouse babes, categorized from Hottie Tottie to Bogus Maximus: M.E. Winstead, Rosario Dawson (those bombs!), Vanessa Ferlito (clearly Jeffrey Wells’ fave), Sydney Tamiia Poitier (who, from the looks of it, has mad hops), Marley Shelton (still has lots of potential), Jordan Ladd (who knew she was so short, anyway?), Tracie Thorns (nowhere near as buzzworthy as Tracey Thorn), Rose McGowan (so nast) and Zoe Bell (who, btw, damn near ruined the movie with her terrible acting, terrible accent and even more terrible faccia).
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17 Comments so far
1. Najork wrote on April 17th, 2007 at 9:42 pm
McGowan either has no sense of timing or a terrible verticle game.
Good to see that S. T. Poitier got work after being written out of Veronica Mars for alleged budgetary reasons. It’s actually the blonde (2nd from the left) who seems to be catching the most air, but S.T.P. is really tall.
2. .:DataWhat?:. wrote on April 18th, 2007 at 6:57 am
What’s a Cheerleader movie?
3. Grizz wrote on April 18th, 2007 at 7:20 am
what about Fergie Ferg?
4. Winston wrote on April 18th, 2007 at 8:29 am
What’s your vertical? Can you get rim?
5. matt t wrote on April 18th, 2007 at 10:34 am
Thanksgiving cheerleader > Death Proof cheerleader
6. Uncle Grambo wrote on April 18th, 2007 at 11:16 am
Fergie Ferg would be sandwiched between Marley Shelton and Jordan Ladd.
7. Peabs wrote on April 18th, 2007 at 11:16 am
Only 218 days until Thanksgiving!!!! Gobble gobble!!!!!
8. Nummer wrote on April 18th, 2007 at 11:34 am
Grindhouse! Say what you will about Tarantino’s Death Proof with its never ending dialogue, but DP is easily up there with Children of Men for the year’s best soundtrack.
9. Greg wrote on April 18th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
Funny thing about Zoe Bell’s terrible accent… it’s real.
10. Uncle Grambo wrote on April 18th, 2007 at 3:33 pm
Is Zoe Bell an Aussie or a Kiwi? I forget … either way, those are the two worst English-speaking accents on earth. Put some shrimp on your own barbie, mate!
11. thigh master wrote on April 18th, 2007 at 3:49 pm
spank the lord for MEW. when we fell asleep watching Emilio Sheen’s BOBBY, we had a wet dream about her. People always say its the soda that makes movie theaters’ floors icky, but it’s actually my thump that did the deed
bell is a kiwi. rumor has it that she was born out of the fires of moot doom
12. thigh master wrote on April 18th, 2007 at 3:50 pm
that should read, ‘mount doom’, or on 2nd thought, ‘mott the hoople’s poophole’
13. The Clizzark wrote on April 18th, 2007 at 5:25 pm
Brian Buuuurell knew how to point his toes to get those extra 32 muscles…
14. Johnny Loftus wrote on April 19th, 2007 at 12:26 pm
DON’T…sleep on my girl Ferlito.
JTL
15. Kenny Bloggins wrote on April 19th, 2007 at 7:39 pm
Read about this on Hindu.com, where I get all my news.
16. spencer wrote on April 23rd, 2007 at 10:32 am
Mary Elizabeth Winstead is kind of Barbi Benton-ish, no?
17. Carmelita wrote on September 15th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
Carmelita…
I think your information maybe a little outdated, but you have a very exciting writing style…